Kit's Laughing
by Xakko
Summary: Kitty Pryde and Rachel Grey are driving around talking about all things X. Colossus and Nightcrawler guest star. Kiotr character study. Complete
1. Kitty has a Bad Day

Disclaimer- The X-characters belong to Marvel, and are used without permission.

May contain spoilers if you haven't been reading your comics. Sorry.

Kinda AU, but mostly my take on current -continuity. We'll see where it goes.

Kit's Laughing, Chapter 1

Kitty Pryde stormed through the halls of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, not bothering to get out of people's way. For those too slow or stunned by the angry teacher's approach, judicious use of her mutant ability to slip molecules through objects left them standing in her wake, mouths agape and feeling slightly nauseous.

"_That infuriating, artificial, unmitigated bi-" _Her thoughts stopped at the sense of a psychic interloper.

_My, my Kitten, we wouldn't want an enterprising young telepath to feel there is dissention amongst the faculty, do we, darling?_

Kitty summoned years of training and all her will, shutting out Emma's unwanted presence, but not before sending out a thought of what Emma could do with herself, and where gardening implements could be found to that end. She felt she could still hear Miss Frost laughing at her.

She went ghost and climbed up a stairway of air molecules towards the room she shared with Rachel Grey and, she still shuddered to think it, "X-23". All she wanted right now was to throw on some headphones and lose herself in some music, and let worries of incompetent students, snarky headmistresses, exhausting missions, grueling early hour training with anal retentive field leaders, resurrected loved ones, and, oh, a world that continued to hate and fear her no matter how many times she'd helped save it-. What she wouldn't give for the old bathtub at the Excalibur lighthouse. Xavier's may have been home, but a locker room shower would never replace a bathroom with a lock on the door.

Her head poked through the floor of her room, and she immediately called out, "It's me- Kitty." so as to not startle her feral roommate. X-23 was in the middle of a tai chi form taught to her by Logan, and to her credit, didn't seem to flinch at Kitty's announcement. Kitty phased the rest of her body up through the floor and headed to her bed to collapse. Too much had happened of late, too many things for a young woman to try and cope with. Of course, that could be said about for nearly every moment of her life since she was 13 and came home from school with a blinding headache, about to meet Emma Frost for the first time.

She wondered at the ironic parallel between the headaches those many years ago and the one that was developing now, coming from yet another "meeting" with that same Emma Frost. She clenched her eyes shut against the pain and started a slow, deliberate meditative breathing technique. As the worst of the throbbing subsided, she opened her eyes again and glanced over at the stereo next to her bed. She'd nearly forgotten that she'd found an old Cats Laughing tape in a box that had been sent over from Brian and Meggan from Britain. Later, when she had time, she would transfer the whole thing into iTunes, remaster it, remove the tape hiss from a couple generations of dubbing, maybe slap it into Cerebra to educate the Professor on what real music was. Of course, Charles Xavier wasn't there right now, so it would be Emma using the machine. Kitty grinned maliciously at the thought of Miss Frost stuck in there with "Half Dollar Blues" blaring at "11".

She popped the tape into the cassette tray on the stereo. She would do all that other stuff later. The beginning notes of "The Enchantment" drifted through the headphones, and a peaceful smile crossed her face. Scott, Emma, X-23, even Piotr faded from her thoughts as Emma Bull's voice rose...

A slight movement of the bed caused one eye to pop open. X-23 was perched on the edge, staring at Kitty quizzically. Startled, Kitty let out an exclamation and instinctively phased. X-23 reared back a bit, not prepared for her roommate's reaction. At that moment, the door to the room flew open, and time seemed to slow to a crawl. Rachel was storming in, complaining about something. X-23 lost her balance as she turned towards this new voice, falling backwards towards Kitty. Kitty's body wracked with pain as the adamantium passed through her, causing her to throw herself away...

Right into the stereo, which, like any electrical device in response to her phasing ability, died with a Bzzzzrt sound.


	2. Happy Unbirthday!

Disclaimer: X-Characters are still Marvel's and are used without permission...  
This takes place during Uncanny #460... definitely after Astonishing X-Men #6. Beyond that, your mileage will vary. 

Chapter 2

Rachel froze in mid-rant. She had to suppress the urge to giggle- it may have looked like a scene from "America's Stupidest Video Clips", but the tension in the air was more than palpable. Kitty was sitting inside her nightstand and stereo, eyes wide in shock. X-23 was in a semi-crouch on the bed, claws extended, eyes flashing with danger.

"Whoa there, kids, I didn't mean to startle you there." A calm approach seemed best right now. "Just having a rough day, didn't mean to stress you two as well."

_Rachel?_ Kitty thought at her friend. _Please tell me I'm not where I think I am_

_You're in your stereo, yes. I told you that maybe the extended warranty might have been a good idea._

Kitty slowly pulled herself up. _Stupid stupid STUPID! I can't believe I ruined another stereo. _She slid the headphones off her ears when a thought struck her. Her eyes turned back to the cassette player, from which small tendrils of smoke were drifting upwards.

"Oh no…" she said softly. Numbly, she pushed the "Eject" button and removed her precious tape. She carried over to her closet and began rummaging through some boxes until she found an old walkman. After a few fumbling tries, she managed to get the tape in and the headphones on. She pressed play.

"Oh no," she repeated. She pressed fast forward and the cassette whirred. Play again. "Oh No! Oh no no no…"

_Kitty!_ Rachel's mindspeak was sharp inside her head. _Kitty, I need you to calm down, right now. You're freaking out X over there and we don't need this to escalate._ The redhead walked over to her friend and put her hand on a shoulder.

"It's OK, X, everything's OK. Just a little misunderstanding here, nothing to get upset about." She slowly let out her breath as the snakt of sheathing claws echoed across the room. "I'm sorry for barging in like that, it's just been a really long day and I wasn't thinking."

_That's easy for you to say. You didn't just lose your only copy of your favorite band's albums_

Kitty thought angrily, her eyes tearing up.

_Only copy,_ sent Rachel, _you used to have copies all over, along with concert bootlegs, and autographed albums, and…_

_All right, maybe I'm exaggerating. A little bit. It's just that I can't find most of my collection right now and I only found this tape yesterday going through a box the Braddock's had sent, and now it's gone and I've had such a bad day and I didn't need this right now with Emma and Peter and everything else…_

Grimacing at the images forming in her best friend's head, Rachel was suddenly very glad she was on a team that wasn't locked down to the Institute all the time. Hanging around Miss Frost and her fa- Mr. Summers on a daily basis would simply be unbearable. Hell, it was worth turning into a dino or fighting unstoppable killing machines to get away from them.

"You know, Kit, I was going to save these for your birthday, but hey, no time like the present for presents, right?" Rachel had a mischievous little grin and a twinkle in her eye. "Close your eyes."

Kitty wiped her tears away with her sleeve and looked suspiciously at her friend. "Why? What are you up to, Red?"

"Shut 'em, Pryde! Or do I have to generate an illusion of nothingness around your head?" When Kitty finally complied, Rachel telekinetically plucked a small package from the closet and levitated it to her hands

"Happy, um, un-birthday Kate."

"Does this mean I can look now? I'm really not in the mood for gam-." Her eyes opened at the small package Rachel had placed on her lap. "These aren't… I mean, where?… the band broke up a while ago… how did?…"

Rachel smiled warmly as her best friend ripped open the wrapping to reveal two CD's of Cats Laughing and Another Way to Travel. Kitty looked them over, her mouth still open in surprise.

Her eyes poured over the inscription the lead singer, Emma Bull had penned, and read it aloud.

"'Bands may come and go, but music and friendship are forever.'" She spoke softly, moisture again coming to her eyes.

In response to her questioning look, Rachel explained, "OK, so I felt badly about making that scene over you and Peter, so I did some browsing. I knew you had lost most of your copies in all your travels, and thought you deserved better than third hand copies anyway. I searched ebay and froogle, but it wasn't until I went to Emma's site that I found a link to her online store at cafepress. I e-mailed her and she asked how you were, and said she'd be happy to autograph them, and here they are. I, uh, also promised that you'd take the time to write…"

Rachel paused for a breath, and was suddenly swept up in her friend's warm embrace. The tears were flowing freely from Kitty's brown eyes, and as they held one another, Rachel's green eyes welled up to match. There had been so much tension of late, and in many ways the young women knew they needed this cry.

"So, friends again?" Rachel ventured?

Kitty smiled through her tears, "Always, Red," She grinned, "Now what we need now is a place to listen to some good music…"

to be continued...

Thanks to my reviewers- it's nice to see people are taking the time to look it over...  
RandomMarvelFan- Glad you like it... I've got a few chapters ready, but several will need rewrites due to policies about lyrics...  
Madripoor Rose-Yes, Kiotr is coming... a little Pryde-Wisdom too, but only in a flashback. There'll be much more Rachel- she's insinuated herself into the story, but I haven't too much comfort with X-23, so she's, alas, more of a plot device.


	3. Encounters

Chapter 3

"The X-Jet?"

""No, I think Kurt's working on it right now."

"Rachel, I believe you're blushing!"

"What about the danger room, maybe a workout to the music?"

"I think Scott and Emma have a session booked about now."

"Ewwww… there's an image I didn't need. Maybe a car?"

"A car it is!" exclaimed Kitty, "Now who has the best sound system?"

Rachel pondered a bit as the two walked swiftly through the halls. "There's the Rolls, I guess, or Bobby's jeep…"

"Iceman is the only person I know who drives a jeep in New York in the winter. Besides," Kitty said, "I think he only has a cassette player in it. What about your fa-, er, Cyclops?"

"What about Cyclops?" came a voice that chilled both their hearts. Emma Frost was standing in their path, along with her lover Scott Summers, clad (and unclad, Rachel thought) in their costumes. "I see our Miss Pryde seems to have recovered from her earlier bout of peevishness. And now the terrible two seem, shall we say, hell-bent on some sort of mischief whilst their long suffering headmaster and headmistress are distracted by a training session. Tsk, tsk, tsk."

"Emma. Scott." Rachel greeted them in a level tone. "Kitty was just looking for a place to play her new CD's and we were wondering if there was a car we could borrow that had a CD player."

"Rachel dear, I am afraid Katherine has too much work to go off gallivanting and listening to teeny bopper boy bands. I believe there is that little matter we were discussing earlier that still needs to be resolved and-"

She stopped abruptly as Scott placed a hand on her arm. "Emma, there will be time for that later. Kitty and Rachel need time to enjoy themselves too. Lord knows we get so few chances around here to relax." He turned towards the two young women, "You can take mine- the blue RX-8."

"What about the red convertible?" Rachel asked eagerly.

"Don't push your luck, kiddo," he replied with a soft smile.

"Scott, darling, don't you think our Kitten should stay close to home? With all the recent attacks, we may have need of her abilities, such as they are. She can't help us if she's miles away."

Scott frowned, his brow furrowing behind his ruby quartz glasses. "Storm's team is in residence for the moment. Between them and us, we should be able to handle anything that may pop up."

Emma looked closely at her lover, then shrugged. "Then run along, girls. And remember to drive carefully and call if you'll be late."

Kitty grabbed Rachel's forearm and dragged her off towards the garage before she could reply. "Thanks," she called over shoulder, "I owe you one, Scott!"

_Kitty!_ Rachel's mindspeak had an angry tone that rattled in her head. _Let go of my arm and let me give the Ice Queen a piece of my mind!_

"No way, Red. After what you told me about her schooling you at that Hellfire club, you shouldn't be so quick to offer up anything now. Besides, this is way too good a day to worry about her. We have our out, let's use it."

Rachel broke free of her friend's grasp, and turned back towards Emma and Scott, who were in the middle of a discussion of their own. She paused, her fists balled, her muscles tense. Kitty held her breath, hoping that this wouldn't escalate, not now. Time slowed, and as the seconds ticked away, so went Rachel's anger.

"You're right, it's just- we can talk in the car. Getting away from this place is certainly the best thing for both of us right now." Rachel turned back and started walking alongside her friend, who let out a long, relieved sigh. "Shall we?"

"Oh, let's." Kitty flashed a grin, taking the offered arm.

They strolled down the hall, laughing and carrying on and generally letting the recent bad blood melt away. One student pointed them out to his friend, who shook his head and created a hologram of Colossus while pointing at Kitty. This didn't escape Rachel's attention, but she resisted the urge to give them both telekinetic wedgies and a psychic admonition to mind their own business.

The walked into the garage and looked around. Kitty stopped at Logan's bike sadly, then moved to key storage, where a pleasant, English accented voice prompted her for voice print identification. "Shadowcat", she spoke evenly, and a panel slid open. She eyes scanned for a Mazda key chain and she snatched the keys and closed the panel.

They walked along the rows of cars until they found Scott's RX-8. With a chirp, Kitty unlocked the doors and she and Rachel climbed in. They adjusted the settings more to their liking, sliding the seats forward, adjusting the mirrors. As Kitty put the keys in the ignition, Rachel spoke up, "You know, we could still take the convertible…"

Kitty smiled, "You're a bad girl, Red." She turned the key, and the rotary engine whirred to life. The speakers blared out Joe Mantenga's voice.

"All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush…"

Rachel's slim fingers stabbed at the eject button and the CD player obligingly spat out the disc. The two women looked at each other, their eyes wide. And broke out laughing.

"He actually listens to the Art of War…"

"In his car! I can't believe…"

"My dad is SUCH a nerd!" Rachel giggled, unable to control herself. Kitty didn't know if she caught herself calling Cyclops her father, and didn't press the sensitive issue.

The radio was now on; a familiar theme was playing through the speakers. "-Neal Conan, and this is Talk of the Nation. Today we will be discussing a controversial new Texas bill that would ban Mutant marriage. With me are Dr. Rory Cam-"

"Don't give me that look, Pryde. We're here to have fun, and we don't need to get all pissed about some stupid law that we can't do anything about. We're here to listen to music, so pop that cd in there and let's get rolling." She took out a pair of designer sunglasses and put them on, "Besides, you know Hank archives all that stuff, so we can get all riled up about it later."

Kitty laughed, and threw the car in reverse, backing out slowly. At the push of a button the garage door raised, and the sleek sports car pulled out into the sunlight.

"So Scott's an NPR junkie too, huh?"

"I said he was a geek. Oh, and Kitty?"

"Yeah?"

"You do know how to drive, don't you?"


	4. The Enchantment

Disclaimer: Marvel owns these characters, and they are used without permission.

"The Enchantment"

The CD started slowly with a single guitar, soon joined by another. Then the bass line started, and the tempo picked up . Emma's unique voice began, singing, "I thought you'd come from a fairy tale…"

A line about being "under a wicked enchantment" struck a chord with Rachel. "Sounds like she's talking about Scott and Emma," she ventured, leaning back into her seat as Kitty maneuvered the car down Graymalkin Lane.

"'The witch put a sheep's head on you-'" Rachel's jaw dropped, "She is singing about Scott and Emma!"

"Red, I'm trying to listen to this…" Kitty said, turning up the volume. _But we could talk telepathically, if you'd like._

Having trained themselves over the years, Kitty and Rachel were able to communicate in mindspeak while keeping their attention on other things. It was faster, too, occurring at the literal "speed of thought" instead of mucking about with the whole speech center of the brain.

_So, do you think Emma is controlling everything Scott says or what?_ Kitty projected.

_I haven't really detected anything. The old cow is far subtler than I am, but you'd think that I would pick up something. I just hate what they did to Mom. I wasn't around for it, I know, but just picking up sense impressions from Logan and Henry and some of the others…_

_Logan was so pissed about that_ A memory of the fight between Logan and Scott flickered across the link. _I know we weren't around for all of that, but I talked to Logan about it once, and he told me Scott changed a lot after the whole merging with Apocalypse thing. He even said he had a sense of humor at one point while they were assaulting Magneto in Genosha._

Kitty turned down another country lane, the forests near Xavier's giving way to a bland landscape of local farms and fields. The smell of manure caused her nose to crinkle in revulsion.

_My father, a sense of humor? A clone, perhaps? Who knows what Sinister has squirreled away. Anyway, you wouldn't know it now, really. I mean, he laughed when Henry put the clown nose on him during the Christmas celebration, but lately he's back to the same guy I knew from the Asgard caper, probably with the same stick up his-_

Emma's vocals continued on. Kitty, ever the multi-tasker, seemed to be fairly absorbed in the music while still conversing. Rachel was only half-listening, more a punk fan, but a line about saying it was your fault, but never believing you were wrong tugged at her.

_It's the lack of remorse that gets me_ thought Rachel, _I know he said he was sorry, but there he was draped all over her at mom's grave. I'd expect that behavior from Emma, but I thought my parents loved one another, you know? They spent all those years together raising Nathan in the future, you would think they would've learned to talk things over…_

_…And not go running to Miss Frost, I know. It doesn't make sense. Wolvie was saying how Jean was hoping Scott would be more open, and he just didn't trust her enough. I thought that Jean was the one person he could talk to. And Emma? I know I couldn't trust the White Queen like that, whatever she may have been through. Granted I tend to do my thinking above my beltline._ More memories flashed by of Emma disabling Wolverine, Storm, and Colossus; of the time she stole Ororo's body; and the visit to the Massachusetts Academy with Doug, with the attempt to brainwash her.

The band was playing a verse about a magic mirror that would reveal the truth, but was still clouded by the spell, and the person would "swear it wasn't true", and hide in the dark to "make all the lies true."

_I suppose it is possible Emma did manipulate the whole thing,_ Rachel sent, _She has the ability, certainly, and the motive. Mom beat her down, more than once, and she always seemed the type of person who didn't accept defeat with dignity_

_Hell, no! She and Shaw were always looking like "Curses, foiled again, I'll get you next time" whenever we beat 'em. Not that any of the X–villains ever seem to stop. But there was something more sinister with the Hellfire Club. Maybe being all rich and important made them unaccustomed to failure._

_So you're saying that she stole my Dad away because she was a rich, spoiled bitch?_

_If the corset fits…_ Kitty joked, _I remember a girl in college, a snobby little French Lit major who lost out to one of my friends- Brandy- for a dorm council seat. Three weeks later, Miss Frenchie is all l'amour over Brandy's boyfriend at this party. Brandy walks in, they break up, Frenchie dumps him a week later._

_Yeah, but Emma's still with Scott. And they're still… you know._ Both of them tried to block the slew of images that rushed into their minds at the thought of the couple.

_I didn't say it was the best analogy, Red. It may have started that way, of course, but maybe it did grow into something more. I know Logan said that after your mom caught the two of them having psi-sex and went all medieval on Emma's brain, that he spoke with her and she'd actually regretted falling for Scott. And Hank told me that when Jean put her back together, it was the thought of your dad that brought her back. However their relationship started, it's fairly clear that she loves him, and barring any new evidence, that he loves her right back._

The song was in the final refrain now, "…Victims of the ones who lied, you're under the enchantment… you're under the enchantment."

_It's scary, though, isn't it? I'd always pictured my parents as the ultimate loving couple, who would always be there for each other, and for me. And that someday I would find someone to love me like that._

_I know_ Kitty reached over and gave Rachel's hand a gentle squeeze.

_Anyway, this doesn't mean we cut 'em any slack, right Pryde?_

_Not a chance, Rachel. Emma asked me to keep an eye on her, and if she goes back to her roots, I'll be on her like Logan on beer._

**Author's note** Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed this. A few things I should mention- this fic is basically a philosophical enterprise, to explore issues raised in the comics and seldom dealt with because Marvel needs large people in spandex kicking the crap out of each other to sell books. Anyway, **Cats Laughing** was a band comprised mostly of Science Fiction authors. Chris Claremont was a big fan, and inserted them multiple times in _Excalibur, _as Madripoor Rose pointed out. They were even spotlighting the band in the one-shot _Mojo Mayhem. _The original version of this had several verses written in to show how the music would drive the conversation, but that's a no-no here, so I have to use my limited writing skills to try to weave it in another way. And despite 9 years playing 'cello and string bass and a year of AP Music, I really lack the vocabulary to describe it. Sorry. Hope you can still follow the ideas.


	5. Gloomy Sunday

Disclaimer- X-Characters still belong to Marvel, they didn't give me permission, I'm not making any money here.

Spoiler Warning: I'm referencing a lot of X-history, some of it fairly current.

Gloomy Sunday

_Well that was, um, cheerful. What's the next track about, suicide?_ Rachel sent.

Kitty covered her mouth to stifle a laugh, _Hey, that last song was pretty upbeat, it's not the band's fault you have issues… but it is funny you should mention suicide_

The track started off with a basic blues riff on lead guitar. When the bass line came in with the rhythm guitar, Rachel knew this would be slower, and it sounded familiar too. She hadn't heard this, but she'd definitely heard the song. The singer – Lojo Russell in this case- began, "Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless…"

_Ohmygod! They covered a Sarah McLachlan song?_

_Philistine_ Kitty thought disapprovingly _The best known version is by Billie Holliday. I think it was originally written in Hungarian, though. Anyway, I played this one a lot, you know when Doug died, and the X-Men, in Dallas. And again, in college, when Pete was killed, and Piotr-_

It was Rachel's turn to offer support, reaching over and placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.

Unlike McLachlan's ethereal voice, Lojo's had a straightforward, workmanlike quality as she sang, with accompaniment from Emma, "Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?"

_Kitty- you never actually thought about it? Not seriously, right? Because I'm getting some vague ripples as you listen that are a little distressing_

The brunette slowed the car, pulling over to the side of the road. She flipped on the hazards and bowed her head, taking a deep breath, and then another. _I can't lie to you, Ray. I nearly did, once. No, not the way you're thinking, but before you got free from Mojo, after the… slaughter in the Morlock tunnels, when I was stuck in permanent phase…_

The memories were very vivid- Reed Richards unwilling or unable to help. Dr. Doom offering salvation, being unsure if the price was worth it, slipping free of the containment field to gaze at the sun one last time, only to be pulled back by the combined efforts of Psylocke and a little boy's dream self.

_That's the Franklin I remember,_ said Rachel, smiling despite the tear forming at the corner of her eye. _He never let me give up either. I'm glad he brought you back to us._

_So am I, especially since Sue got to stick it to Doom in the end. I hear she knocked out the Hulk, too. _Kitty went on, _There were a few times after Piotr, well, you know Rachel nodded, noting absently the way her friend's mind actually slid by the exact image. It's hard being the one left behind. It still is, with Doug, with 'Yana._

_With my mom…_

_Yeah, with your mom too. It was hard when we lost you to Mojo, or to the timestream. It's always hard, and it happens way too damn much. It's why I keep trying to leave this job. I know what we do is important and I hope the Professor is right we're making a difference even if we don't see it… but I don't always feel the sacrifices are worth it._

Rachel's green eyes flashed with momentary anger behind her sunglasses, then softened. An image of the nightmare reality where she'd grown up burst through the carefully placed barriers in her mind, causing her to grit her teeth as if she were in actual pain.

_Oh Rachel, what a complete dunce I am… _

_Don't sweat it, Kitty. I lost everybody, but in a way, I got you all back by coming over here. It was almost like my whole life was resurrected. I still miss the people I knew, sure. But I don't miss living in a concentration camp or Sentinels running America or the graveyard. We've lost dear friends here too, and just because they're fewer in number doesn't mean you don't miss them, or that the pain is any less._

Kitty wiped her eyes, wondering how wise this whole adventure was turning out to be. She and Rachel had their difficulties of late, and they both needed a catharsis like this, but there were so many exposed nerves they were dancing around that it frightened her.

_Do you believe in God, Kitty?_

Her fingers moved on their own accord to the silver Star of David that hung around her neck. She willed her thoughts to settle down before sending back _Yes, I do. It's hard at times, facing down Apocalypse or Necrom or the Beyonder, but I still do. It helps, y'know? When I found the footage of my dad in Genosha it was one of the only things I had to hold on to. Maybe that's childish, but I still do believe… of course I'm not the daughter of a celestial avatar, either._

"Dreaming," went the song, "I was only dreaming. I wake and I find you asleep in the deep of my heart." Rachel 's own heart seemed about to break. _I miss my mom. A lot. I know I've been rather horrid about it, and I'm sorry. But I realized I still have her with me, too_. Mimicking her friend's earlier gesture, Rachel's hand went to the holoempathic crystal tucked under her shirt_. I may be crazy- I know what Betsy said- but I think she'll come back someday. I feel it, y'know, inside, and in the crystal. It's a weird feeling… _

_I know, Ray. I was there- I don't know when, but Jean will be back. And you don't have to apologize. I got mad at you mom once. It was after Storm created her "X-Treme" squad and we broke off from the school. We had a reunion, and Jean was trying to get us to come back to Westchester, and I don't know what happened to me, but I just flipped out and yelled at her. It seemed unfair that she was alive and you and Doug and Pete and Illyana and Piotr weren't. So I know where you were coming from that night- I just wasn't able to deal at the time._

_I was still way out of line. I probably scared the hell outta your Boy of Steel._ Rachel's thoughts were as melancholy as the song. "My heart is telling you how much I wanted you…" went the CD. _Remind me to apologize to him someday… _

Kitty smiled. _I'm sure the big oaf has already forgiven you. Just as I've almost forgiven him for that stunt he pulled with the Legacy virus cure._ The smile faded, as she bit her bottom lip. _Almost. I try not to think about it, but some nights, all the anger and rage I felt after he died gets to me and I feel some of the hate creeping in and I want to kick his shiny metal ass all over the Danger Room._

_Don't do that- It is such a nice ass. I wouldn't want it dented._

The link between them didn't convey any strong sexual desire, but Kitty was surprised that a momentary blip of jealousy flickered across her consciousness_. That Russian lummox has been responsible for two of the biggest heartbreaks in my life. Three, if you count the time he slapped my other Pete around and nearly killed him. When I played this song in the months after, I did find myself wishing it had been me. Or I was with him. And then I thought how stupid that was and how stupid what he did was. But I knew why he did it, and I knew it was noble and heroic and honorable, and I also knew I didn't care and I wanted him alive more than anything. Just so I could yell at him and hit him and tell him not to ever do that._

_And now? _Rachel's thoughts were pointed, and perhaps a little accusatory.

_Now, it's one day at a time That's all I can handle. Let's leave it at that._

Rachel removed her sunglasses and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. She glanced over at Kitty, who was staring at her with equally moist eyes. Without a further thought, they both leaned in and caught each other in a tight embrace and began to sob, seeking the comfort that their recent estrangement had taken from them.

Lojo continued to sing about that gloomy Sunday, but for all their tears, they both knew their day had, at least, the promise of something brighter.

…

**author's note:** Thanks again for the reviews. I hope you continue to enjoy it. The Kiotr part is coming, but it won't be explicit, sorry. (And apologies to David- I know you don't want to see it, but Kitty-Piotr is my favorite pairing. And on a site that seems at least 95 Romy, I don't think we've reached the Kiotr event horizon yet. I know I'd like to see more) . Amokitty, I think the Tin Man and the Fuzzy Elf will appear, but only at the end.

The next chapter may take some time, and will deal with a certain Mr. Wisdom. I'm researching now. I don't like Pete, but I want to do the relationship justice, because it was a huge part of Kitty's life. RandomMarvelFan, I hope you can be patient- I'm still waiting for the next chapter of "Past and Future Mistakes".

I have what I would call an "Easter egg" writing style, dropping hints and references from the comics (and movies and cartoons) as subtly as I can. One example would be the car- I grabbed that from X2, and the red convertible was from Evolution. The lyrics are from the song "Gloomy Sunday", off the Cats Laughing self-titled debut album.

Next: Facade


	6. Half Dollar Blues, an interlude

Disclaimer- Marvel owns them, I'm using them without permission, and not making any money out of it.

Spoiler warning- events up to Uncanny X-Men #460 may be discussed.

"Half Dollar Blues - an interlude"

Their embrace continued for quite some time. The CD player continued with the third track, "Half Dollar Blues", a fast paced blues number with Adam Stemple singing. It was a typical down-on-your-heels sort of theme, and was finishing up, "…Gonna put it in a letter, play for jacks or better. And just call it the half dollar blues…"

"Hey Pryde," Rachel spoke, finally releasing her friend and hitting pause on the CD player. "I'm starving- you wanna get some munchies?"

Kitty pushed back a lock of her chestnut hair that had slipped free of her ponytail and wiped her eyes, "Definitely. Needing food and caffeine badly here. Leave the radio off for a bit- I don't know what emotional torment the next track will dredge up. I love this band, I really do. I just didn't realize how much of their music is linked to emotional periods in my life."

"There's a sound psychological principle behind that-"

Kitty laughed, "Spare me, Dr. Grey! I took my share of psych classes too. It's one thing to read it, it's another to feel it. I just wonder if I play a Kiss CD if I'll feel the same shame I did after asking out Tommy Schlamie when I was a kid. So, back to Salem Center, or do we hit the next Mom and Pop that comes along?"

Rachel gazed over the countryside, the tall grass bending gently to the wind. _Go back, or press on._ she thought to herself. They had already shared more in a few minutes than they had in months, possibly more than at any time since her rescue from Bogan. To go forward meant risking more of herself, and also hearing things she wasn't prepared to hear. But Kitty was her best friend, and she knew that her heart was aching to get these issues out in the open. _Well damn the traditional Summers' stoicism and damn the traditional X-men emotional reticence._ "Why don't we see what's over that hill?"

"Onward and upwards it is…" Kitty grinned, putting on her own shades and throwing the car into drive.

* * *

Piotr Nikolievitch Rasputin breathed in deep, the fresh breeze carrying a bouquet of scents across Breakstone Lake to where he lay on his back, propped up on his elbows. Dressed casually in an old T-shirt and faded, paint smeared jeans, he was content to bask in the afternoon sun. Some of the younger students were playing a game of mutant tag over a ways, and it made him smile to see their exuberance and hear their laughter. He almost laughed himself when, to avoid a tag by a boy with elongating arms, a little blonde girl ran right across the surface of the pool, splashing some other students playing a game of "Marco Polo".

An explosion of sulfur and brimstone caught Piotr on the inhale and began to choke. "Kurt," he wheezed, "What was… cough so urgent … that you needed … gasp … to teleport here."

"My apologies, mein freund," Kurt Wagner crouched down, "I just hadn't had a chance to speak with you much since you returned to us. If this is a bad time…"

"Nyet, my friend" the tall Russian said, finally catching his breath. "It is merely that your entrance came when I was enjoying the fragrance of late spring and caught me off guard." He pulled himself to his feet and stuck out his hand, "It is always good to see you, tovarisch."

Kurt took the offered hand and grasped it tightly, three fingers closing around five. He pulled himself up to his full height- a full half foot shorter than his counterpart- and then drew his friend into a fierce embrace. "I know you have heard this from the others, but you will hear it from me as well. Do not ever do that to us again. Ever. You are one of my dearest friends, and losing you hurt me deeply."

"I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you, and Katya, and the rest. I did not think much that day. I have had many days since then, to think, to reflect. I am not proud of what I did-"

"Sehr gut," Kurt replied, releasing his friend and turning back towards the mansion "Now that we've got that out of the way-"

Piotr interrupted his friend, "Please, let me continue. I am not proud of what I did, but I cannot say I am entirely ashamed or sorry for doing it. Does not your holy book say that a man can have no greater love than to give his life for his friends? I regret deeply the pain that I caused you, and I regret the rashness of my actions, that I was acting emotionally, and, yes, selfishly. But to rid the world of that plague? To ensure no one would have had to suffer as my poor Illyana Nikolievna? For that, I cannot be ashamed."

"'The needs of the many', yes Peter, Kitty has made us watch that Star Trek movie with Ricardo Montalban." Kurt clenched his fist, controlling his anger. "I do understand why you did it. Kitty and I had some long talks about all the right reasons- and all the wrong reasons. But what you need to know is that it didn't matter- we lost our friend. And there were other alternatives – one of Jamie's duplicates, perhaps, or even one of Sinister's clones. Yes, I would've bargained with that devil to save your life; I was even –briefly- tempted by his promise to clone you."

Piotr hung his head silently, his large form seeming to deflate at the German mutant's tone. He stared at his feet, the soft grass poking in between his toes. He had been through this scene with Katya, Logan, and Henry. He was glad that Dr. Reyes was no longer at the mansion- she would be nearly as hard to face as Kitty. Only Scott, while asking him to discuss things before making such a precipitous decision again, had been almost understanding about the event.

"Regardless," Kurt said, with his familiar impish grin finally returning to his face, "I am very happy to have you back with us."

"And I, likewise, am glad to be back with my friends." Piotr moved his face into a smile, "So what was so important that it justified an entire lungful of sulfur and brimstone?

Kurt looked pensive for a moment, as if trying to remember something. "Aha, I remember now! I was thinking it would be good to get out of the house, maybe get dinner, catch a film. I thought we could grab Kitty and Rachel and paint the town. Have you seen them?"

* * *

"Hey Pryde, how's the pickings over there?" Rachel called over the shelves. "This luncheon meat here looks like it might bite back."

"Shhhh! Not so loud!" Kitty answered, embarrassed. "They've got Cheez-Doodles, and cupcakes and, ooh, Nutter Butters, and maybe some Salt and Vinegar…" The young woman tossed a few more bags of junk food into the blue plastic basket on her arm, and walked around the aisle to meet up with her friend. She hadn't changed her clothes before starting off on this romp, still wearing a peach sweater over a sleeveless white blouse, with blue slacks and plain white shoes. She wondered how the two of them looked to the middle-aged man at the register, with her own conservative schoolteacher ensemble and Rachel, being, well, Rachel. Baby-doll shirt with exposed midriff, jean shorts, Birks. The clerk's eyes hadn't strayed far from the redhead since they'd come in.

"I'll just grab us some drinks and we'll be off. Since the coffee has the intriguing odor of MacTaggart's special blend after four days on the burner, how about something from the cooler? Vanilla Frappuccino, right?"

Kitty nodded, and headed up to the register, followed by her friend. The man rang up their purchases slowly, taking every opportunity to glance at Rachel while making an attempt at conversation, "You young ladies from 'round here?"

Rachel's eyes narrowed at the unwelcome leer and a stray thought. Before Kitty could answer, she just nodded yes and handed over a twenty. The man threw out a perfunctory "Have a good day" as he handed over her change. He wasn't feeling so well all of a sudden. After the girls left the store he scrambled to the antacids and downed several.

Outside, Kitty was a bit miffed with her friend. "Spill it, Ray, what was that all about? He seemed like a nice old guy just talking to the customers. If it was about him staring, hey, I've learned to deal, and I thought you liked the attention."

Rachel shrugged, "He was about to warn us about the 'freak school' to the east. I thought I'd give him something else to worry about- nothing major. A little bellyache that should go away just as soon as he stops being such a racist bastard. Emma's been teaching me about post-hypnotic psychic influence."

"Fix it, Ray."

"He's a jerk, Kitty, a Purity spouting ass who-"

"Just fix it. That's Emma's way, not ours. We're supposed to be the good guys." Her brown eyes glanced back at the little convenience store. "Though I do realize how hard it is sometimes."

Rachel shut her eyes, then opened them. "There. Now how's about letting me drive a bit. That way you can focus more on the music."

Inside, Gerald Rickman was surprised at the immediate relief from the antacid. He scratched his stomach, let out a small belch, and watched the Mazda drive off. For some reason, those two girls gave him the willies. He glanced at the clock, and switched on the old radio be the register. Alice Tremaine was a guest on "Our Modern Crusade" today, and he'd heard good things about her..

* * *

**Author's note: **Thanks again to my reviewers. You are definitely influencing where this is taking me. This chapter was supposed to be about Kitty and her feelings for Pete Wisdom, but I chickened out and went with this instead. I hope Madripoor Rose enjoyed the Kurt and Peter cameos. I find myself trying to fit this into continuity not only with the comics, but also the great fanfic that's out there already. It makes it tricky, since people far, far more capable than I have written wonderful scenes of Kitty and Piotr finally breaking through to each other and I don't know if that particular happy ending is a place I can get to from here. And, again, david, sorry about the Kiotr. Well, not really, 'cause I like it. I myself never had much interest in Pryde-Wisdom, though (I hope) I have some glimpses as to why it worked for so many others. 

Next (for real this time): **Facade**  



	7. Facade

Disclaimer: I wish Marvel would give all these wonderful properties to me, but they haven't, and they retain all copyrights and make all the money. I'm just doing this because I'm bored and curious.

Warning: Lots of spoilers, especially Excalibur issues #71-120,

* * *

"Façade" 

Rachel Grey was having a good day, despite the nauseating echo from the thoughts of the bigot in the convenience store. The sun was shining, she was stuffing her face with food she knew was bad for her, she was with her best friend in the whole world, and, for the moment, she didn't have to be Marvel Girl of the XSE, jetting around the world to fight who knew what. With negligible effort, her telekinesis brought a neon orange colored cheese snack to her mouth.

"Lucky girl," Kitty observed, glancing at her own coated fingers. She considered for a moment, then held her hand over the open bag. Her eyes narrowed in concentration, and suddenly much of the orange powder showered down into the bag, falling right through her hand.

"Impressive control, girlfriend! I didn't know you could do that." Rachel laughed, glancing over at her companion's demonstration of phasing talent. "Of course, we now need to stop off at a gas station to clean the car seats where you missed… or would if you didn't have a phenomenally powerful and considerate telekinetic buddy."

The remaining artificial cheese-flavored particles lifted into the air and flew out the open window. Kitty couldn't help but laugh at the scene. "Show off! And what would Ororo say to an XSE officer littering the highway with a dangerous chemical like Cheez-Doodle dust?" Inwardly, however, she was very proud of Rachel's display of fine control while maintaining enough concentration to drive the car.

"Hey there, space cadet, why don't you turn on the stereo." Rachel sensed some trepidation from the young woman to her right, but felt that they needed to press on. _Track four, I think. Unless you wanna repeat the blues tune, since we bawled all the way through and missed it._

Kitty felt her stomach knot up. Her finger moved towards the CD player, hesitating over the play button. She swallowed reflexively, then pressed it. The disc spun for a moment, and then the sound of electric bass began. A woman's voice- Lojo again- began, "Look through the mirage - its not real. Rip through the façade to know how I feel. I go through life undercover…"

_Kitty, tell me about Pete Wisdom._

Katherine Pryde swallowed again, hard. This was what she'd been dreading. Kitty had never really spoken to Rachel about Pete. She had slipped into the timestream before he'd burst into her life, sardonic, rumpled, and smelling of cigarettes. He was dead before she'd returned, killed on a mission with the kids in X-Force. She'd grieved and moved on. Then came Colossus and his stupidity, and her dad, and Wisdom's picture got lost among all the others in the box.

_I don't know where to begin, Ray. It was after the… unpleasantness on Muir with Peter, when we- no, I tricked him into coming down from Avalon so we could heal his head wound. And then we lost you, and got Brian back. Then off to Maine where we found that android Zero, and Douglock, and that whole Phalanx thing. Then the damn Soulsword came back to haunt me, and I beat the crap out of Kurt. We followed all of that by being manipulated into going to Genosha by Black Air, along with this thin, unshaven, slovenly man in a torn black trench coat. That was my introduction to Peter Wisdom. The man actually lit up in front of Moira- and told her to sod off when she told him to put it out-_

Rachel whistled, _The man had stones, I'll give him that._

Kitty managed a smile, _Courage of that sort, he never lacked. He said worse to me when I snagged a cigarette right from his mouth. Anyway, he came with us to Genosha, being a miserable git about it. We got shot down, and spent a couple weeks in that hellhole. I hated him then. OK, hate isn't the right word. He just pissed me off, all filthy habits and sarcastic remarks. Always making jokes about the spandex-wearing do-gooders. I guess I thought he was kinda cute. A little bit like Alistair Stuart, maybe, but harder, edgier; with a kind of weariness in his eyes. Maybe Alistair crossed with Logan's attitude and charm._

The refrain was playing, "Take off the mask and expose yourself- let us know its not all a charade", sang Russell. "…Everyday you hide yourself you live a masquerade." The song went into an extended, almost Page-esque guitar solo.

Rachel coughed, _Logan's charm? Now I love the old man as much as you, but-_

_Actually, there was a lot of Logan in Pete. I don't know if I saw it then. Anyway, we got back to England, and he had this call from a friend in need, y'know? I could tell how hard it was to ask Brian for help, so I volunteered to fly him to London. We were too late too save his friend. He also saved my life for the first time._

_You know Kit, I'm a little disappointed in you. Falling in love 'cause somebody saved your life is pretty cheesy. It screams "Thirties action yarn", the kind Kurt's always watching._

Kitty wiped her eyes and shook her head. Tears this early in the background story were not a good sign_. Silly girl, I didn't fall in love with him for that. Not _yet_. But a man named Jardine told me the first couple of his "it needed doing" stories. **That **opened my eyes a bit. Under that unbelievably foul exterior was someone who really cared_

_Just like Uncle Logan._

_Will you lay off your Logan kick? We broke into Dream Nails, and at that point, I was starting to get a clue about how I felt, and may have had an inkling that he cared right back. Right before he got captured, we almost kissed. We got free, trashed the place, and, then, well, you know… _ Kitty felt the color rush to her cheeks at the memory of her and Pete in the Midnight Runner, still high on adrenaline, asking him to joinExcalibur, going in back to "discuss" it. That first kiss…

"Bleagh!" Rachel exclaimed, _Oops, sorry Pryde, the memory of the taste of cigarettes was really strong in your mind, and it caught me off guard. You really have to love someone to put up with that. Anyway, you can keep going, it was just starting to get interesting._

_Rachel Anne Su- Grey, you are a wicked, wicked girl _her friend thought, her face burning with embarrassment. She managed to block off the memories of that first night in the 'Runner, firing a glare over at the pouting redhead in the driver seat_. So anyway, we told the rest of Excalibur how we felt about each other at the Chalk & Cheese, and Pete joined up. That was the night Piotr came back._ Deep sadness flowed through the link. That horrible sound. The feeling in her gut that Pete was in trouble. The memories were etched in her mind. Rushing outside to see her new love crumpled on the grass, and her first love standing over him with the most frightening look upon his organic face that she'd ever seen.

_Oh, Kitty. I can't imagine what that must've been like- I've seen Petey mad, and it's scary. But to have him try to kill your boyfriend in a jealous fit-_

_Part of me died that night, I think. We realized later that Piotr wasn't trying to kill Pete- otherwise there was no way he'd have survived the first punch- and that it was really more – how'd Kurt put it? – "hysterical slaps", but that didn't matter. I spent hours watching Moira and Rahne work to save Pete, praying he would be all right. When she came out and told me he was stable, that he was going to live, I collapsed and bawled my eyes out in relief. When that finally ran its course, I was left with the rage that had been building up. I was going to kill someone for the second time in my life. I went to the detention cell and yelled at him, getting out all the anger and the hate. But when I looked in his eyes, all I saw was a scared little boy. I was still pissed - that wouldn't go away until Pete was conscious and mobile and I was sure he'd be all right - but I had a glimpse of how lost he was, and I started to forgive him._

Rachel glanced over at her friend, who was hugging herself tightly. She radiated a feeling of love and support through the link. _You've got a big heart, Kitty. He would still be in orbit if he did that to someone I loved._

* * *

"Nyet, Kurt, I have not seen either of them today. I thought to give Katya some time to be with her friends. I fear I have taken far too much of it since she found me. She has been very generous during my recovery, and I do not wish to burden her. As for Rachel, I fear, she does not care much for my presence. I serve as a constant reminder of the absence of Jean." 

"Mein Gott, is that still an issue?" Nightcrawler exclaimed, laughing, "Our little leibchen needs to deal with her abandonment issues."

"That was unkind, my friend. Little Rachel has been through more than any of us will ever know. Were it in my power to return Jean to her, I would." Piotr's deep voice was reflective, distant. "Perhaps you could find another friend to join you for your revelries. I am sure Henry or Bobby would be happy to join you. Or Logan, if you are going to a bar."

"Nein, Peter. My mind is made up; you will have a good time tonight. You once knew how to have fun, being in the company of your friends, and I intend to make you remember." Kurt announced matter-of-factly, "And do not think about trying to replace Jean- that only leads to trouble. I believe God will return her to us in His own time."

"Then, tovarisch, ask in your prayers for advance warning, that we may seek shelter when Jean and Emma meet again."

"_Was_? A joke?" his blue-furred compatriot laughed, "It is a good start, Peter. Now let us seek out our missing fraulein without further delay. He grabbed the larger man's arm, and the two vanished in a purplish cloud of smoke and the soft BAMF of collapsing air.

* * *

"Nobody knows the real me inside- keep your distance. If you get too close I'll run and hide." Rachel noted that the narrator shared something in common with the couple they were discussing, and filed this information away. "You say you don't know about me, I say that's all right, 'cause I don't want you to see what's behind the mask at night." 

_After Colossus joined the team, things seemed to settle down a bit. Pete had surges of jealousy if I paid any attention to my friend. The silly git didn't have any cause- Piotr was worrying more about his own issues, and seemed to accept- and support- Pete and me as a couple almost immediately. I knew he didn't like Pete, but he knew that I did, and that was enough. _ She found herself a bit surprised at his maturity at that point. She let more memories flow through the link, suppressing the more physical, intimate parts -the misunderstanding with Nate Grey (another timestream-displaced sibling of Rachel's- they'd need to talk later, apparently), Douglock's capture, and the battle with Black Air and the London version of the Hellfire Club. The satisfaction of victory achieved, the flood of relief seeing Wisdom limp up after his fight with his nemesis, Scratch. The horror and disbelief and sadness to find Professor Xavier had gone insane. Their little venture into X-Files territory, with the killer who petrified his victims, writing a letter to God. Meeting his father. And his sister. All the while, never saying-

Rachel took her eyes off the road at glanced over. _You two never said "I love you" all that time? Jeez, Kate, that's pretty freaking lame. I know you have issues, and it certainly sounds like he did too, but to be with a guy that long- for things to be that intense, and to skirt around whether or not you loved each other? _

_Gimme a break, Ray. I'd had two real relationships in my life to that point. One of them broke my heart by falling for some bimbo on another planet, and the other I only knew for a couple days and then he died, like, fifty years before I was born. Of course I was waiting for him to say it first. He told me as soon as he was ready, and I told him right back. Maybe it would've been better if we hadn't, because things started going downhill from there. We fought over poor Douglock. And, yeah, he was right about that. And sometimes he would surprise me by making the most insensitive comments. Finally SHIELD came calling for me and Pete decided he could tell me what I should do…_

_He didn't know you very well, did he? As long as I've known you there have always been your temper and your stubborn streak. He may as well have shoved you in a box and sent you express mail to Nick Fury._

Kitty laughed a bit to herself_. Airmail might've been more comfortable than that SHIELD 'copter and the changing room elevator. Anyway, Logan and I had it out with Ogun again, but not before I met this cute computer tech named Rigby Fallon_

_You're kidding right? No? "Rigby Fallon", huh? Wow._

_He was cute, and we got along great. It had been so long since I'd hung around a guy my own age, who I actually had something in common with other than a freaky genome. We talked, we laughed, but nothing happened. Nothing at all. I got back to Muir, and had to fight real live Bamfs and Nightmare and they were a helluva lot easier than facing Pete. When I told him, I was numb. My mind keep flashing back to when I was fourteen, sitting with Peter on a hill, and he was telling me he'd fallen in love with someone else. But I didn't fall in love with Rigby! Dammit, Ray, I still loved Pete, and he threw it all away. And he walked out on me. We had something truly special and he just gave up. Just like Mom and Dad. Just like me and Peter… And then I found out he was dead, and I never got to see him again. Just like that _

The song had reached he final refrain. Not nearly enough time for the topic, Rachel felt. "Oh everyday I hide myself I live a masquerade…"

Seeing her friend sobbing uncontrollably next to her was breaking Rachel's heart. She could feel the terrible pain welling up, locked away since the day of the breakup. She reached over and put her hand on the young woman's shoulder, again projecting comfort and strength through the link. _Go back or press on_, she thought, shielding it from Kitty. This was dangerous territory. Whatever her feelings for the recently returned Piotr, Wisdom was her first in many ways. Her guard would fly up at any perceived attack. But Rachel wondered if Kitty would ever be able to move on, actually experience the happiness she'd earned, so long as the spectre of Pete Wisdom hung over her like this. It was clear that Miss Pryde was starting to feel the problem was within her, and that she was far too wonderful and loving a person to have to go through life like that.

"God, look at me, I'm a mess." Kitty blew her nose and looked at her reflection in the mirror embedded in the visor. Noticing the CD had moved to the next song- "Teller of Tales", she sighed, saying, "Well, I'm glad that's over. I didn't realize how much losing Pete still hurt. Now this song here reminds me about the old "Pirate Kitty" stories and Nightcrawler and that Well of Time. I wish you'd been around for those days, Red…"

_Kitty, you're babbling_

"Wha-?" She spun her head towards Rachel, confusion registering on her tear stained face. "I'm not babbling. I never babble. I'm just a little full of endorphins after finishing a particularly cathartic episode dealing with leftover emotions for a deceased lov-"

_Kitty, I don't think we've really "finished" with Wisdom._

_Please Ray, don't make me do this. It hurts too much. It's in the past now, nothing I can do will change the way I feel. I'm not going to find Wisdom in the subbasement of some Skrull's condo. He's gone. I still miss him, but I've learned to accept that he died, and I'm OK, Ray, really, I'm OK. _Her thoughts were desperate, pleading.

The car pulled over and slowly came to a stop. "We're never going to get anywhere if we have to keep stopping like this," Rachel quipped, managed to elicit a wan smile from her passenger. _Kitty, I love you dearly. You are my best friend, the anchor I've been able to cling to. You have been there for me more times than I can count. I'm not trying to torture you about Pete. I don't want you to be hurt. I just sense that you need to see something about it, that it will help you get past this pain you are lugging around with you. If you want to stop, we can. I just know you have the strength to overcome this, and I hope that you use it._

_What do you mean? I'm sorry, Ray, genius intelligence or no, I'm not sure what you are talking about._

_Kitty, do you trust me?_

The young mutant sighed heavily. Filled with trepidation and doubts, she managed to nod her head in assent.

Rachel's emerald eyes focused. _First things first- you did love Pete Wisdom. I have no doubt of that. And judging by your memories, he loved you right back. But as we all well know, love isn't always enough._ A compare and contrast image of Scott and Jean on their wedding day and Scott with Emma in the mansion halls flashed in their minds. _You weren't in the best position to start a relationship, Kitty. You still had the feelings that you'd betrayed Piotr, and then the shock of Douglock bearing the image of poor Doug Ramsey. Follow that with Illyana's Soulsword, and you'd been confronted by memories of the loss of the three people dearest to you…_

Four. You were gone too.

The redhead smiled. _OK, four. That left a hole in your heart, a vacuum that needed to be filled. That's where you were when you met Pete. I know you didn't like him at first- God, this is almost _When Harry Met Sally_- but you thought he was cute and your mind latched on anything that showed him to be a decent human being. And he was, underneath that hideously foul façade, he was a guy who loved people, and needed to be loved. I think my earlier Wolverine comparisons are fair- nearly every X-woman I've ever met has harbored at least a small crush on Logan. It's the Bad Boy Syndrome, where you think you think you can be the one to save him from himself, from his loneliness. There's also the excitement factor- Pete was the dangerous one that your mother always warned you about.._

_Great, you've just reduced my one "adult" romance to a series of clichés. Thanks a bunch, but I'm not buying._

_God, Kitty, you were what? Sixteen? Seventeen at the oldest? Besides, don't call them clichés- they're more like archetypes. You and Piotr had an archetypal romance, both here and in my time. So did my parents. So did me and Franklin. These are the elements of relationships. You fell for Pete because you found out that he was a good man, and was worth "rescuing" – which is probably part of the classic X-men penchant for picking up troubled strays. _Images of Banshee, Rogue, Gambit, Emma, Marrow and Juggernaut danced around the mindscape. _And Pete fell for you because you were a bright, witty, competent, beautiful young woman who made him feel alive again. I think I see why that song would make you think of him- and it applied to both of you. For all his spandex-bashing, Pete hid his own identity behind his cynical, callous image. His heart may as well as have been encased in organic steel. And you, dear Kitty, put on your own costume, that of an adult woman, when part of you was still an insecure teenager. I don't think the relationship could've lasted much longer, even if you'd never gone to SHIELD. You were two very different people. He was a cynic by all your accounts. And I don't think he ever fully believed – that is, he couldn't allow himself to fully believe that someone like you could truly love someone like him. And you were never going to get him to open up, not the way you wanted him to. He would've resented the attempts after a while. And I can't see you dragging him to the prequels or _Lord of the Rings_. He was far "too cool" for stuffed toys or dancing or just being a kid. He may have only been a decade or so older chronologically, but he'd seen too much to ever recapture the innocence he'd lost._

Kitty blew her nose again. She didn't entirely accept her friend's theory, but some of it made sense. She sent the thought, Even if you're right, what good does it do know? I mean, if our relationship was one of those "passions that burned too bright to survive" things, how does that help me now?

_Because you've learned from it, haven't you? OK, maybe you backslided with that Seth guy, but you can clearly take the lessons of the past and learn and grow. You're the genius here, kid. You can move on and make sure your eyes are wide open when the right one comes along. You know that you have been loved are lovable. Someone thought so much of you that he couldn't resist being with you when every neuron in his brain was probably screaming that it could never work. He was too chickenshit at the end to make it last._

"Maybe. I wish…," she choked back a sob, "I wish I'd just been able to see him again. To see if he'd ever forgiven me, to see if he still cared. And I'll never know now that he'd dead."

"Y'know Pryde, if he cared, he would want you to be happy." Rachel's face was serious, but there was a hint of mischievousness around the eyes, "Besides, someone once told me that 'that trick never works.'"

**

* * *

Author's note-** whew, this was hard. And I'm glad it's done. It's far, far longer than it has any right to be. This is how I see the Pryde-Wisdom relationship when I'm feeling kindly disposed to Mr. Wisdom. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

RandomMarvelFan- here it is. Yes, Wisdom is a vital part of Kitty's life. As for where we go from here, I don't know. I have three or four more major themes I'd like to cover, not as extensively as Wisdom, but there's only one that I feel needs to be addressed.

David: I'd read Trynia Merin's stuff while flitting about It's pretty good stuff, but I didn't care for the characterization of Ororo and Piotr. We all have our biases. I'm sorry I wasn't able to do Wisdom justice here

Anhayla- Much of the Pryde-Wisdom issues have wonderful interaction with the other characters. I hope, in some small way, to justify the existence of the relationship here, but not offer hope for a rekindling, because chemistry doesn't equal destiny.

Madripoor Rose- As one of the Kiotr "giants" (those of you with multiple wonderful Kiotr fics, and oldprydefan, who should continue **Paper Flowers** darnit) I am curious as to your feelings on Pete Wisdom…


	8. Teller of Tales

Disclaimer- Marvel owns these characters lock, stock, and barrel. I'm using them without permission but without malice or profit.

Warning- Spoilers from decades of X-History. Step at your own risk.

"Teller of Tales"

Rachel Grey turned the ignition and got Scott's car moving again. She stole a glance over at her best friend in this- or any- world, and felt twinges of guilt, and no small amount of concern. Kitty was staring out the window, arms tightly wrapped around her. Tears stained her cheeks, and she was still shaking softly. Rachel had instantly regretted the quip about the habitual X-men resurrections- there was an image she'd pulled from Domino during that squabble with Cable that might have meant Wisdom was still alive, but she wasn't positive and didn't want to give false hope. If Pete were still alive, and had wished to contact his ex-lover, he would have; that he hadn't meant that he was a coward- and thus undeserving of her; or he was dead, and she needed to bury him in her feelings and memories.

The CD was still playing. "Teller of Tales", Kitty had said, when she tried to change the subject earlier. It was Emma Bull on vocals, and a much folksier aspect to it. She was singing about fanciful snippets- a man drinking down the sea, or a giant from space who held a star in his hands. "I heard of a tree with its roots deep in hell, of a carpet woven with light. I heard of a secret that will never be told- it will be in his heart 'til he dies," went the CD. Not wanting to bring up Pirate Kitty- for fear of following the loss of one deceased loved one with another, Rachel moved her finger to the skip button.

"No, Ray, leave it, please." Kitty's voice was hoarse. "Don't worry, I'm not going to get all maudlin about Illyana right now."

Rachel's eyes grew wide with astonishment- had Kitty heard her thoughts? She didn't think she was transmitting them, and she'd cut the link to give her friend a little privacy to ruminate about loves lost. It must have just been an educated guess. "How are you feeling?"

"I'll survive." Her tone was bitter, but Rachel knew it wasn't directed at her. She had heard the tone before, when Kitty would reminisce about all her dreams, what she'd hoped to be someday- a Nobel winning scientist; a world-class dancer; the ace of the Cubs' rotation; President. Life was hard and had dealt her a bad hand, and while she persevered, made lemonade and played the cards like a shark, she mourned, in the silence of her soul, all the goals and aspirations that this fouled up world had destroyed.

They drove along in silence for a minute or so, each of them lost in thought. Kitty decided to break the reverie, "So, Red, how's things with you?"

"Just fine, Kitty." Rachel said, almost reflexively, "I can't complain, really." Even as the words left her mouth, she knew that it wouldn't go unchallenged. Her friend knew her too well.

_Oh really?_ Kitty sent the thought, _The thing is, Ray, I know that's a load of shit. And if we have to have this heart to heart, it's not going to be a one-way street. I know you're hurting too, and it isn't just about Jean. Telekinesis may be a function of will, but some burdens are best shared._

_This is your show, kiddo, your music. If it were Psychic Fractal Geomancers or Macrocosmic Jelly, I would be all over this; really I would. It helped to talk about my issues with Scott earlier, but other than that and my mom, I'm doing all right._ She didn't mean to be evasive- it was just difficult to open up, even with her best friend. She knew that Kitty had other friends, as dear to her as she. Illyana and Doug. Peter and Ororo. Even Kurt and Logan. All of them as close to Kitty Pryde as she, and Rachel was loathe to say anything else that might drive another wedge between them, because she really didn't have anyone else. She didn't seem to have the knack.

_Ray, I know that you are a little scared. I know things haven't been that good between us lately, but I am your friend and that isn't going to change._ In response to the shocked expression in those wide, emerald eyes, she went on, _I know you feel so alone, Rachel. I think I know how much I mean to you- you hide it, but we've been so close for so long, you can't shut everything out. It scares me a little, but I love you too, you silly girl. And I won't let a stupid fight tear apart our friendship. So tell Aunt Kate what the trouble is._

_The trouble is that I **am** alone, Kitty! Being part of the XSE is fine, but it isn't the family Excalibur was. I love them all- even gruff old Bishop- and I'm proud to fight by their side, but it just isn't the same. We come back from the Savage Land and scatter to the four winds. Logan goes rogue on us, scares the shit out of me and tries to get me to kill the President, then he kills poor Jean-Paul after trying to gut you. Bishop's either playing detective down in Mutant Town or mooning after Sage. Ororo and I aren't particularly close right now. Of all the counterparts to the X-Men that were my family, she is the most different, nothing like the serene goddess who helped me in the pens. Sam went back to the Bush League to play with my brother. And then there's Kurt…_

An eyebrow arched. Kitty had been waiting for his name to come up. Something had happened to them in the Danger Room a while back – they'd shared a kiss during a swashbuckling scenario that was just so Nightcrawler.- and then, apparently, the moment was lost. Kitty liked Kurt a lot-they even cracked jokes about how creeped out she'd been when she met him those long years ago. Now, especially after their time with Excalibur and his being there on the anniversary of Peter's… incident, she was as close to her as any on the team. But thinking of him romantically was another story. He was certainly attractive- for all his boasts about it, he really was truly and devastatingly handsome. Lean, muscular, oh so flexible, with a boyish yet rakish charm that was well nigh irresistible. Drool worthy, definitely. But aside from the quasi-fraternal feelings she had for him, she would never get involved with Kurt because she could never compete. Amanda, Cerise, heck, the Queen of Ruritania whose wedding they'd crashed was looking at him with thinly disguised lust. Now Rachel and Ororo? And that nurse from those horrible murders- Christine… something. Palmer, that was it. And let's not forget that they said he had a kid from an alternate dimension with the Scarlet Witch. And Kurt- and she loved him dearly- seemed a little too cavalier about the whole thing.

She listened a moment while she considered all this. "They asked for excuses for what I would do, and reasons for what I had planned. They asked me for justice as if it were mine

I asked for reprieve and was damned," sang Emma, her higher pitched voice settling nicely on her memories.

Finally, she asked a question that had been plaguing her. _Rachel, when was the last time you had a boyfriend?_

_Franklin._ The thought came quickly, and was tinged with sorrow. _Alistair was a little blatant about his feelings, and he was a cutie. Decidedly not my type. though. Excalibur didn't leave much time for a social life. I must say that Rory Campbell was pretty hot- I loved the look on his face when I kissed him after my parents' wedding- but I left before anything could happen between us. I wonder what he's up to now that the Legacy thing's all settled. After that, well, Mother Askani wasn't exactly a socialite, and Gaunt had no conception of personal hygiene or how to treat a lady. I got caught up in my studies after my brother rescued me, and then there was Bogan._

* * *

Two figures appeared in the halls of the mansion with the soft bamf that was Nightcrawler's trademark. Piotr pinched his nose once, his eyes watering, then moved quickly to escape the noxious cloud. Kurt laughed heartily and followed him. That was probably the first time he'd teleported Peter since his return, and clearly the young Russian, despite his incredible endurance, was out of practice. 

"I apologize, _mein freund_," he said cheerily. "I seem to have gotten a little carried away. I am most eager to begin the evening festivities. Where shall we begin our search for the beautiful damsels?"

Piotr let out an explosive breath, hoping that it was now safe to inhale. "I still do not think that this is such a good idea, Kurt. There are too many things that could go wrong."

Kurt staggered back in mock amazement, "Go wrong? Not while the 'Fabulous Nightcrawler' is in charge of everything. I am insulted at the very suggestion. You cut me to the bone, Peter, to the bone! Why, a slight of this magnitude can only be answered in one way!"

"You wish to duel me, _tovarisch? _ It has been a while since our lessons on Muir, but I am, I think, up to the challenge."

"A duel it is, but as the insulted party, it is for me to decide the nature of the weapon. Since I, the preeminent swordsman of all those bearing the X, have no desire to embarrass you with the blade, I must find a more equitable challenge." Kurt's extravagant manner and towering confidence was a persona into which he easily slipped. Growing up with Errol Flynn and Douglas Fairbanks as role models could do no less.

"Was it not Katya that bested you during your last fencing match?" Piotr asked, with a slight smile.

"_Ja_," Kurt assented in his native German, "but there were mitigating circumstances." He noted an amused smirk on his friend's face, "Nevertheless, our little _Katzchen_ has decidedly grown up, and has become quite the magnificent young woman. It pains me that such a beautiful _fräulein _should have suffered so much in her young life."

"Kurt, my friend," the tall man spoke in a stern voice, "your grasp of the fine art of subtlety never fails to astonish me. However, I do not feel Katya would appreciate such a blatant attempt to play matchmaker. That ship sailed long ago, and I, fool and coward that I am, jumped overboard before we had left the safety of the harbor."

Kurt nodded gravely. As dear as Peter and Kitty were to him, he felt he must accept Peter's rebuff at face value. Despite his heart-to-heart with Logan in Paris, the unwritten rule against deep discussions of the love lives of his fellow X-men remained in force. He glanced up at the giant frame walking beside him, his yellow eyes narrowing. Ideas percolated through his brain, bubbling up into a mischievous scheme. "Ah, well if that ship has sailed, then perhaps we should see what else is in the port! Our duel is thus: at the bar tonight, we will each attempt to steal a kiss from a beautiful woman. On the lips, of course. I do not want you to play your 'perfect gentleman' role to get an inconsequential peck on the cheek."

"_Nyet!_ I cannot! I am not ready for such… personel interaction." His blue eyes were a bit wild, exhibiting fear, but not panic.

"You have already accepted. You would not be so churlish a knave as to renege now!" Kurt spoke dramatically, and then continued in a less theatrical tone, "Peter, I am your friend, and I refuse to watch you shelter yourself away like this. This duel is but a game- I am not asking you to fall in love. I am merely asking you to try to enjoy life. You are no longer captive to anything but your own insecurities, and if you continue to wallow in these fears, they will eat you up inside. You will be of little help to the team if you regress to the doubt-plagued farm boy I met those long years ago."

Piotr was taken aback. It was a low blow, but a valid one. He had been distracted of late, and it had affected his performance. He sighed heavily, heavily muscled shoulders drooping in defeat. "_Da_. You have made your point. I will take part in this… challenge of yours." He noted the slight smirk on the blue furred face, then spoke again, "I wonder, comrade, if this is merely a ploy by you to share another embrace with the lovely Miss Grey."

Feigned innocence marked his devilishly handsome face, "Who? Me?"

_

* * *

So what about Kurt?_ thought Kitty.

_I fear Herr Wagner only has eyes for an African Beauty_ Rachel responded, referencing the English translation of Ororo. _That ship hasn't just sailed- it sank as soon as she walked into the Danger Room with the Old Man on her arm. I was stupid to think it was anything but him getting swept up in his swashbuckling persona. If he were interested in me, it would only because he couldn't get her, and quite frankly, I've got too much pride to be anyone's plan B._

Wishing she had her friend's self-confidence, Kitty could only nod silently. She didn't know if it was the strength of Rachel's relationship with Franklin, which ended with his death at the hands of Sentinels, or that she was simply self confident enough that she was willing to wait… Kitty stifled a giggle, _Oh God, you aren't waiting for Franklin to grow up, are you?_

Rachel just had to laugh back, _Yeah, Kit, I'm sure Reed and Sue would love their son dating a girl over a decade older- _Remembering the age difference between Kitty and Wisdom, she hastily thought, in a Seinfeld-esque manner, _Not that there's anything wrong with that._

_Sure Ray, rub it in._ She wasn't too upset, but she did feel the emptiness of not having someone special in her life. Helping Peter work through his issues was one thing, and while she knew he still cared for her and that she was helping him a lot, she needed some normal, everyday human interaction. Besides, he'd been pretty dismissive of her today when she asked if he wanted to get together today for a coffee. "Nyet, Katya," he'd said, claiming he didn't want to take up too much of her time. Obviously meaning that he'd had enough of her presence for the day. She chewed her bottom lip, lost in thought. _You know what you need – what we both really need – is a night on the town. Go dancing, meet some nice boys, actually have a good time._

With a sideways glance, Rachel considered the proposal. She'd received some vague images about Colossus in her friend's mind, along with a sense of frustration. Perhaps a night out would do them both some good. _You sure, Pryde?_

_Hell yeah! It's time we ditched the spandex and our reservations and got out there and broke some hearts. We've been running around, saving the world for so long that I just feel the need to go out and be a little crazy, y'know? We've earned it, right?_

She would be lying if she said she had no reservations. Their discussion had left them both in an emotionally vulnerable place, and it wasn't done- there were still four more tracks to go on this disc alone. Kitty'd been skirting around her feelings about Peter, so who knew how that would go if any song forced that into the spotlight. But Kitty wasn't going to go all to pieces over some guy she met on the dance floor. With a few notable exceptions, she was a mature, level-headed young woman who really needed the release that a night out would bring. _You know Emma won't approve. Wasn't there something she wanted you to do?_

Kitty shrugged her shoulders. _What Emma Frost wants … isn't important. Neither is her approval. What is important is that you and I go out, have a great time, and don't get to sleep until sunrise. Now are you in or not?_

_For you, girlfriend, sure… By the way, Kitty, now that we come to talk about it, whatever happened to Rory? I wouldn't mind dancing with him tonight_.

Kitty nearly choked on her frappuccino. _Um, I don't think he's your type, Ray._ She buried all thought of the image Amanda had shared- that Rory, in another timeline had become the Master of the Hounds, Ahab, who had been responsible for most of the pain in Rachel's young life_. I think you can trust me on this._

The song was playing its final refrain as she thanked God she didn't let her knowledge of Rory's future slip through. "Spin out tales like a spider spins webs, lead me by voice and by feel. Show me the places where beauty still walks, and I'll tell you why it's not real." She thought to herself, _Real or not, Rache and I need a little beauty in our lives._

**

* * *

Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay. It isn't that this is exactly filler, but I had to wait for it to write itself. It was about time for Kitty to turn the tables on Rachel, and she isn't done yet. I'm glad Amokitty asked to see Kurt and Piotr. I fear I'm being too heavy handed, but I am trying to set up the contrast between women and men discussing relationships, where men are uncomfortable and tend to cut it short wherever possible, while woman are generally much more mature about the whole thing. It also gives me a good goal for the ending, now that both pairs are ready for a night out. Thanks go to the real life band Cats Laughing, now sadly broken up. The lyrics I include are from their first album, tying the song to the chapter title. I've been listening to each song repeatedly as I prepare each chapter. Good stuff, in my opinion.

To my reviewers, thank you so much! That some of you consider this a favorite story is extremely flattering.

To _RandomMarvelFan, _I am very happy to see that it has an emotional impact. I've teared up a couple times myself, but that is the power of the original stories. The writers at Marvel have done some awful, awful things to our favorite mutants. Kitty is so hard to write- for one, she's smarter than I'll ever be, which I know I'm not representing well. She also has so much rich, deep history to work from. I hope I'm doing her justice.

To _Madripoor Rose, _yeah, well, Doc Samson was unavailable, and lord knows these girls have themselves some issues. My experiences in college left me the impression that was what best friends were for. Well, the women, anyway. The guys were there to help you find the toilet when you'd had way too much to drink. As for Pete Wisdom, I'm sorry I spoiled anything. I tend to forget that not everyone's read all the comics. I do hope Marvel eventually does Essential Excalibur- maybe with the new series starting in the fall.

To _david,_ part of my concern is the grasp of history. Whether Piotr loved Zsaji is up to debate- her healing powers had the effect of forging an emotional bond. It was noticeable with the Human Torch as well. And the reason Colossus left with the Acolytes was because he gave his word that he would return, and he was hoping to be a voice of moderation. From the kiss they shared before he returned, it was clear to me that he'd already forgiven Kitty for her "betrayal". I guess that Excalibur #92 is some of the worst Colossus characterizations for me, where he comes across all barbaric and insane, when _right before he got there_, he had worked with Logan and Ororo in the Morlock tunnels to defeat Gene Nation (Uncanny #325). He was completely rational, already knowing he needed to atone for his mistakes before he would be able to return to the X-men. He also kissed Callisto passionately. How he got from that to the crazed, jealous jerk, I don't know. That issue also had Piotr and Ororo talk about why he wasn't returning, which made her melodrama about it in "Storm of Contention" a bit curious. And Piotr's panic at seeing them equally curious, since he already had. Still, I would recommend Trynia's stories, especially to Pryde-Wisdom fans. They are engaging reads, and I love a good space romp. It's hard to get every character "right" to everyone's satisfaction. I know there are Wisdom or Emma Frost fans that will hate how I treat them.


	9. The Good Stuff

Chapter 9

Kurt glanced around the halls looking for his friends, to no avail. He fingered his communicator, idly considering using official channels. But he was a respected member of the law enforcement community now, and to use it for personal reasons would certainly be frowned upon. He saw a pair of students walking along the corridor and hailed them.

"Slapdash, Vidscreen, how are you today?" Kurt knew the importance of identity for children their age, and decided not to call them by their given names, Vernon and Jorge. Vernon- Slapdash- was a low-level speedster whose mouth moved faster than his brain, and Vidscreen could generate holograms. Neither seemed to have X-men potential, but Kurt was happy to see the school had become a place where mutants could develop their abilities and not have it be a matter of life or death.

"Mr. Wagner! Hi! Last drama class was amazing! When you 'ported in and scared Fidget into vibrating her chair apart was so co-"

"Ah, I am glad you enjoyed it," Kurt spoke fast to cut the excitable teen off. "We were looking for either Miss Pryde or Miss Grey, have you seen either of them?"

Vernon's eyes flickered to the massive form of Peter Rasputin, and then to his friend, who gave a slight nod. His eyes grew very wide. "I think, that is, we, Jorge and I, um, we were by the carpool earlier today and, uh, we…"

"They went into the carpool, Señor Wagner. They looked like they were going out." His hand made a little dance in the air, and a tiny hologram of Kitty and Rachel walking arm in arm through the door to the garage. "I'm sorry I cannot help any more than that."

Peter's deep voice rumbled softly, "_Spaceeba_, er, Vidscreen. We will meet up with them some other time. Right now, Mr. Wagner and I must be on our way." He turned on his heels and walked back down the hall. Kurt caught up with him quickly. They walked in silence for several yards down the gleaming hallway.

"So what now? We have time to kill before we go out tonight. Would you like to pop in a DVD to pass the day, waiting for either our _frauleins_ or the lure of the Salem Center nightlife to beckon us thither?"

"I was thinking of a workout, perhaps. It would be good to loosen up," Peter said, staring off into space.

"A capital idea, my friend. As it happens, I believe the Danger Room is free after Scott and Emma's session."

* * *

The CD was now playing a bouncy blues song called "The Good Stuff". Heavy on guitar, bass and harmonica, it covered little scenarios of longing and grass being greener bits. Kitty tapped her fingers to the rhythm, and gazed out the window. Despite the tears, it'd been a good trip so far. Good music, good friends, what more could you want out of life? 

_Hey Ray, do you think I could borrow that leather mini for tonight?_ Kitty thought at her friend, picturing herself in it, maybe with a camisole top. Her own wardrobe had gotten increasingly conservative since she left Chicago, since leather pants with giant ovals cut out of the sides were suited neither for teaching nor the whole superhero gig. She knew Rachel had always had some drop dead gorgeous clothes- or at least that was the reaction of the smitten men who saw her in them. And Kitty knew that she needed to go over the top to even pull one pair of eyes away from the red headed vixen by her side.

Rachel laughed as she caught the thought, _You know I never go looking for that sort of attention._

_And yet I never see you wearing a muumuu, do I? Anyway, it's just for fun, and it isn't like anything is going to come from it. I just haven't had the chance to just dance away the night in so long, and I think this will be the perfect-_ Kitty stopped the thought there as something caught her eye. A group of people was surrounding a lone figure in the distance. It could have been innocent, but she didn't like the odds. _Let's just stop and see what the deal is, ok?_

Rachel pulled the car over a few dozen yards away from the situation. "How you want to play this, Pryde?" They could go in, guns a blazing, as it were, but Kitty signaled her to keep it close to the vest.

"Mutie lover!" "Gene-joke third species wannabe freak!" A group of seven teen-aged boys and girls were spouting catcalls and insults at a black haired girl who couldn't have been more than thirteen. She was trying to back away, but they'd already surrounded her.

A blonde cheerleader type grabbed at the victim's backpack, which led to a tug of war. Kitty saw the olive green army pack was covered in black marker graffiti, with phrases like "Magneto lives" and "XSE kicks ass" standing out. Noting the dark clothing and makeup, she wondered if "Hot Topic" had made mutants the new in-thing for Goths, along with Rainbow Brite and retro videogames. She hadn't seen much of it at Xavier's, but then, they really _were_ mutants.

"Leave me alone! I didn't do anything!" the girl had an air of defiance that didn't quite cover up the pointed note of desperation in her voice.

"'Fraidy Katie, we saw you in the library… we know you were IM-ing some mutie at the freak school." The cheerleader spat out scornfully.

"Yeah, you're a damn race traitor!" a guy to the cheerleader's left spouted. He had the obligatory varsity jacket on, denoting his membership on the football and wrestling teams. Kitty sized him up, and some of the others. Five boys, two girls. All fairly athletic in build. She nodded to Rachel, and they moved in behind the gang.

"Is something the matter, children?" she asked, adopting a schoolmarm tone. She knew she should try to defuse the situation, and her sense of responsibility was temporarily overriding her desire to knock some sense into these bigots. And since she knew the futility of that wish, she at least longed to at least slap them around a bit. She smiled a bit at her own hostility.

Mr. Varsity glanced at them, pausing long enough to leer at Rachel. "Nothing we can't handle, ma'am. Just a friendly little disagreement among school kids. She's a mutie-lover, and we were just trying to explain to her why she's wrong."

"Yeah!" agreed the cheerleader, "We're just trying to save her from getting hurt. She was actually chatting with a…" her face twisted into a grimace of disgust. "…mutant on the computer." There were rumbles of assent from the remainder of the crew. Kitty glanced them over, categorizing them for ease of identification. Bigotry clearly came in all shapes and colors. Jock. Cheerleader. Young Republican in a J.Crew shirt and creased khakis. Wannabe metrosexual with perfectly coiffed hair, that layered shirt look that had just returned to fashion circles, and a manicure. Art student, a girl of apparent Japanese ancestry in overalls and a baggy, anime sweatshirt. Farmboy in jeans and a t-shirt. Jock II, an African-American wearing his school baseball jersey. It didn't matter how accurate the labels were, even if she felt a twinge of guilt about categorizing people this way. Given the impressions Rachel was sending, the group was much more hostile than they were letting on, and the terms provided simplified communication between the psi-linked X-men..

"Ah," she spoke slowly, "I see. Seven people to educate one girl. And they say that the teacher-student ratio is terrible here." No laughs, okay, bad joke. Fake smile on the cheerleader and farmboy. Noticeable tension in the shoulders of the two jocks and the art student. "So, why don't we all agree to disagree, let the kid go home and believe whatever she wants, and you all go and believe whatever you want, and everyone lives happily ever after."

"You a mutie lover too, lady?" Jock II scowled, "You and your red-head girlfriend get off on gene-freaky lesbo action?" His fists were clenched, and his jaw was set. "Just hop in the car and drive away, and don't worry 'bout this little chickie. We're not going to hurt her too much, just 'til she starts thinking right"

Several of the gang voiced their agreement, though the Young Republican looked a bit nervous, possibly wondering about the legal ramifications of their actions. Kitty noticed Rachel moving into position casually. She should pull her badge, Kitty though, and probably scare these kids into backing down. It could end without violence.

_Perhaps, Kate, but it would also tag the poor kid for the rest of the school year as being protected by mutants. Given this crowd, and there's sure to be more at school just like them, it'll just lead to more trouble. I don't plan on going back to high school to be her bodyguard, do you? You have enough trouble with your own kids._

Kitty nodded, conceding the point. She resigned herself, and spoke, "Sorry, but Good Samaritan rules state we can't just leave the damsel in distress. Go home. Maybe ask your parents why they raised to you be a bunch of racist jerks. Leave this girl alone. No one has to get hurt."

This seemed to raise the dander of the Cheerleader and farmboy. The latter spoke angrily, "My momma taught me to love Jesus and cast out abominations like mutants. Don't you dare say nothin' bad about her!"

Again they muttered angry assent. They were just psyching themselves up for a fight. They'd sized up the odds, and figured a greater than two-to-one advantage was doable. Kitty could almost manage a little pity for them. She was surprised at the audacity of them, taking on a pair of adults who they must realize would at least call the cops on them. Unless the local constabulary were of the same ilk as them and the convenience store clerk. Just how far had they come from Salem Center?

The metrosexual wannabe – she decided to call him "preppie", and feeling rather old because of it- took his turn, "We asked you to leave. You really don't want to be here. Katie needs to learn her lesson, and we're going to teach her. You'll find the police are more sympathetic to our side-" Yeah, the cops aren't on the side of the angels. "-so just leave. Please."

Rachel spoke up, "We aren't leaving until you all go. My friend already said so. The ball's in your court, kids. Choose wisely." She was adopting a casual pose, but Kitty knew that her red-headed temper was on full simmer underneath the calm façade.

The jock had apparently gotten his courage, and his dander, up. He balled his fists and walked right towards Rachel.

* * *

Peter looked down at the Danger Room from the control room. Cyclops and Emma were finishing up a simulation against some Prime Sentinels, with Scott using his innate mastery of spatial geometry to turn his lover's diamond form into a scatter point, splitting his optic beam into four and slamming into their remaining attackers all at once. He had been nervous about walking in on them, as their public displays of affection were rather well known around campus, and did not quite understand Kurt's assurance that if anything intimate had been going on, there would have been a sock over the handle to the door. The Danger Room doors didn't even have handles, just control panels. 

Their simulation ended, Scott glanced up at their audience in the control room. He acknowledged them with a wave and took the towel Emma was offering. "We're all done here, if you two were thinking of taking it for a spin. It's been a little temperamental of late- Hank and I need to run a diagnostic- so I wouldn't take it past level four."

"And Kurt," added Emma, "I do hope you keep better decorum than the last time you played in the Danger Room. And I don't think Katherine would find that very humorous." She laughed quietly to herself, all the while looking appraisingly at the two figures in the dome above her. She gave a nearly imperceptible shrug and went to the exit with her co-headmaster.

Peter and Kurt headed downstairs to the Danger Room floor. Kurt didn't know what his friend had entered for a scenario, but it didn't make sense to waste a 'port right before a workout. He wanted to be sharp, and they hadn't worked much together since Excalibur. It was definitely time to shake off the rust.

"Shall we begin?" boomed Colossus, the overhead lights reflected every which way off his armored skin. He pressed a button on the wall, and the room became a bar. Kurt had been here before- years ago. It had been the day Peter had broken up with Kitty. Logan had brought him here to teach him a lesson. It seemed like the young Russian was planning on seeing how well he had learned it. "I do not expect you to help, even as you did not help that day. Logan was right, I had betrayed a teammate, and had earned my beating. I feel the need to test my mettle, however, and prove something to myself. You will have your own opponent."

With that, he grabbed a glass of beer and poured it over the hulking figure at the bar.

* * *

Rachel couldn't keep the trace of a smile from creeping onto her face as the Jock charged forward. She did note that the farmboy was rushing in to dance with her as well, as was the preppie. That left Jock II and the Young Republican (she didn't have the heart to tell Kitty that the kid had registered Democrat) for Kitty, with Art School chick and Cheerleader hanging back and rooting for their compatriots.

Bigotry really irritated her, and she knew she'd have to keep her emotions under tight control here. They needed to take these kids down fast, even embarrassingly, but they were just kids. She waited for the punch to start, focusing on the tightening of the Jock's throat. He swung, a vicious right handed roundhouse that she darted inside, striking her carotid artery while guiding his momentum in an arc that sent him tumbling to the ground. She immediately sent a sidekick into the midsection of the farmboy, sending him sprawling. She turned to face the last of her attackers, and spared a glance over at Kitty.

Her friend had the Young Republican (Democrat) in a hammerlock, and Jock II was circling around looking for an opening. She threw her captive over her hip, and stood to face her remaining opponent. He charged in to tackle her. She vaulted over him, sending him careening off balance. He staggered to his feet, and charged again, staying more upright this time, his arms outstretched to grab her should she try to jump him again. Kitty went low instead, dropping down and sweeping his legs out from underneath him. He crumpled in a heap. The first boy had gotten back up, and had picked up a fallen branch.

"Stay back!" he cried. His khakis were grass stained, and he waved his stick like a sword. "I will bash your brains out, you bitch!"

"Now you've gone and hurt my feelings." Kitty said quietly, right before launching a blur of a spinning crescent kick that splintered the branch right out of his hand. Before he could even respond to this, her hands shot out, hitting pressure points on his arms and legs. He fell to the ground, nerveless. She looked over at the girls, whose cheerleading had turned to shock. "Don't you want to play too, girls?" Catching the sight of Jock II clambering to his feet, she almost negligently stepped in, deflected his punch, then tossed him into the Young Republican with a wrist throw.

Rachel glanced over as her knee connected solidly with the solar plexus of the preppie. His eyes teared up, and he fell to his hands and knees trying to catch his breath. The five boys were now all on the ground, groaning and whimpering. It had been a quick fight, and they didn't permanently damage the kids, much as she may have wanted to. "Just remember, children, you chose this little beat down. You could have walked away."

"Wait 'til my dad hears what you did!" yelled the cheerleader, her voice shrill. "We'll see how you like the lockup! Sluts like you will be real popular in prison!"

Kitty tried not to laugh. What WB drama is she mining her dialogue from? she sent to Rachel, who was covering her mouth. She took a breath and spoke quietly, but with an edge that she knew wouldn't be mistaken, "Listen, kid. You can go run home to daddy if you like, but he won't be able to bust us for defending ourselves. Then you can try to explain to your schoolmates how your boyfriend and his buddies got taken down by a couple of girls." And maybe you could explain why two perfectly able girls are too dependent on their male friends to get their nails dirty. For some reason, that bothered Kitty almost as much as their blind hatred.

The boys had stumbled to their feet, avoided the piercing eyes of Kitty and Rachel. They stumbled off, still moaning, to an SUV parked a hundred feet or so away. The girls followed them, although the cheerleader made one more snipe about telling her dad and how much trouble they were going to be in. The black Ford drove off, tearing down the road at a high rate of speed, kicking up gravel in its wake.

Rachel had gone over to Katie, the victim of the whole incident. "Are you gonna be all right?"

"I- I think so," her voice came out haltingly, barely a whisper. "Thank you."

"Listen- Katie, right?" The girl nodded. Rachel shook her hand, "My names Rachel, and this is Katherine."

"Kitty," her friend said reflexively.

"Sorry- Kitty. Do you think those kids will give you any more grief today? Did you need a ride home? We could take you to your house."

"Okay. Thank you." Katie's voice was still very quiet. They climbed into the Mazda, with the small girl barely fitting into the alleged back seat. They engaged in a little small talk, and soon they arrived at a small Cape Code.

"I'll be fine- and thanks again for your help. I think I would've been OK, but they cut me off and surrounded me." Anger was beginning to replace the fear that had been in her eyes. "I wish I was a mutant, I would so teach them all a lesson! I'd fry their brains or burn their hearts or turn their flesh into sludge and then they'd never ever pick on me again!"

"Easy there, kiddo," interjected Kitty. "Piling hate on hate doesn't make anything any better. It just creates more hatred. And frying a person's brain is not a good way to change his mind. As for being a mutant, I imagine it's neither as bad as your, ahem, friends seemed to think or as good as you make it out to be."

"Shows what you know! Josh tells me that things are so cool at Xavier's- that's the Mutant School in Salem Center. He said he even gets to help out the X-men and the XSE! Being a mutant must be the coolest thing in the world!"

Kitty and Rachel looked at each other, making a silent vow to keep a certain gold-skinned Mr. Foley off the instant messenger and possibly out of the computer labs for the rest of his life. "Oh? Is that the… boy those kids accused you of chatting with?"

Kitty got out of the passenger's side to allow Katie to climb out. The girl reminded her a bit of herself in the Malt Shoppe when she babbled on, "Yeah! He's great! I want to go meet him someday, 'cept I told him I was sixteen, not fourteen. Well, almost fourteen. He says he isn't allowed to say much about the school, but that he loves being a mutant and he can't wait to join the X-men someday."

"And he hasn't mentioned all the bad things about being a mutant? Like a whole lot of people sharing the feelings of your schoolmates back there? Or how the X-men fight- and die sometimes- for people that hate them?" Kitty seemed intent on disabusing the girl of the more romantic notions she possessed.

"What do you know about it?" challenged the teenager, feeling threatened. She'd expected them to agree with her completely about mutants, since they'd gone through all the trouble to defend her from those bad kids. She supposed adults just didn't understand how cool mutants really were. She added, a bit sullenly, "Anyway, thanks again for all your help and for the ride."

As Katie headed towards the door, Rachel noticed her bookbag was still in the car. "Oh, Katie, don't forget this."

The young girl froze as the bag flew slowly through the air and deposited itself at her feet. Her eyes grew even wider when she heard Rachel's voice in her head._ As for what we know about it, I would have to say- just about everything._

The color drained from her face, and she grabbed the bag and ran into the house.

_ Ain't it always what it seems that good stuff only happens in dreams_

_ I don't care what people say, I live my life day to day…_

_

* * *

_**Author's Note: **So sorry about the delay... life happens at all. I've tried to reduce the amount of music in the story, as I understand that bothered some of you. Next up, Colossus vs. Juggernaut! Kitty and Rachel on the run! And we're rushing towards a climax and I have no idea what it'll be! So hold on to your hats, put your tray tables in the upright position, and I'll see you all in six months. (just kidding, I hope) 

Next: Back Door


	10. Back Door

Chapter 10

"No Kitty, it wasn't wise for me to show off and teke her bag over to her. But neither of our identities is really secret anymore, since Cassandra Nova took us all public and all, and I was hoping she would realize that we do have a clue about the whole mutanity angle"

Kitty sighed and rubbed her temples. "I understand, Ray, I just don't know if she was really ready for such a demonstration. Tact was never exactly your strong point…"

Rachel threw up her hands. "All right. I get it. It isn't like she's going to run to those assholes who were beating her up, though." She flipped on the CD player, and a straight up blues riff came on, followed by a masculine voice.

Oh momma, we got trouble coming  
Oh momma look yonder if you can, look yonder if you can  
I see your man a'riding home  
I see he's got a pistol in his hand, got a pistol in his hand

"Ah, I see they did a song for Gambit," laughed the redhead. She didn't know too much about the thief from New Orleans, but getting caught in bed with another man's wife seemed just up his alley. She peered over at Kitty, who was chewing her lower lip as her eyes scanned the horizon. "Pryde? Kitty?"

_Hello McFly!_

"Wha- ouch! Not so loud!" Kitty rubbed her temples for effect. _I'm sorry I spaced out- my mind just wandered a bit. I just got that feeling, you know, the "too quiet" one?_

Rachel spared a longer glance. _I didn't think the song was making you moon over Monsieur Lebeau. And I know the feeling- the quiet times never bode that well for X-men. I think you're just a little too wound up right now, though. There isn't a hostile thought for miles._

_Yeah, I'm probably just being a little silly. The adrenaline from the fight's faded, and it's got me a little jittery._

Oh momma won't you let me out of bed  
I see your man a'coming, gonna shoot me dead, gonna shoot me dead  
And I don't think I'm gonna stay here no more  
If you'll please just show me your back door.

_So, you figure Rogue and Remy will ever stop playing those stupid games and make a choice, yea or nay?_ Rachel sent. _Soap operas make my head hurt._

_I don't know Gambit any better than you, really. As for Rogue, she seems different from the woman who was my teammate. That Rogue was all about Mississippi sass and confidence and having a good time. This "Anna Raven" woman- it's almost like she had something beautiful and lost it. I suppose, that time with Remy in Valle Soleada was exactly that for her. Now she seems fragile, somehow. I mean, she can still give better than she gets, even without the Ms. Marvel power up, but she definitely isn't that tough-as-nails gal she used to be._

Oh momma, now look what you have done  
Oh momma why'd you hand me that gun? Why'd you hand me that gun?  
Oh momma what'd you give me that pistol for?  
Now you're man is lying dead on the floor, your man's dead on the floor

And I don't think I'm gonna stay here no more  
If you'll please just show me your back door.

Rachel half-listened as she ponder the romantic lives of X-men. A flicker of light in the rear-view mirror caught her eye. "Damn! Where the hell'd he come from?"

The unmistakable flash of police car lights was coming up behind them. The cops in question gave a brief blare of his siren as he came up closer. Two rather grim looking deputies, by the looks of it.

Rachel pulled the car over to the side of the road, hit the hazards and threw it into park. _I really don't think I was speeding… you think Scott has a busted tail light or something?_

Kitty frowned, _Scott? You're joking, of course. He does his oil changes at three thousand miles- not a millimeter more. The car's in top condition. And you weren't speeding. I wonder if Emma reported it stolen behind Scott's back?_

_I guess we'll see. I'll try some winsome feminine wiles first, and if that doesn't work, I suppose I can always pull out my badge and get the employee's discount.. Hey, here he comes. _She raked her hands through her hair, trying to arrange it in the most casually fetching look possible. She glanced out the window and smiles brightly, "Yes, officer? Was I doing something wrong?"

"License and registration, ma'am." His voice was cold, matter of fact. Rachel had a vision of the guy watching old Dragnet episodes and trying to mimic Jack Webb. She frowned, then deliberately pulled out her wallet, opening it so that her XSE badge was clearly visible. Kitty had pulled the registration card out of the glovebox, and passed it over. Taking the documents from Rachel, the officer walked back to his car.

_Kitty, stay very, very calm. You're early impression- the "too quiet" one?_

_Yeah? What about it?_

_You were right. Those cops are wearing scramblers. I can't read their minds._

_

* * *

_

"This… may not have been the brightest of ideas." The armored face of Colossus slid into a sheepish grin as he pulled himself from the wreckage. "I had forgotten how fast he is."

As he had those many years ago, Cain Marko's response to being doused with a glass of beer had been as immediate as it was brutal, hurtling the young Russian through the wall into the men's room of the bar.

"Now he has regrets," Kurt Wagner exclaimed as he somersaulted over another blast from his opponent, "Black Tom" Cassidy. The cousin of his former teammate Banshee had not been present for the original fight, but had been a late addition by Piotr to give his furry blue friend his own challenge.

"Stand still, will ye!" the thick Irish brogue barked out. "Half-devil ye may be, but I'll blast ye yet."

"A thousand pardons, _Herr_ Cassidy, but I prefer my tail un-singed," laughed Nightcrawler, bamfing to and fro, "And might I say how lovely it is to see you in your, shall we say, less arboreal form?" Grabbing a fallen pool cue, he teleported behind Black Tom. "And now, we duel! Have at you, base villain!"

"You're plenty strong, kid. I'll give ya that. But you still ain't got what it takes to beat me!"

Colossus realized quickly that despite dramatic increases in both the strength and durability of his armored form, he was still no match for this Cyttorak fueled Juggernaut. Standing there and trading haymakers was a quick way to get himself buried under tons of rubble. Pausing for just a split second, he jumped on his opponent's next punch. His hands shot up, catching the fist and redirecting his energy into one of the judo throws Scott had drilled into him, sending Marko flying through the air.

Picking himself up and casually dusting himself off, the Juggernaut growled, "Never figgered you for that wussy shit, Russkie. Ain't you gonna fight like a real man?"

Cords of organic steel tightened in Peter's neck, then relaxed. Not allowing himself to be goaded into something rash, he spoke quietly, "Sticks and stones, _tovarisch_…"

"…Won't hurt half as much as my fists!" With that, Marko pounded the floor with both hands, producing a shockwave that sent Colossus flying. He charged after his fallen foe, seeking to press his advantage.

On the other side of the bar, Nightcrawler was enjoying himself. The close quarters had negated Black Tom's long-range effectiveness, and while the pool cue was not an ideal weapon, it was enough to leave multiple welts and bruises on the Irishman's face and arms.

Cassidy, by contrast, was rather annoyed. "Cain, ye great big blasted fool," he shouted as his partner's ground strike threw him off balance, "Are ye tryin' t' bring the place down around our heads?"

"For shame, Black Tom! Daring to ignore me like this!" Nightcrawler mocked, striking his enemy's cudgel away with a strike to the thumb knuckle. A succession of bamfs, a right cross, a left jab and an uppercut put the villain down. "I hardly call this a workout, Peter. Banshee should be ashamed to be related to such a glass jaw. Would you care for a hand with your dance partner?"

"_Nyet_!" Colossus said, taking another horrendous roundhouse from Juggernaut. "This is my fight, win or lose!"

"Oh, you're gonna lose, boy!" Marko was grinning as he backhanded Peter through the bar itself, smashing countless bottles and mirrors. "You are definitely gonna lose."

Up in the control room, a solitary figure watched the spectacle with mixed emotions. It was surreal, watching the events of so long ago replayed like this. His head turned at the sound of the door behind him sliding open.

Ororo Munroe, best known as Storm, the leader of the XSE, walked in regally. She glanced down at the simulation, and then stared deeply into the eyes of the real Cain Marko, a bit concerned.. "It isn't about you, you know. Little brother feels he has some ghosts to face. He broke Kitty Pryde's heart that day. Logan was going to take him to task over it, but saw you and used you to beat some sense into him."

"I can't say I like bein' the patsy." Cain said, "And it don't make me feel too good to be reminded that I was one of the bad guys once. Besides, I do miss that bar."

* * *

_Scramblers? Where the hell do Boondocks rent-a-cops get equipment like that?_ Kitty's brow furrowed as she sent the thought. I_ knew property taxes were high in New York, but the sort of budget required for that sort of hardware tends to bring out spades, torches, the whole angry voter mob thing_. 

Rachel nodded. She stopped the CD player and depressed a hidden button on the steering column. The digital display changed, revealing a radio scanner. She tapped a few keys, scanning the radio spectrum for local transmissions. She frowned, then tried more exotic bandwidths. _This is taking too long. I'm going to see what's up._

She opened the door and slid her long legs out. She poked her head out and called back to the sheriff's deputies, "Is there a problem, officers? Can I help in any way?"

"Get back in the car, ma'am." The reply was curt, even angry, but there was a definite element of fear at the edges. The two men were clearly talking to each other softly, their faces tense and impatient.

_I don't like this, not one little bit. If they thought the car was stolen, they would've arrested us by now. I get the feeling our little prom dates from before went screaming home to mommy and daddy bigot. I'm a bit surprised at the speed of the response._

_I agree, Kitty. They're clearly waiting for something, and I'm not sure we want to be here when it arrives._ Rachel's green eyes were slightly unfocused, indicating to her friend that she was searching the immediate area for threa_ts. If there's anyone else out there they're wearing scramblers as well. I've got one more trick I want to try. Hold on… and let me know if our friends back there notice anything._

At first, Kitty felt nothing. Rachel's body seemed to glow with power, and a Phoenix symbol manifested over her left eye. There was a tingling sensation- very slight, and it felt as if the car shook the tiniest bit. "Rache- Rachel? Are you ok?"

"This… isn't the easiest thing…" she spoke, haltingly, her voice rough with the strain, "…I've ever done."

Kitty thought she could see the grass ripple against the gentle breeze. She looked over at her best friend, seeing the beads of sweat forming on her brow, and how tightly her jaw was clenched. She couldn't imagine how much a strain she was under, but decided that they were better off just facing the enemy, and turned to tell Rachel to stop before she pushed herself too far.

Before she could say anything, Rachel let out a scream of pain and slumped in the driver seat. "Rachel!" she cried out, turning to her and quickly checking her pulse and other vital signs. A quick glance back told her that the deputies were no longer waiting. They had climbed out of their vehicle and had pulled their weapons. They were yelling at her to put her hands up and exit the car.

Rachel coughed, twice. Blood was trickling from her nose, and her eyes were wide. "Kitty," she managed, "look out… they have us… surroun-!"

Turning her head around at the warning, she saw groups of armored soldiers moving in, wielding heavy ordinance. Several of the soldiers were pointing shoulder-mounted particle weapons at the Mazda.

* * *

The tremendous force of the blows between the two titans was taking a serious toll on the hard light hologram of the bar. Several load bearing walls had taken hits, and the whole structure was creaking dangerously. Kurt looked around, and while most of the "patrons" had left, he decided to keep in the spirit of things and teleport the remaining civilians out to safety. He even chose to save Black Tom, leaving him trussed up, even if the program did not include authorities to pick him up. 

Inside the rapidly deteriorating structure, Colossus and Juggernaut were locked in fearsome combat. Peter was using all of his training, judo from Scott, some aikido Logan had shown him, even some ninjitsu techniques from Kitty, and was somewhat proud to see that he was, for the most part, holding his own. The blows that connected, however, were wearing him down. For every punch he deflected, another seemed to connect, pounding his body again and again.

With his last reserves, he went on the offensive. He fired off several jabs into the midsection of his opponent, staggering him. A triple punch to the jaw allowed him space enough to grab the mop of red hair and pull it down into a hellacious knee strike. This put the mighty Juggernaut on his back with a boom that echoed all the way up to the control room. Peter grabbed a leg and slammed his foe down into the ground, and then again. Finally, he reached down to grab the ripped shirt of the clearly dazed Cain Marko.

He reared back to throw his strongest punch, but, seeing unfocused eyes and lack of comprehension, released his grip.

"Bad mistake, Russkie," muttered the Juggernaut, "Ya shoulda finished me when you had the chance."

Peter threw the punch with all his remaining might. Marko caught it, and with a slight twist, exposed Peter's jaw. With one uppercut, the fight was over. Peter's giant body flew through the last remnants of support, and the building came down upon the two warriors. Nightcrawler 'ported up to the control booth, narrowly escaping the debris.

"_Vas_? What happened?" He looked around, shocked to see Storm and the real Juggernaut up in the booth with him. "Had I known we had an audience, I would have demonstrated far more savoir faire." He turned to Juggernaut and said, "Um, this wasn't really about you-"

"Don't bother, elf" Cain cut him off, "Storm already explained things to me. I was even starting to root for the kid there. Needs to develop more of a killer instinct."

From behind, a tentative knocking on the door caught their attention. "You ordered us pizza?" Kurt quipped, "How thoughtful of you!"

He strode over to the door and touched the panel, causing it to open. A teenage girl with brown hair was standing there, fidgeting in her Inuyasha t-shirt she was wearing over her training uniform. Her eyes grew slightly wide at the sight of the blue furred mutant before her.

"Yes, _fraulein- _Hailstorm, is it not?"

"Y-Yes, Mr. Wagner. I'm, um, I'm looking for Ms. Munroe for my lesson, " the girl responded in a nervous, southern accent.

Storm's throaty voice laughed, "My apologies, Haley. I've lost track of time. It looks like Mr. Wagner and Mr. Rasputin are just finishing up their own exercise." Glancing at the T-shirt, she added, "And I thought we had already discussed proper attire for training sessions?"

"Sorry, Miss Munroe," Haley said, sheepishly, looking down at the shirt.

At that, there was a rumble from the danger room floor. Amid the clouds of dust a large figure arose from the mound of rubble. The Juggernaut tossed some sections of the ceiling away and walked off.

Storm hit the cancel button, and the scenario ended. Colossus lay prone on the floor, not moving. Haley gave out a concerned gasp, and with a bamf, Kurt was at his friend's side with a medical kit. There was little he could do when Peter was in his armored form, not here, so he prepared himself to teleport the massive form to the medlab.

"No, my friend. I yet live." Peter's face creaked into a wan smile. "Is it me, or is the Danger Room more… dangerous now? I do not remember being hit so hard before, except perhaps by the real Juggernaut."

Kurt let out a sigh of relief, "Scott had told us it was a little tempermental. In any event, I hope you have gotten any hostility out. You will need to be at your best to have a chance at victory! Can you get up?"

"_Da_, just give me a moment." With a flash of energy, sinews of organic steel once again became flesh and blood. Several bruises, invisible in his changeform, were now blossoming over his face and body. He winced, "Ah, just as the original fight. How little has changed."

Kurt noticed that Ororo, Cain, and the girl Haley had made it down to the floor of the Danger Room. He whispered to Peter, "Ixnay on the Uggernaut-jay ight-fay."

Peter blinked at him uncomprehendingly as he struggled to his feet., then noticed the approaching figures. "Ah, Comrade Marko. I do not wish you to misunderstand what I was doing just now. It was not about you…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know! Jeez, kid, I'm not gonna blow my stack and start wrecking the place." Cain smiled, " If you ever do want a rematch, though, I'm fair game. It might be fun to see how far we've both come."

"I will keep that in mind, _tovarisch_."

With that, Peter, Kurt and Cain exited the room, to give Storm and her pupil.the opportunity to practice. They could hear Storm begin her lesson.

"The keys to weather manipulation, Haley, are focus and control. Yes, you have a question?" They couldn't hear the girl's whisper. Ororo spoke again, "Yes, Kurt is a very handsome man. However, now is not the time to think of it- it bespeaks a lack of focus. First, I would like you to start with a stiff breeze…"

The door shut, and a grinning Nightcrawler led his friend to the nearest healer to have his bruises attended to.

* * *

"Mutants! Exit the car with your hands where we can see them! You have five seconds to comply!" The police car's loudspeaker blared the warning, and the troops around them all aimed their weapons. 

"Rachel…?" Rachel! Kitty saw her friend was still dazed from whatever telekinetic stunt she had pulled. It didn't leave them much time, and fewer options. She wondered how they had identified them, and so quickly too.

She tugged on the door handle and prepared to get out. She called out, "My friend is injured- she needs a moment or two."

An armored man stepped forward, brandishing a pulse rifle and a megaphone. "She has one minute, or we vaporize you both."

"What have we done wrong?" Kitty challenged him. "We're just out for a ride. We haven't committed any crimes. We weren't even speeding!"

"You were born!" the man spat into his megaphone. "But if you want to play it all legal, there was the assault on five minors half an hour ago at the edge of Johnson's Woods. We also have suspicious of a mutant based attack on one Gerald Rickman of the Gas & Stop off Narrows Road." Seeing Kitty's confusion, he continued, "Yeah, when I came in for my coffee, poor Gerald told me all about how he got sick after you two stopped in. He'd called in to 'Our Modern Crusade', and they told him that you muties can make a man puke his guts out just by thinking about it. After talking to my daughter, we also stopped by one Katie Trela's, who confirmed our suspicions that you were mutants."

Kitty tensed… the guy was monologuing like a B-list villain, but there was something else. She put her hand on the car and glanced in to see Rachel stirring behind the wheel. A few more seconds, that's all they needed. Even these racist jerks wouldn't fire on a federal badge, would they?

The man continued, in an off hand manner, "Oh, and your minute is up. OPEN FIRE!"

Twelve blazing streams of focused plasma converged on Scott's car. Pulse rifle fire came in sustained bursts. Two shock grenades were tossed in, kicking up an explosion of dirt.

"CEASE FIRE! Squad B, switch to infrared and move in to see if they're still alive somehow. Squad A, cover them. Go!"

They moved in teams, cautiously approaching the car, weapons at the ready. Peering through the settling dirt cloud, they were shocked to see a slight brunette girl holding onto a completely unscathed car. She didn't look happy. Inside the car, the red headed girl looked even more upset.

Rachel Grey had recovered from her stunt, and she was angry. They had attacked her. They'd attacked her best friend. They'd tried to ruin the finish on her father's car. Power flowed through her body. She casually opened the car door and stepped out. Contemptuously, she picked up the soldiers that had surrounded the car and slammed them together. Weaponry flung through the air into a giant ball above her head.

"How dare you!" she screamed, "You've attacked a Federal Agent! That's a crime, and I'm just the one to take you in. Those scramblers sure are pretty- making you immune to telepathy. Well they don't do jack against telekinesis!" Several dozen scramblers ripped off the soldiers' ears and joined the expanding globe. "And such shiny armor shouldn't be wasted on morons like you- let's see if I can't turn it to better use!"

Marvel Girl, intoxicated with pure telekinetic fury, flicked armor off piece by piece. Simultaneously, she pulled in the remaining soldiers into a growing heap of humanity.

Rachel! Kitty called out to her along the telepathic link. Rachel stop! You've made your point!

Rachel frowned, then nodded, a wicked smile on her face. Almost. I just have one more thing to do.

The ball of equipment spun around and compressed. It glowed brightly, seemingly catching on fire. It then exploded slowly, splitting off into dozens of pieces. Each segment flew to one of the soldiers or deputies, forming a set of handcuffs and leg shackles.

"We'll give the FBI down in the city a call to come pick you jerks up. I'm sure we'll see you all in court!" She smiled winsomely, "Shall we go, Kitty?"


	11. FMera

Chapter 11

"FMera"- an interlude

"Greetings and salutations! You have reached the Xav-"

"Hey Hank. How are you?"

"Katherine? To what do I owe the indescribable honor and unexpected pleasure to be graced with your melodious voice?"

"Gee, Beast, you really know how to make a girl feel special."

"I know a large Russian gentleman who could use some pointers!"

"Hush Rachel! Anyway, Hank, we need some help. We were ambushed by some armored troops about an hour north of Salem Center. I'm transmitting the coordinates now…"

"This is most unwelcome and yet not entirely unexpected news. From the air of nonchalance you are presenting, may I safely presume that you and your fiery companion extricated yourselves without deleterious effects?"

"We're not hurt, no. Ray has a blinding headache that she's so generously choosing to share with me, but otherwise the lumps were all theirs. Fewer than they deserved at that. Anyway, Ray left them all trussed up in their own armaments, so if you could send in the Feds for a pickup…"

"Katherine, I would be remiss if I did not remind you that current operating procedure mandates that the arresting officer remain on the scene until such time as reinforcements arrive-"

"Yeah, well, I'm not an officer and Ray is seriously off duty. Call it 'requiring medical attention' if you like. In any event, if these jokers have backup, it's liable to come in the form of a disintegration cannon or mini-nuke, and I don't think either of us are up to that. We wouldn't want to scuff up our headmaster's car, now, would we?"

"_Was_? _Kätzchen_, is that you?"

"Kurt? Is that you? What is this, fuzzy and blue day at the Comm. Station?"

"Apparently. Now what was that about a mini-nuke? _Herr Doktor's_ notes here are scarecely legible."

"A prerequisite, I fear, to attain the degree that permits the utilization of the appellation 'Doctor of Biophysics'."

"If Hank would every so kindly allow me to explain for a sec…"

"My apologies, Katherine."

"Anyway, Rachel and I were stopped by a sheriff's deputy north of Westchester. Apparently, they'd been tipped off by a couple incidents we'd had and had called in some heavy reinforcements. We'd been in a scuffle with a bunch of teenage bigots-in-training who were pounding on some poor pro-mutant kid. Now that I think about it, it just doesn't make sense. We didn't use our powers in the fight, and if we had, they wouldn't have had time to mobilize that much firepower."

"What are you thinking, _Kätzchen_?"

"We used our powers a couple times- a telepathic conversation, some light telekinesis and I phased some cheese-poof dust off my hand. If these Purity soldiers have access to a fairly powerful mutant detection equipment to nail us coming out of the Institute… coupled with enough heavy weaponry to keep a medium sized country in line. I mean, God help us if they've gotten hold of Sentinels…"

"Stay where you are, Katya. Kurt and I will be there soon in the Blackbird. We will escort you home."

"Whoa there, big guy! Ray and I are all grown up now- we can handle any bad guys that come our way. Seriously, Piotr, we appreciate your concern. If we get into any trouble, Rachel can easily call you telepathically, or we can hit our emergency transponders, and then you can ride in on your white horses."

"I can't say I don't echo Peter's concern, Kitty, but we'll play this your way."

"Thank you ever so much, fuzzy elf… Kitty out."

"_Kätzchen_! Wait!"

"What? What's the matter?"

"Before you hang up- we were thinking of going out tonight, having a grand old time. Would you and _Fraulein_ Grey be interested in joining us?"

"And who might 'we' be?"

"Peter and myself, for starters. Perhaps others."

"I-, er, we'll get back to you on that, ok? Kitty out."

That was interesting. sent Rachel. Definitely opens up possibilities for the evening.

Kitty stared ahead and listened to the CD, which was playing an untitled track called "Fmera", leading into a song that already had her stomach in knots.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Thank you again to those who have been patient about this. I don't like to think of myself as being greedy for reviews, but I do really appreciate the feedback and would like more. This chapter takes advantage of a mini-track on the Cats Laughing album- the intro to a song is in fact, a separate song, and allowed the opportunity for this interlude. I decided to play with the concept of a dialogue only chapter, to advance the plot, since, in most respects, the climax will be next and I've got a lot of ground to cover. I hope you like it!  



	12. Signal to Noise

Chapter 12

"Signal to Noise"

"Peter, _mein freund_, you need to relax. They will be all right. You know this," said Kurt in his most reassuring tone. His large friend had been pacing back and forth since Kitty's call, encased in his armored form. There was a nervous energy about him, bespeaking a strong desire for action. He lay a three-fingered hand on Piotr's shoulder, and gestured with his other, "Now, please, get out of your changeform. You are frightening the children."

The students of Xavier's were nervously milling in the hallway, casting wary glances at the hulking figure. Colossus was staring into the distance, his fists clenched tight. For a moment, he just stood there, brow furrowed, face twisted into a scowl. Then, with agonizing slowness, his eyes closed and, with a distinctive flash, organic steel was replaced by flesh and bone. With an almost audible sigh of relief, the tension in the hall noticeably diminished.

"_Da_, you are right. It does little to quiet the mind, to know that such men are still out there. I would prefer to be there with Katya."

"Careful Peter, people might think you still care," laughed Kurt.

The Russian's shoulder's sagged, "It is not a very good joke, friend Kurt. You know that I care for her. Very deeply." He walked over to a window and gazed out at a small hill in the distance.

"My apologies. I did not mean to hurt you." He frowned, hesitant. With a faint shrug, he continued, "But in that vein, I worry that you are hurting yourself. And our _Kätzchen_ as well."

Peter's face fell, "It seems that even in my best efforts I cannot help but hurt those I love." He paused, struggling with some untold weight. "You saw earlier a picture of my greatest shame, the first time I betrayed and hurt Katya. My second was the night I nearly murdered that Wisdom person, and broke her heart yet again. Even more than my betrayal of all of you to join Magneto. I have talked with Dr. Campbell, and I realize that the brain damage I had suffered and my grief led me to that point, but he could not help me understand why I continue to hurt this woman I purport to care so much about. Am I just some selfish ass who thinks only of his own needs..."

"Peter, I did not say..."

"Please, _tovarisch_, let me speak. I seldom try to put things into words. I do not know if I have any to express my sorrow. But during my confinement by Ord, I had much time to think. I remember how I came to Muir Island that night. It was... perhaps two weeks after the battle against Sarah's Gene Nation. It had felt good- very good- to fight alongside my comrades again, but I knew I had no place with them. Not then, no matter what Ororo had said."

His face was tense with the recollections, "I first tried to reconnect with my art, but had not been able to pick up a brush. So I spent what funds I had to go to Paris, to go to museums. I found no solace in the works there, not even among the great masters in the Louvre. I considered returning to my homeland. I have a few remaining relatives there." A bitter twist had joined his already somber tone. He was a man for whom family had always been paramount, and had suffered much. His parents had been brutally murdered by his government. The brother he had idolized, thought lost to an explosion, then found again, but totally mad, and then lost once more.. And then the tragic death of his younger sister to the very disease he'd later given his life to cure.

* * *

Drinking coffee,  
Have to stay awake and think of you.  
Aching awfully,  
Knowing my perceptions aren't true.  
If you were what I've made you,  
Not as your acts betrayed you  
How could I keep away?  
But things still lead me on,  
A word, and then it's gone.  
What lives here, and what's stray?  
Tell me please, what's signal and what's noise? 

Kitty's mind was focused on a single image. Sitting on a hill, hugging her knees, as the man with whom she had planned to spend the rest of her life tore out her heart and shattered her dreams. The memory stood out among a montage of her history with one Piotr Nikolaievitch Rasputin. Rachel saw this much clearly- it was a lodestone around her friend's neck, standing in the way of her personal growth. Coupled with the bitterness of her parents' divorce, it went a long way towards explaining the lack of success in her love life.

Rachel wasn't even sure how to begin. Kitty was singing along to the CD, a throaty sound tinged heavily with sorrow. The few tentative psi touches she'd made hadn't been rebuffed so much as lost in the background. It seemed well nigh impossible to even get a thought in, but this wasn't a moment that would easily come again.

_So, um, Peter..._ Rachel pushed past the mnemonic cobwebs to ensure that she was being received.

_What about him?_ Kitty's thoughts were harsh, defensive. Rachel could feel the psi-shields learned from the Professor about to snap into place, but then, sensing her friend's shock at such a brusque reply, Kitty added in a more conciliatory manner, _ I'm sorry, Ray. I just don't know what there is to say about him anymore. I don't even know what to think about him...__  
_  
_Why don't you tell me what you know, and maybe we can figure out where we go from there?_

Kitty sniffled a bit. _What's there to know? He dumped me for the memory of some dead alien that he couldn't even communicate with. Oh, he still cared, but he just didn't love me anymore. So we both got hurt, and then we both almost died in that massacre down in the tunnels. We spent months recuperating on Muir- starting talking again, connecting. But then he goes off wandering and ends up in Dallas just in time to die with the rest of the X-men. But, of course, thanks to Roma, that weren't really dead, or they were back pretty damn quick in any event. They just went to Australia to play covert vigilante strike force. Never letting us know that they were alive. Then the big lug ends up reborn as "Peter Nicholas", famous Soho painter, and hooks up with Callisto of all people. At least he was at peace- God, I envy him that- until Shadow King pulled him back in. Then he got hurt in the fight with the X-Cutioner, then Illyana... got sick. And then she..._

The young woman stopped to wipe away the free flowing tears. Rachel stifled an irrational surge of jealousy at the mention of Kitty's "other" best friend, as her companion continued her thought. _I still wonder that... if we'd put her in the Shi'ar device- kept her alive until the cure was found..._

_

* * *

_

"I was not ready to go to Russia. There are too many ghosts there. It occurred to me that while I had not been receptive at the time, those of you in Excalibur had helped me- healed me, up at Muir. I came to think that perhaps you would welcome me again, allow me to take time. To think about what I should do. And so one morning I headed off for Scotland."

"On foot?"

"_Da_. It was another poor decision, I know."

"Peter, that must have taken weeks!" Kurt exclaimed. To walk from Paris to Muir, an island off the northwest coast of Scotland, was a truly incredible feat, even factoring in the Russian's prodigious stamina.

"Not so long, _tovarisch_, as I walked straight through. Perhaps a little over eight days. I cannot be entirely sure. It was, I confess, not the most pleasant way to cross the English Channel. I am happy to report that the Institute's duffel bags are quite waterproof."

Nightcrawler did some quick calculations in his head. He stared at Colossus with wide yellow eyes. "Even still, that's well over seven hundred miles. Over a week of walking- without sleep? I know that you do not seem to tire in your armored form, but still... your brain still requires rest."

With a deep sigh, Piotr nodded gravely. "There is more, I fear. When I set out for Muir, I believe it was with the best of intentions- to see my friends again and hopefully find a place where I could try to put my life back together. I remembered our time as patients there after the events in the Morlock tunnels fondly." He paused, with a crooked smile crossing his face, "Perhaps 'fondly' is too strong a word. Dr. MacTaggart was a stern taskmistress, and Callisto also. Some of their rehabilitation exercises left me longing for early Danger Room training. And certainly there was nothing good about the circumstances that brought us there. But I had been there with you, and Katya. Not that you remember, of course, since you were still in a coma when I returned to the X-men."

"Returned to die, as I recall," the blue furred German said, his fangs clenched. "The first thing I hear upon awakening is that you- and Ororo, and Logan and the rest, had perished on live television. Kitty was devastated."

"It was hard for us, too. It was Ororo's thought to protect our loved ones by feigning our deaths, to better strike at our enemies, to avenge those who had died and stop future massacres."

Kurt shook his head sadly, "So many months wasted. So much tragedy in the Inferno that resulted from that simple decision. It was not, I fear, one of our wind rider's best."

Piotr's eyes were downcast, "_Nyet_, if we had stayed in touch, perhaps I could have aided my Illyana Nikolievna in her time of need..."

"Bygones, Peter. There is nothing to be done for it now," came Kurt's grave reply, clearly seeking to avoid playing "what if?" "You were saying how you'd felt welcome at Muir, and were walking."

"Yes. It had been my thinking that Muir might welcome me again. As mile after mile passed, I began to wonder if I had not made yet another error in judgement. Logan had called me traitor, turncoat; and so I had been. What if you and Rachel and Dr. MacTaggart- and Katya- felt the same? I considered turning back, somewhere around Manchester, but I did not know where else to go. I tried to remember the day my head injury was healed, for some hint as to what I might expect upon arriving. As you may expect, some of my memories of that day were somewhat hazy. I remembered petitioning Exodus to go and retrieve Katya, believing her story. There was anger when I realized she had deceived me. Then I woke up and she was saying it would be all right. I remember her holding me as I wept. There was a commotion- I realized that you were fighting my fellow Acolytes over me. I had given my word, and I would not have people get injured over me. And so I chose to return to Avalon, of my own free will."

Kurt stroked his chin, "But first... before you left, Kitty kissed you."

"_Da_," the large man nodded, the beginning of a blush creeping across his cheeks. "It was... a very memorable kiss. Like the ones from when we were younger, but more adult. I thought about that kiss when I was back on Avalon, full of regret for what would never be."

* * *

Interference  
Or is that the broadcast that I've got?  
Your appearance  
Renders me incapable of thought 

Here's your voice on the phone.  
Your sweet and sullen tone,  
What am I to believe?  
Did you blow me a kiss  
Or was that just tape hiss?   
When I hang up, will you grieve?  
Have pity, now, what's signal and what's noise

_So, after Illyana passed away- God, what a meaningless phrase that is. Passed away? T_aken_ away is more like it. Stolen away. Murdered by a sick, twisted disease engineered from the madness of a clone of your time displaced half-brother Cable. _ Incongruously, she laughed, but it was hollow, sardonic. _Does that mean he's your step-clone? But anyway, after she died, Peter was inconsolable. He burned all his paintings- his life's work- except for a scant few I was able to save. He and I had spent the entire night after she'd died together by the pool, comforting each other. Or so I thought then. He was stuck in his armored form, it wasn't like he could cry or anything, and I know my eyes weren't too clear. Now I wonder, since he wasn't allowing himself to feel anything, if maybe he thought he was being there for me, out of some vague sense of obligation. For whatever reason, this tragedy reminded me how important both he and 'Yana were to me, and it made his betrayal- going over to Magneto- that much worse. _

_I can imagine,_ sent Rachel, _You both needed to be there for one another right then, and he was too damn self-absorbed to see it. Yes, I know he was suffering from brain damage, but still... You were so sad when you returned to Excalibur. I tried my best to be there for you, we all did, but I know how much you were still hurting. Still, the look on the Professor's face when you snapped at him was priceless. _

_Well, he did have it coming!_ The corners of her mouth drifted upwards slightly at the memory, _He had just asked me to trick a man who still meant a great deal to me, and whose sister I was still mourning. I have to admit that his plan did work- up to a point. We managed to heal his wound, I could be there as he released all that grief he'd had to keep bottled in. I thought- well, part of me did- that things might finally be OK. But I can't honestly say that I was surprised that he chose to honor his promise to Exodus and return to Avalon._

"Mmmmmmmm," Rachel spoke aloud, gleaning a measure of insight from the recollection of one tender, goodbye kiss. _You may not have been surprised, but that didn't stop you from giving him a taste of what he'd be missing if he left, did it?_

To her shame, Kitty felt her cheeks turn hot. _Maybe a little... you don't think that he was obsessing over that the whole time he was up there, do you? I mean, it's really rather flattering and all, but it was just one kiss. It would certainly explain why he was a borderline psychotic when he arrived at Muir..._

_That would've been downright creepy!_ Rachel projected, _But I was talking to Storm once- she was talking about some of the regrets she carried with her, and she was talking about some fight against Gene Nation, when she had to pull out Marrow's heart-_

_Now there's one death where I wouldn't have cried had it stuck_ joked Kitty.

_Yeah, well, she'd said something about Petey kissing Callisto at the end of that caper. So I don't know how obsessed the big lug was at that point. What happened between there and Muir- how he even got to Muir- well, your guess is as good as mine. _

_Y'know Ray, that's always kinda bothered me as well. When we got in touch with the Institute after the - incident - with Pete, they seemed even more surprised than we were. I was so mad at him at the time I didn't realize they'd just fought alongside him, and he'd been just fine. I was still angry several days later when he'd tried to talk about things... I wasn't in any mood for excuses until Pete was fine again. I wonder now what he was trying to tell me, what possibly could have happened to him._

_I could always sneak in and rummage around a bit._ Rachel's thoughts were arched, with a mischievous glint, _When I was first learning to use my telepathy, I was encouraged to use Uncle Petey as a guinea pig. He didn't have as many layers of subtext to everything that the rest of you did. It wasn't that he was stupid- you know that- it was just that his thoughts weren't as complicated with self rationalizations and other secrets that we hide from ourselves. There were some rather naughty thoughts about you- Aunt Kate, that is- but the Professor would have me steer clear when I came across those. Not that I didn't pick up a pointer or two..._

Kitty was blushing furiously. She'd always felt a bit uncomfortable about that aspect of Rachel's life. Her best friend had grown up in an alternate timeline. It was one where Peter had never been abducted by the Beyonder and fallen for some alien, one where the two of them had stayed together- gotten married, had children. One where he'd never broken her heart. Part of her- a tiny, childish part- envied that other self, and she had long outgrown such pettiness. Kate Pryde- the one from Rachel's world- lived in a nightmare that she couldn't possibly fathom, one that could only be compared to the horrors her people had suffered in the Holocaust. And had Peter stayed faithful, she would never have trained under Logan, never have met Alishdair Kinross or Pete Wisdom. And she knew she was a better person for that. A little rougher, a little nastier, a little dirtier, certainly, but what had once been naive pluck and _chutzpah_ had been tempered into steely resolve and will.

She did, however, make a mental note to have Peter work on his mental defenses. Just in case they did end up together despite the odds, and in case an enterprising young telepath wanted to practice.

_I heard that!_ Rachel sent, _It seems that you haven't been able to entirely dismiss reconciliation, at least as a possibility._

_You can hardly blame me!_ Kitty's thought were defensive. _There are forces way beyond my control here. Every time I thought I'd moved on, he would come exploding back into my life. I mean, I no sooner return from Japan where I'd gone to get away from him, and then Arcade kidnaps the two of us for one of his stupid games. Just us. I don't know if he knew about the breakup or not- he's just the sort to get his jollies pairing up two former lovers like that. All I know is that I wanted to kill that evil little prick._

The young brunette's mind seethed with uncharacteristic anger. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. _I did get a bit of guilty pleasure out of it, making a fool out of the big guy. And it was nice to have him demonstrate that he still cared._

_

* * *

_

"So, this kiss... it resonated in you? Is that why-?" Kurt struggled to find the right words. "I do not mean to bring up a painful memory..."

"Too many of my memories are so. It made for difficult days when I was imprisoned." Peter paused, to gather his thoughts, "I do suppose I thought more and more of that kiss as I walked through Northern England and into Scotland. At first, I told myself that it was just a simple kiss goodbye. We had been friends a long time, despite my past poor treatment of her. She flew in from England to care for poor Illyana without hesitation, to be there for her when my duties as an X-men kept calling me away. I do not believe I ever truly thanked her, so overwhelmed as I was with grief and anger. After such behavior, it did not make sense for one kiss to mean more than that. I would try to put it out of my head. As I walked, memories would come unbidden, and seemed to take on new meaning. I remembered how Katya and I were married in Rachel's future. I remember her stealing glances from time to time, such as when my costume was destroyed by Arcade. I tried to convince myself that it was so long ago, that she was still young."

Kurt hesitated to speak, not wanting to stop the momentum of his normally laconic friend.

The large man continued, "I began to think of all the times she would save me. Ha! The beautiful princess rescuing the knight in armor. She offered to marry Caliban to save me after my encounter with the Brotherhood. She rescued me when I was underground against Nimrod and the Hellfire Club. She even tried to save me from my folly, protecting a painting of Illyana that I would dearly have missed. And even in carrying out _Gospodin_ Xavier's ploy to draw me down to the island to heal my injury, certainly once again she was trying to save me. This tiny girl- this remarkable young woman- had been my own guardian angel for a long time, and I, for the most part, had been less than grateful. I began to wonder how she could continue to be so good to me. Could it be that she, somehow, miraculously, somehow still loved me? For many, many miles, I would scarcely allow myself to even consider it. She was a friend, nothing more. But what if, I asked myself, she still desired what we had together?"

Kurt grabbed hold of both of his friend's arms, "_Mein Gott!_ It was all a fraud! Ord has clearly given us a decoy! Sinister must have created a clone! Piotr Nikolaevitch Rasputin has not spoken so much in his entire life!"

With that, he laughed, "I do not mean to interrupt you, but you were getting quite tense there."

"Just a little," agreed Piotr with a nod. "As I recount those days, it is easy to see where I went wrong. _da_? The longer I walked, the more I convinced myself that Katya had been waiting, would still be waiting for me. I began to think my sins of the past, casting aside my love for her for the memory of poor, doomed Zsaji, had been somehow wiped away, and that somehow the loss of my family could be balanced by starting a new family with her. I would daydream how we would be reunited. She would be on that one outcropping, facing south where you can see the mainland. I would sneak up behind her-"

"Sneak up on Kitty? You? Even you must have realized how utterly and completely unrealistic that was. I would think that would have reminded you it was all a fantasy..."

Piotr smiled, "I know now. At the time- not so much. Logan certainly has taught her well. But then, in this waking dream, it was much more... romantic. It was, as you say, a fantasy, after all. So to continue, I would approach her from behind and ask her why she was so sad, and she would turn around, and run to me and embrace me, and ask me if I was real, and I would say that I was, that I had returned and that we had shed enough tears, and I would ensure that there was no more need."

Kurt groaned audibly, "Ever the romantic, Peter? Remind me to give you a lesson or three on how to properly woo a woman. It generally requires a dish with significantly less cheese."

"You are perhaps offering a course? I do not remember such an entry in the curriculum, when I was a student. It might have made my life easier."

"It's advanced study, I admit, but I would happily grant you an exemption to correct such egregious behavior."

Piotr laughed, "_Spaceeba_, my friend. Perhaps I may have need in the future for such learning. It certainly would have added some better dialogue to my daydreams, if not in real life. It seems odd to think on it now, how I created so many of these vignettes during that journey, each more ridiculous than the last. At the first, she and I would just resume our friendship, and later start with one romantic date, leading to more, and then eventually... well, you can gather the rest. But that took too long, since she clearly had been waiting for me for so many months. It ended up that I would just drop to one knee and propose right there on the bluff."

The image of Piotr, on bended knee, still dripping wet from walking from the Scottish mainland, overtook Nightcrawler, "_Mein Gott_, Peter, I think I am finally beginning to understand your actions that night. By the time you reached us, your sleep-deprived mind had probably already passed beyond the proposal. You may have even been suffering the delusion that you were already wed- that she would accept must have become a mere formality. "

Peter could only nod, sadly, his giant frame deflated with a nearly visible aura of shame.

Kurt's yellow eyes were aglow with comprehension, "So, when you saw Kitty kissing Wisdom, what had been a certainty for several days in your head suddenly came crashing down all around you. You were hysterical, and you took it out on _Herr_ Wisdom. It also serves to explain your nearly incoherent speech, and your clumsy movements. Your body may not fatigue, but your mind certainly did. That probably saved his life."

"It does not excuse my actions, _tovarisch_. I nearly killed a man out of my own stupidity- in a jealous fit over a woman who I had no claim to, save the remnants of friendship," the Russian said, "Had I but rested one night in Stornoway, I may have come to my senses, been able to see her as she was- a friend, not a lover or wife. I could have avoided all that guilt that plagues me to this day."

"Again, Peter, you cannot allow these memories to define your relationship with Kitty. What is it that those financial commercials say?- 'Past performances does not guarantee future results." That was then; surely now is something different."

Piotr did not appear to be listening. "Perhaps, if things had been right between us, I could have been a better friend to Katya back then. I might have been able to provide comfort and advice about breaking the news of the incident during her time at SHIELD to Wisdom, so that she could learn from my mistakes. It grieved me to see her hurt so. And I was in sore need of her counsel when dear Meggan developed that unfortunate 'crush' on me before Brian returned."

"You need to let those memories go, _mein freund_, Kurt said, laying a gentle hand on the larger man's shoulder, "Perhaps it is an advantage of my faith, but it is a concept that you must learn- to forgive yourself. Even the vaunted strength of Colossus cannot bear the weight of self-recrimination forever."

* * *

Here's your photo,  
I found it cleaning out my bottom drawer.   
When you wrote, oh,  
I couldn't keep from wondering what for. 

Through the gray, through the grain,  
A picture taken in the rain,   
That doesn't show your face.  
Connected dots don't make a line,  
You confuse me every time.   
Confusion has its place.

_But just this once, what's signal and what's noise?_

_So, all of this stuff with Peter went down after I left. What was he like when he joined up with Excalibur?_

Kitty frowned a bit, collecting her thoughts in a dazzle of images. _You know, that's a good question. At first I didn't want to have anything to do with him after what he'd done. I would be polite and all, talk to him- he was my teammate again and he'd been through a lot. It was much later when I realized that after I had told him that Pete was really good to me, that he had accepted it without question. We never really spent that much time together, and when we did, it was just the same old X-men banter. I was a little suspicious, but also very worried, because he'd taken to brooding a lot, which was so unlike him. Before, he'd either go to paint or do some menial labor or just go vent some aggression by smashing stuff. Pete said he was just being Russian, but he didn't know Piotr like I did. It wasn't normal at all. I knew he was hurting, I knew he had all this pain to work through. And I also knew that while I was being young and in love, all of the sudden other members of Excalibur- Rahne, Rory, Meggan- had grown closer to him than I was. Piotr and I were still friends- I'd become more assured of that the longer he went without breaking Pete in half- but not close ones. Pete certainly was jealous that Piotr and I shared this former intimacy, and I was at least a little jealous of that my teammates were closer to Piotr than I was._

_Did that have anything to do with your breakup?_ Rachel queried. _You mentioned before that you felt Wisdom was being controlling. Were you blaming him for the diminished state of your friendship with Colossus?_

_No._ thought Kitty, decisively. But the assurance wavered, and she continued, _Or, if I did, I would've been wrong to think that way. I was with Pete by my own choice. He never made me do anything. And the moment he did- trying to keep me away from S.H.I.E.L.D.- was the beginning of the end of us._

_Yeah, I can totally see that._ Rachel sat listening to the music for a while, staring ahead, wondering if Kitty would continue or if she would need to be prodded more. Deciding to return to the main topic for this discussion, she sent a thought, _It still doesn't make any sense to me. For Peter to come all that way for you, apparently completely obsessed to the point of nearly killing a man he never met, and then just to give it up like that? Are you sure he wasn't just playing the "best friend" card, to stay in your confidence and just be a contrast to Wisdom?_

Kitty chewed thoughtfully on her bottom lip, lost in memories of that period. _Not that I can recall. As I said, he spent a lot of his time alone or with the other members of Excalibur. And if he became more and more of "Petey Pureheart", well, you know, that's just how he was._

_Was he possessed by the Shadow King again?_

_No, that was after the so called Psi War. Shadow King was imprisoned by Psylocke at that point._

_War Skrull?_

_Will you be serious?_

_Sorry, Kate, I got nothing!_ Rachel projected mild exasperation, _If it really matters, you could, you know, **ask** him._

Kitty fell silent, but a feeling of hesitancy and an image of Peter's face flickered across her mind. _Yeah, that'll happen. "Gee, Peter, remember that time on Muir when I hated your guts for a week or so? And how I told you that I didn't give a damn why you did what you did or what the hell you were thinking, and that we just had to try to ignore it and move on for the sake of the team? Well, I was wondering, you know, why did you do it, and what were you thinking?" I can't reopen those wounds, Ray. I don't think it's a good place to put him in right now, and I'm not sure it would be a good place for me, either. I know he needs me, and I guess, for the moment, I should just be happy with that._

_Dammit, Kitty, you aren't happy! Not by a long shot. When I came back from the Savage Land and saw you two together in our room, yeah, I was mad, I admit it. Partly because of my mom, but also because you looked so cozy together. I really thought that you two were already a couple again, and I thought the idea sucked. It was too soon, and I wasn't ready to give you up just yet. But that was ages ago. And if anything, you seem more confused, and much, much less happy. You got pulled back into this life. You're once again fighting for a dream that you isn't yours, not really, not anymore. And now you are allowing yourself to be jerked around by Peter, and you are so better than that. Last I checked, you were Shadow**cat**, not Shadowpuppy._ Rachel was fuming, her frustration saturating her thoughts. _Girlfriend, you can't let that man take advantage of you like this. Or let him take you for granted at all._

_Please don't pull an Oprah on a girl from Dearborn, Rachel. It won't play._ Kitty replied, _Still, I can't deny that you may have a point._

_Just one?_

_All right, all right, I concede that you have put quite a bit of thought into this. More than I have, apparently._

Taking her eyes off the road a moment to glance at her friend, Rachel's face took on a quizzical look. _Kitty, you're one of the brightest people I've ever met. How could you not have thought this through?_

_I've been a little busy, OK? Teaching, giving snot-nosed children detention, saving the world, finding dead ex-boyfriend's alive in basements, you know how it is._

_Yeah, or maybe you're afraid of what the answers to your questions might be._

Looking out at the passing scenery, Kitty sent, _You know what scares me the most?_

_Please. I'm a telepath. You're practically screaming it at me. But I think you need to at least think it consciously- to make sure that you've admitted it to yourself._

Kitty's eyes grew wide. The thought she tried to keep scattered and indistinct to avoid facing it suddenly coalesced into crystal clarity. _I'm scared that I do love him and that he still loves me, but it isn't enough, that we just both end up hurting each other again. I don't want to end up like my mom and dad. I can't, Ray. I don't know if I could survive that._

Rachel could only nod sadly. She knew Kitty was strong enough, but could easily see why it would not be worth the risk for her. Heaven knew there were events she would move time and space rather than reliving. _I can't tell you what to do, Kit. I'm sorry, but you're on your own here. But I do know you're the strongest person I know when in a crisis, and I've never known you to go wrong when you've followed your heart…_

_Clearly, you don't remember the whole Seth thing very well. Gah, that was so incredibly shallow of me. Sure he had a great mind, was incredibly handsome, and could shake it on the dance floor like nobody's business, but he was also an evil supremacist who nearly killed all my friends. _She paused a moment, a blush returning to her cheeks, _Then again, that may not have been my heart leading me astray there…_

_Nevertheless, Kitty, you are going to have to make a decision. Quite frankly, I'm too good a friend to let you tear yourself apart like this, and my Summers blood will not allow you to be a liability to the team because your head isn't in the game. You don't necessarily need to make it now, and by all means, if you want to involve Peter do so, but you need to figure out just what the bloody hell is going on there between you, and you need to do it soon._

With a start, Kitty glanced around and realized that they were in familiar Westchester surroundings. They were a few minutes away from home, maybe time for one last song. She was shaken, and felt that old familiar dread in the pit of her stomach. She knew Rachel was right- she was tearing herself up over it, and before Dr. McCoy started prescribing ulcer medication, she needed to do something about it, once and for all. To go visit the road once traveled, or to abandon it forever.

"OK, Ray," she spoke aloud, "You're right. I've made up my mind."

* * *

"The weight, it is not so heavy a burden, my friend," Piotr spoke. "If I never forget how much I hurt Katya in the past, then it protects her from being hurt again in the future. I will not do that again. I cannot." 

Nightcrawler mumbled a small prayer to St. Jude for intercession on his friend's behalf. "Love," he began, "is never without hurt, because life is not without hurt. Pain is a risk any time we open ourselves up to one another. But you cannot just close off your heart to us all and never let us in. You are one of the kindest men I know, you have so much to give, I implore you not to lock it away, only to be expressed through your art. You have to be strong enough to let yourself live again. To love again. Please, Peter, promise me you'll try, at the very least, to talk to Kitty about your feelings."

"I do not wish to burden-"

Kurt cut him off, "Peter, stop making excuses. It really doesn't become you. I'm asking you, for all our sakes, to just make an effort to talk to her, can you please do that?"

"But-"

"Peter. Please. Just talk to her."

The large Russian could no longer meet his friend's gaze, and his eyes focused on an non-confrontational speck of dust on the floor in the hall. "_Da, _I will try."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Been a long time. Most of this was done, but unassembled. Heck, it's pretty bad when there have been two issues of Astonishing since your last update. 

Thanks to all my reviewers, and a special thanks to Amokitty for all she's done to give Kiotr 'shippers a place to call home (ask her about her site! Or the lj community maintained by her and anhayla!), but also to everyone who has entertained and inspired me. I apologize for my tardiness.

One more song, and two more chapters to go.


	13. More Thumbscrews

Chapter 13

"More Thumbscrews"

"So, are you going to share this monumental, life-altering decision with your best friend, or just leave the audience in suspense?" Rachel asked, her voice thick with barely restrained curiosity.

"I," Kitty paused, and licked her lips, "I'm going to ask him. Talk to him about it." Her voice carried the weight of absolute conviction, until it suddenly dropped a bit as she added, "Eventually."

"Kitty!" complained her fiery haired companion, exasperated. "How can you do that to me? Give me hope that you are finally ready to deal with that steel albatross around your neck, and then pull out an 'eventually'? What are you pulling here?"

"Hey, give me a moment to explain. You're the one who was worried that I would allow him to jerk me around. If I were to talk to him today- right now- it wouldn't be as equals. This whole car ride has crystallized the idea that he's still very important to me- possibly, and I don't want you to take this wrong, Ray, because I love you dearly and can't imagine you not being in my life, but it is possible that he's the most important person in my life right now. And I don't know what he feels. I think I scared him, coming on so strong after the whole Benetech thing. 'I think it's why I'm here.' No wonder he feels I'm smothering him."

"You don't know that, Kitty," Rachel pointed out, "I mean, has he said it to you? You could just be reading into things."

Kitty laughed, "Has he said it? C'mon! I'm sorry, Ray, but this is Peter we're talking about- long dissertations on his feelings have never been his forte. Back when we were closer, yeah, sometimes- when I would let him get a word in edgewise. But seriously, how hard is it to translate, 'Oh, _nyet,_ Katya, I would not take your free time up so'? And after I'd clearly indicated that I wanted to spend time with him, too."

Her green eyes rolled behind her sunglasses. "I concede that it sounds a bit like a brush off. From just about anyone else. But we are talking about Petey Pureheart here, not just, like, a normal guy. Do the normal rules apply? Peter couldn't bluff his way out of a paper bag with four aces-"

"You've never played him in poker, I see. Although his best game is gin."

"You know what I'm saying, Kitty. He really doesn't lie very well, not about the important stuff, anyway. He gets all stone faced and his eyes won't meet yours." She shot a glance over at her friend, "I'm just saying that you need to keep more of an open mind here."

"I just think that I scared him." Kitty said, her voice pensive. "He'd been locked away with no contact for a couple years, and his ex-girlfriend starts talking about how she was meant to find him. That's a heavy trip to lay on anyone, let alone someone who'd been imprisoned and tortured for so long."

"He's a big boy, Kit. He'll get over it. And all in all, everything you've done for him, well, he definitely owes you one."

* * *

"So," Kurt inquired, "does it settle your mind at all, to have made this choice? I know you are still going through quite a lot, that you have much to reflect on, but doesn't it help to have at least the promise of resolution for one of those things?"

"_Da_," came the quiet reply. "_Nyet._ I truly do no know, my friend. Knowing where I stand with Katya would certainly quiet some concerns I have, but what that answer may be- it terrifies me. Both the not knowing what she will say, what she feels as not being able to properly communicate what I feel in return. It is… comfortable where things stand between us right now. We talk about much. She helps me explore what happened those long months, and I am safe with her. I do not forget to thank her for this, and I try not to impose too much outside the time we have set aside."

His eyes showed concern. "It would pain me to lose that."

"I understand that, Peter. But even you know that this situation will soon become untenable. With your history, the illusion of a therapy/patient relationship cannot stand for long. For one, one of the things we all love about our Katchzen is her joy and optimism. It may have taken some hits in the past few years- your death being part of that- but it is still there." Kurt stroked his chin reflexively, "I feel that she misses that in her life. She's trying so hard to be an adult, as she did in Excalibur, that she is not taking the time to enjoy those things that help her relax. It is good that she is out with Rachel right now, and I hope she is enjoying herself immensely."

"And you are thinking- what? That I am preventing her from enjoying herself? Why do think I declined her invitation to coffee today? I see how our sessions must weigh upon her, and I did not wish for her entire day to be so grim."

"You are missing the point, Peter," replied Kurt. "She invited you to join her in something fun, and you declined. I would think she might want to see you in an environment that isn't a therapy session or a battle with some megalomaniac in a garish costume. Surely you do not want her entire experience with you to be entirely mired in negativity?"

"No!" exclaimed Piotr quickly, turning back towards his blue-furred companion. "That was not my intention! I just-" he paused, and swallowed, "I just do not know. You have given me much to think about, _tovarisch_."

"It's about time!" Kurt laughed, "I do not mean to offend, for in some ways it is over-thinking that has led you astray here, but I do hope you can try to look at things a bit differently for a change- say, perhaps, a viewpoint about a foot or so shorter?"

Piotr felt himself smile in spite of himself. "I will try. Now, if you will excuse me, there is someone else I need to talk to, someone whose advice would be as welcome as yours has been."

With that, the large man walked towards one of the doorways leading to the back of the mansion. Kurt watched him leave through suspicious eyes, then shrugged and turned to go, almost running into Logan.

"Heavy talk with the kid, elf?"

"_Ja_. We were discussing… things." Kurt answered, not wanting to drag another person into the discussion.

The short man sniffed the air, "Affairs of th' heart, I imagine. Can't think of much else would make the big guy sweat like that." He inhaled deeply from his cigar, eyes lost in thought. "Y'know Kurt, it ain't our place to tell those two kids what to do."

If Nightcrawler was surprised that his teammate had easily surmised the topic of their conversation, he did not let it show. "I would have thought you would approve, considering how you dealt with Peter when he ended their previous relationship."

"I got no regrets 'bout that, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, he hurts that girl again." Gleaming adamantium claws shot forth with a chilling "snikt" sound to emphasize his point. "That ain't happening here, least not that I can tell. Kid's got other things on his mind from the looks of it, and I think he's tryin' to get his head on straight before he tries to figure out his heart."

The claws retracted with a "snakt".

Kurt paused, considering his friend's words. "I had not thought of it as meddling, but it seems that I may have. It is very hard to watch two people who care so much about one another dance around the issue and risk hurting themselves- and each other- through inaction."

The Canadian slowly exhaled a cloud of smoke. "Just what exactly have you been up to?"

"Right now, just talking with Peter about his feelings, getting some of the answers I'd always wondered about. I did make him promise to talk to Kitty about things other than his issues about his imprisonment. I was worried that they would begin to associate each other only with that overreaching gloom." Kurt explained, and then added, "Although… Kitty and Rachel may be joining us on a night out on the town later this evening."

"Damage may be done, then." Logan spoke in his gravelly voice. "We'll have to see what we can do to control the aftermath."

"Surely the situation is not so grave as that," laughed the blue-furred X-man. "We are not going on any sort of date with the lovely I_frauleins_/I, but just heading out to a bar or club to blow off some steam."

"Kurt, have I ever struck you as the sort of man who takes this sort of thing lightly? Count me in tonight. I think me and 'Ro are gonna have to babysit you, keep you out of trouble." Seeing his friend's mouth agape, he added with a half-smirk, "And don't call me Shirley."

* * *

The trees bowed to greet me as I passed by 

Where those lucky enough to be wounded did lie

But I could keep walking and so I went on

I'd been by there before, but now I belonged

And thousands of demons stopped me to say

You have faltered and fallen and now you must pay

And they smiled so kindly, I thought they were wrong

Till they bound me and gagged me and pushed me along

Emma Bull's voice came slow and measured through the car's speakers. Rachel could see in her friend's thoughts an image of a young woman with long blond hair- Illyana Rasputin, before her death from Legacy, even before she had miraculously regained the childhood stolen away by the evil sorcerer Belasco. It was a picture of a beautiful, teenaged girl full of life, wearing the classic yellow and black New Mutants uniform, her Soulsword blazing in her hand. Those blue eyes- so like, and yet so unlike her brother's- were mischievous, and her mouth had the hint of a sardonic smile, as if she'd just leveled a withering comment at her opponent.

_It's kinda like you and your mom._ Kitty thought, startling Marvel Girl. _You were saying earlier how your mom is still with you. 'Yana is with me, too. I can picture her in my head, I can **hear** her voice, letting me know when I'm acting like a brat or a snob. When Styker captured me, she helped me pull myself together. Well, her and Pete, anywayr. I had this fantasy that the two of them were happy together, reunited in heaven, and that when my time was done, I would get to join them. She still is my conscience in many ways. Somewhat ironic, given that she was sixty percent demon sorceress._

_Well, if she's your Jiminy Cricket, I'd say she's fallen down on the job, at least in light of your current situation. _Rachel deliberately kept the thought light, hoping it wouldn't come across as snide or jealous.

_Be nice._ Kitty chided her, _I have to admit, Illyana had a bit of a blind spot about her brother. I think she always wanted us to be together. She was absolutely furious at him over the Zsaji thing, and I think that was partly because she thought he was a complete idiot and was hurting himself as much as me. Do you remember that sort she told us at the campfire- "Lockheed the Space Dragon and his pet girl Kitty"? You know, where she updated the story I'd told her back when she was young, and turned it into a parallel of what happen to me and Peter? She was trying to tell us both something. It'd be funny if somehow, we finally got the message, all these years later._

_So Kate_, Rachel sent, with a lump in her thoughts, _Do you ever, y'know, with that it had been her and not me- I mean, well, not that Bogan needed a teleporter, but, but if you had the chance, to choose- between us-?_

Kitty stifled a laugh as she became keenly aware of her friend's nervousness like pins and needles across their link. . _What the hell kind of question is that? How could I ever choose between my two best friends? I have you back, Rachel, and I'm thankful for that. I'm not going to tempt whatever fate or malevolent demigod by engaging in speculation. I don't want to lose you again._

_What about Peter?_

Kitty paused. What wouldn't she have done on that first anniversary – the Yartzeit- to restore the big Russian lug to life? Or her father? Or Doug or Pete? She brow creased with a frown. _It's still not a fair question. In some ways, I expected to see you again. You're the Phoenix- or you were. You escaped Mojo and I knew in my heart that you'd escape from the timestream too. Just as I'm sure part of me wouldn't be terribly shocked if a stepping disc appeared right now with 'Yana in the middle telling us to grab our credit cards for a Parisian shopping spree. But Peter? There was more of a finality to that. I scattered what I'd thought were his ashes to the Russian winds. Aside from Danny- that Chicago cop I'd told you about- I had made my peace with it. Same with my dad, with that video from Genosha. Or Doug… with – gah- well, let's just say that I have really good reason to know he's dead. I was so awful to poor Douglock- excuse me, Warlock- claiming that some part of Doug was still there, but I wanted Doug to be alive again. Pete's different- I mean, we just have the word of the kids from X-Force he died, right? In fact, if not for all of the others who'd died on me, maybe I'd have been more hopeful he'd make a return too._

_

* * *

_

"Forgive me, snowflake, I know that I am late. I have been talking with Kurt. He was trying to cheer me up."

Piotr knelt at the gravestone, and wiped away some maple seed helicopters that had settled upon it over the past day. He noted absently a small bouquet of wild flowers near the base.

"I am in a quandary, Illyana. I do not know what to do. I have made a foolish promise, I think, but I cannot break my word to my friend, can I? Anyway, I need to understand what I feel for Katya. I need to know how she feels. I need… that is, I wish that you were here, little snowflake. To tell me I am a dunce and that I should do what I know to be right. And then show me what that is."

A gentle hand rested lightly on the marker. "I miss the sound of the laughter you and Katya used to share, even at my expense. Our Katerina no longer has that laughter in her life, and I fear for her. She is very sad, I think, and what Kurt has said makes me wonder if I am not adding to this. She deserves a much better life than what is being given to her, and I could not bear to be part of the darkness that is denying her that. Perhaps I should leave the Institute? _Nyet_. You are right, Illyana Nikolievna. That would be just running away. And would probably serve to make matters worse. For all my faults, for all my mistakes and the harm I have done, I seem to be important to her."

He absently traced the snowflake design that adorned his sister's headstone with his finger. "Another thing to thank Katya for," he mused. "To make sure your resting place was a beautiful as you are, when I was mad with grief and injury. And I do not know how, little one. To thank her, to show gratitude for everything she has done for me. I say the words to her, nearly every day. But how to make her understand how grateful I am, how much she means to me? I haven't the words. Not for her. She is far too important for mere words to convey what needs to be said."

Piotr sank down into the soft grass, crossing his massive legs Indian style. "Things are so different from when you were with us. Do you know of what has happened? Do you see us still? Did you feel anger at me for how I behaved at your memorial, or how I reacted when I first met Katya's boyfriend? Was it truly a good thing I did, to cure the disease that took you away from me? Or is Kurt right, and I caused needless pain to my friends and there was a better way after all?"

He cleared his throat, "Do you forgive me, little snowflake? It seems I still cannot forgive myself. I have such dreams- nightmares of the room where I was imprisoned. Frightening scenes of death and destruction, and also, of hurting the people I love in terrible, unforgivable ways. I wake each night in a panic, soaked in sweat. I try to work myself to exhaustion every day, but it does not help much. I fear I must be poor company indeed."

There was the slightest sound of footsteps behind him, and a shadow flickered across his field of vision. With an exclamation, he reflexively transformed into his armored form, and turned to face the potential threat.

"Hullo, Peter," said a familiar face with short red hair., standing a few meters away. "It certainly has been a while."

* * *

I came to a place I'd seen many a time 

They said to get in here you must have a crime

Guilty I said, though it took me a year

I have found hell and it's home and it's here

Then they stood up to greet me like I was a king

The carpet rolled out and the bells they did ring

The bulbs in the sockets they flickered and dimmed

I knew I was one by the strength of my sin

_So, what would you do if that stepping disc did appear? You said you wouldn't be surprised if it happened, so are you actually prepared for it._

Kitty blinked several times. _I don't think, even with everything the X-men have experienced, I don't see you ever preparing for it, expecting it. It hurts too much. It adds a sharp edge to that hole in your heart. So you bury it deep, and dread those moments that drag it to the surface. That movie you used to watch together, that scent of the person's favorite pizza. _With a nod of her head towards the CD player, _That song you hear on the radio. Those memories that just remind you how important they were to you, and just as often, the regrets you have, for all the missed opportunities to let them know what they meant- how you felt._

Rachel glanced over to find Kitty staring at her, eyes wide, heart open. She agreed with her friend on so many counts, and recent events had crystallized that. She wanted her mom- Jean- back. She knew, with a codename like Phoenix, it was, if not an inevitability, it was certainly a possibility that could not be discounted. And she knew she was trying hard to lock away any sort of expectation, the pain almost too much to bear. And there were all those triggers, arising from the ashes like her former namesake- "White Room" by Cream blaring through the speakers; the smell of hot cocoa, the mental touch from the holoempathic crystal around her neck.

_You see what I mean, Ray? And you must know that because of this, because I now realize how little I cherished the people I have lost, and how I regretted never letting them know what they meant to me, I'm not going to let you go. Ever. Because even if I have Peter back, I still need you. Even if 'Yana, Doug, Pete and my father showed up at the door tomorrow, I would still want you in my life. And dammit, I need you to know that. These days where we were fighting were tearing me apart_.

_Me, too. It hurt like hell, and I didn't know how to make it better. Since when did you become the wise one in this equation, Kit?_

Kitty laughed a bit at the role reversal, _Just one more service I offer. Shopping buddy, computer hacker extraordinaire, barmaid, certified genius, and reader of hearts. Didn't you know?_

_

* * *

_

"Rahne?" Piotr almost laughed in relief, "Is that you?"

"Of course it is, silly." Rahne responded with a grin, "Now git out of yuir steel shell and give us a proper hug."

Sheepishly he complied, swapping metal for all too vulnerable flesh. He scooped the small Scots girl up.

"I missed ye, y' big goof," she said, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing tight. "Almost enough t' forgive ye for that stupid stunt ye pulled. Here I was, having just lost my mum, and then one of my best friends goes and takes the verra life th' Lord gave him. I was good and cross with ye for a long time, Peter."

"Am I forgiven then?" There was something in the girl's manner that amused him greatly, and he found himself responding to the stern look on her face with a barely suppressed smile.

"Ye think I won't stay mad at ye, don't ye?" she challenged, "Ye figure ye kin jus' stroll back from Death's own door and all is forgiven? Well, I have some news for ye." The façade of anger melted away, and she returned his smile. "Yuir right. I am verra glad ye're back. And I guess that Kitty an' Kurt have already put the hard word t' ye, so I don't expect I have much to add." Her eyes became slightly pained, despite her grin. "Jus' don't be doing it again, OK?"

He tried to present his most reassuring face, and joked, "I think it is safe to say that if such thoughts were even to begin to imagine the very possibility of crossing my mind, I would not survive to complete the thought." Changing the subject, he added, "I have heard much of you since I returned… you are well, I hope?"

Rahne shifted to a slightly defensive posture. I dinnae think you could ha' heard anything good. Still, I'm doing well for myself. I'm working with Jamie and Guido as private investigators, a sort of mutant Magnum P.I.. We may nae be saving th' world like the X-Men, but we're fighting th' good fight in our own way- the little battles that never make it here t' Salem Center."

Peter nodded gravely, "It is often those little battles that are the most important. Certainly, the X-Men have won their share of the large ones, and yet we still seem to be losing the overall war." He paused, and rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "As for what I have heard, the only words that matter are that you are missed here at the Institute. Have you come back to us?"

"Nay." Rahne smiled, "Yuir a good man, Peter, for saying that, but I think I am happier where I am now."

"I had hoped, when I saw you here… you are just visiting then?"

She indicated that she was, "I was here to visit yuir sister, actually. I didnae think I would find anyone here."

"My sister?" Peter repeated in a somewhat surprised voice. "Forgive me, little one. I had wondered about the flowers – you?"

The young woman nodded, "Aye. I try to visit poor wee Illyana and dear Dougie once a month or so, when I can, t' let them know that they haven't been forgotten. I saw ye sitting there, an' didnae mean t' disturb ye."

"I am never disturbed by a reunion of a dearly missed friend, Rahne."

She shielded her eyes and glanced at the position of the sun, "Och, it's getting late, an' I still need to go see Doug before I go back. Peter, it's been wonderful t' see ye," she said as she gave him another hug. "As I was saying, I didnae mean to overhear what ye were sayin' t' yuir sister, but if you'll forgive some unsolicited advice from a friend, I think yuir a far better man than you've given yuirself credit for. The good Lord knows we all make mistakes in life." She paused a moment and glanced at the headstone, "Look at yuir dear sister. She was corrupted by the foulest evil imaginable, but she overcame that and saved us all, an' sacrificed everything she was t' do it. I was scared of her, didnae trust her for the longest time, and she proved me wrong. I'll not forget that, and I try t' visit her, just to show how I miss her and admire her."

His eyes moist, Peter wordlessly enveloped the young woman in a tight embrace. He held it for a while, and then released. The redhead pulled him down and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. She whispered, "Kitty would be lucky t' have a man like you. Take care of yuirself."

With that, her form blurred, features morphing from human to wolf. She bounded away, powerful legs carrying her easily over the stout fence of the Institute.

"And you, my young friend, take care of yourself," he said in the direction of her parting form.

* * *

I came to a place I'd seen many a time

They said to get in here you must have a crime

Guilty I said, though it took me a year

I have found hell and it's home and it's here

Then they stood up to greet me like I was a king

The carpet rolled out and the bells they did ring

The bulbs in the sockets they flickered and dimmed

I knew I was one by the strength of my sin

_Whoa… heavy stuff we've been dealing with here. Which I know was part of my plan, but we're back in town now, and we should probably make ourselves presentable before we inflict all the weapons at our disposal upon the male populace tonight..._

"Oh my god!" Kitty said aloud, hands covering her mouth, "I totally forgot about that! What am I going to do? I don't think I can do it- not tonight, not after this. I wouldn't know what to say, how to act, it would be so weird- I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy it. I mean, he barely ever smiles anymore and I'm sure Kurt's just dragging him out there and it's gonna be just like Lockheed at Brian and Meggan's wedding and even if we saw each other like that you shouldn't force people together, it just never works—"

_Kate! Chill, girl!_ Rachel sent the thought like a splash of cold psychic water in her friend's cortex. _You aren't thirteen anymore, geez. If you don't want to go with them, we don't have to. There are plenty of clubs we could hit that they would never go to. And besides, hearttakers and dreambreakers, right? Even if we go to the same club as them doesn't render us under any obligation to hang with them all night. And who knows, maybe it'd do the big lug good to see you enjoy yourself for once. Perhaps he'll see that you – surprise, surprise – like to have fun. And maybe, just maybe, he'll remember that he once knew how to have fun too._

Kitty laughed a bit, ashamed of her rant. _I guess, if you put it that way, not going would be just like running away. And if there's a lesson to be learned at this school, it may be that you can run far enough or fast enough to escape your problems._

Rachel smiled. _Now that's the Kate Pryde I know and love. So we're still on for tonight?_

_Yeah, we're on. Even if you just waned an excuse to check out Nightcrawler's image induced butt._

_But it's such a cute butt, even under an image inducer._ The thought bubbled with laughter. Then, she sighed as she pulled onto Graymalkin lane, _Almost home now… are you ready_

The brunette nodded her head, _Yeah. I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be- hey! Isn't that-_

Rachel looked over in the direction of Kitty's finger. A large reddish brown wolf had just leapt over the fence and was now loping down the road towards Salem Center. She reached out with a gentle mindtouch. _Yes, it's Rahne. I wonder why she was here- I thought she left after that unpleasantness with that healer kid. I suppose I could find out._

Kitty knew the story- that the young Scots woman had fooled around with the golden skinned student Josh Foley. Nothing beyond a kiss or two, and it hadn't lasted long as she understood it, but he was three years her junior and she was on staff. The school certainly had changed- years ago, the team had been supportive of her relationship with Piotr, five years her elder, and the members of Excalibur had begrudgingly accepted Pete, who had over a decade on her. But a teacher and a student was a different case.

_Don't bother, Ray, I'm sure it's none of our business. And I think the poor girl's been through enough, don't you? It figures she gets chased off and Josh gets high fives from the other boys in the student body._

The redhead nodded gravely and continued up the road to their home.

* * *

"I am getting much advice, little snowflake, but I do not know how to decide what is best for me. Rahne is still that same sweet girl, who sees the best in people. She may feel I am better than I think I am, but I still cannot see it. I feel as a monster sometimes, sister. What I said to the one who had imprisoned me, that I am made of rage now, not steel. I feel this is true. And who is to say that a heart made of rage has the capacity to love?" 

He turned and looked back at the memorial garden, at the statuary erected to honor those who had fallen in service to Charles Xavier's dream. He glanced at the large granite representation of himself, and his head sagged in shame. " I do not belong here, I think. Not among such people as these, who showed true courage. I feel unworthy. Elisabeth, at least, though also back among us, at least fell in battle, defending her comrades. I had good reasons to make my 'sacrifice'-" he laughed, a hollow, self-mocking sound. "Sacrifice? What an absurd concept. I did not think of it as a sacrifice. I saw it as a way to redeem myself, and to be reunited with you and our parents. There were options, yes, and I think I knew it at the time. But I did not care."

As he talked, he found himself wandering towards the memorials. He stopped in front of one dedicated to a man he'd known only briefly, but whose bravery and character had resonated with him long after that fatal explosion over Valhalla.

"Was it the same with you, John? Banshee could have stopped Nefaria with his sonic blast, but you continued to hit until the explosion that took your life. Did you need to give your life meaning, to prove you belonged? Was it worth it, in the end? Nefaria has, of course, returned, becoming more of a menace. And you are still gone. Why me, and not you? I ask these questions, and I do not know if there are answers."

He passed markers commemorating the Changeling, who, while dying from cancer, had taken the place of Professor Xavier while the telepath had prepared to repel an alien race, and Joseph, a clone of Magneto who had sacrificed himself to repair the damage done to the magnetosphere by the original.

His eyes stopped on a fairly large, simply designed black obelisk. It was simple in design, and was covered with hundreds of names, those lost in the so-called Mutant Massacre. The day stood as clear in his mind as if it were yesterday, when the Marauders had gone through the tunnels beneath New York City slaughtering the Morlocks. "Such a horrible day. Part of me died with those poor people. When I killed Proteus, I had no choice. It had to be done, and I was very sorry for Dr. MacTaggart's loss. With Riptide, I killed deliberately, and did not even look to see if there were options. And I would have done the same to Harpoon, had he not run. Yes, I would regret that callousness later, but at the time, I was seized with such anger I would have slain them all, had I the opportunity."

He continued to pace slowly, admiring the line of sculpture depicting Psylocke. It was the statue next to hers that he realized he'd been heading to all this time. The boy had been in his mid-teens, and the artist had captured the enthusiasm and sense of wonder he'd felt with the New Mutants. Though not born with abilities conducive to fighting supervillains, Douglas Ramsey had worked as hard as any of them to belong in that fight.

"Douglas. You were one of Katya's dearest friends. You both seemed to get along so well, having so much in common. There were times I think you two would have made each other very happy, had the fates put you together. You were good to her, and your death hurt her deeply. And you died saving your friend, Rahne. Truly, you were one of the most heroic of us all."

"It is a rather lovely day for such somber thoughts, little brother."

* * *

I said, By the fires, I see this is hell 

And by the looks on your faces you're damned here as well

They said, Come and be welcome, wearing your curse

To get here you must have walked through hell first

Well I knew I'd been somewhere because I was burned

I was proud of my scars like trophies I'd earned

And I knew I was lost before I could begin

Where lost is a crime, desperation a sin

Kitty had fallen silent, contemplating the days events and revelations. In a sense, she felt that her life had been in a holding pattern since Scott had summoned her back to the Institute. She'd hoped that she was done with this life. She'd given it up, left the X-Men for the halls of academia at the Robert Heinlein School of Engineering. She had all new vistas opening up for her- engineering, politics, possibly a law degree. But Wild Sentinels and Purity assholes had kept her head in the game, as it were, and Stryker had pulled her the rest of the way in.

_If you really wanted out, you shouldn't have used that old cliché about 'if they ever needed you…' _Rachel sent. She was glad for it- if not for Kitty, she would still be enslaved by Elias Bogan, once again forced to attack and harm those she loved.

_Hey, I said I'll always be there for you. And that was exactly what I meant when I told Ororo I would be there. I may have left Xavier's, but I never left the family. You guys mean everything to me. I just didn't expect to be called in to be a mascot. Hell, I'm outed as a mutant anyway, so being a teacher her isn't bad for the resume, but the idea of Emma having Scott make that call- to say I was needed here? I could've done without that._ The brunette brushed back some stray hairs that had slipped in front of her eyes. _Y'know, you make a good point. When I told Peter that finding him may have been why I was here, I may have been on to something. I found you. I found him. Two of my dearest friends. I had once tried so hard to save my parents' marriage, but now, somehow, I have been able to save those I love. Who knows? Maybe Doug and 'Yana are next…_

Rachel knew she wasn't entirely serious, especially about Doug, but it wasn't a bad way to look at it. Kitty pulled her tail out of the fire more than once.

They'd reached the gate, which opened with a press of a button.. The two young women had remained quiet for these last few moments as they made their way up the drive and towards the garage, each lost in thought as the song wound its way to the end.

Rachel placed the Mazda in its spot, carefully easing it into park. She pushed the eject button and retrieved the CD from the player and handed it to Kitty. They slowly unbuckled their seatbelts, but made no move to open the door just yet.

"So…"

"So."

"Well, it was fun, wasn't it?" Rachel asked hesitantly. Fun wasn't the right word, but there wasn't really one that fit what they'd been through. In the end, though, she wouldn't trade a day out with her best friend for just about anything in the universe.

"Yeah, Ray. In a weird way, it was." Kitty replied. "Not that I want to go over my entire nervous system with an emotional electron microscope on a regular basis, but I'm really glad we did this… and thanks again for the CDs…" She leaned over and gave Rachel a long hug.

Marvel Girl sniffled a bit, "To the closets, then? Outfits for tonight?"

Kitty shook her head, "Actually, I thought I might go visit Illyana first. It's been a while, and I think it might do me some good to be around my Jiminy Cricket."

"Oh." Rachel said, quietly. She opened the car door and slowly climbed out, a bit dejected. "I guess I'll catch you later then?"

Kitty blinked a bit at the sudden change of tone. "Well, I guess so. I mean, if you don't want to come with me. I'm sure 'Yana won't mind."

"I don't know, Pryde. That's kinda personal stuff, and I get a little edgy around graveyards. I've seen too many in my life." I_I've filled too many/I_, she added to herself. She put the keys back in storage and headed to the door leading inside the mansion.

"C'mon Rache," Kitty called after her. "Don't be like that… I'd really rather have you with me."

Sensing her friend's sincerity, the young telepath almost gave in. "Some other time, Kitty. I promise. Right now, I need to find an outfit that can make a man blush four shades of scarlet."

"Even if they've got indigo fur?"

"Hush, you rude girl!" Rachel laughed.

* * *

Piotr smiled at Storm. "It is always a lovely day to be among friends, whether they are alive or… resting." He cast a meaningful glance at the statues surrounding them, and sighed, almost imperceptibly.

Ororo did not miss the subtle cue. "Tell me, Peter, are you adjusting well? You seem quite ill at ease."

He spoke frankly, "No. I do not think that I am… adjusting… well at all. When I first came back, things seemed to be the same as when I left, but the more I learn, the more lost I feel. The population of Genosha slaughtered. The professor revealing his identity to the world. Or, should I say, his "evil twin" doing so. Jean again becoming Phoenix. And Magnus, acting so very unlike the man I'd respected and briefly followed during my dark period, he destroyed large parts of New York, and murdered Jean." He paused, reflecting on what he'd just said. "Well, perhaps the soap opera that is our lives as X-men has not changed all that much after all."

Seeing her friend try valiantly to hide his pain with an attempt at humor, the leader of the XSE reached out a comforting hand. "I know you are hurting, little brother, but you know you are among friends."

"_Da_, I know. In some ways, it makes things worse. I have come to realize that I am not the best of friends, especially to those I care for most."

Storm laughed, a silvery sound, "Rubbish! You are a wonderful friend. You just lost your way for a time. And you are a valuable teammate. I would love for you to fight at my side once more. Lucas might not appreciate it, given your history, but I trust you."

"Thank you, Ororo." Peter said. "I almost wish I could join your squad. I find that Scott's team does not seem to be as active, leaving me alone with myself far too long."

"And your attitude doesn't have anything to do with trying to avoid a certain teammate?"

"You too? Is everyone in the mansion fixated on Katya and I?" Piotr said, exasperated.

"Whatever happens between us, whatever we may mean to each other, we must be given time to discover this."

"I didn't mention Kitty at all, Peter. I was, of course, referring to Emma Frost. While she has certainly shown herself to be valuable in the field, and a capable headmistress, I know I would not care to be around her abrasive personality for long." She smiled, "But since you brought our Kitten up, how is she? She did not wish to serve in this capacity; she thought she had found another path. I was angry with Scott for asking her to stay on, and angrier still at Emma for instigating it. I feel it was an abuse of her trust."

His hands clenched into fists. "This is not right. If Katya does not wish to be here, she should be able to leave. She has fought the war, and lost her innocence and so much of her delight in life. She has done enough."

Ororo chided him, "This is unlike you, Peter. Kitty has proven herself more that capable of making her own decisions about her life. If she did not truly wish to be here, she would leave."

Peter sighed, "I know. I do. I just- how do I put this. I do not know to do. I have made a promise- that I will talk to her, to Katya. And, honestly, little sister, the idea of talking to her… it frightens me."

Kitty paced slowly, humming the tune to "More Thumbscrews" as she walked. She ruminated on everything that had happened, and grew in confidence. She wasn't a scared little girl anymore. She wasn't a teenager pretending to be an adult. She was grown now, a teacher and counselor. She helped solve other people's problems; she didn't wallow in her own

Her stride growing more confident, she headed toward the memorial garden. She hadn't visited her friend in a while. She thought about going to the Salem Center cemetery and visiting Doug as well, but that could wait another day. Now, the sun was shining, and she felt more relieved than she had in ages.

She froze when she realized she could hear voices among the statuary. She phased to silence and strained to hear. Ororo's laugh- there was no mistaking that. And… Peter. Of course. She knew she shouldn't, but she felt compelled to eavesdrop. He was saying something. Was that "Katya"?

The last line was clear, however, spoken firmly.

"…The idea of talking to her… it frightens me."

Kitty froze, eyes wide. She was right. Damn it, she was right. She ran back to her room, still phased.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Author's Note- Not as good as I'd like, but here you are. There's one more chapter- if you've read Astonishing lately, you know what sort of ending is in their future, but I won't spoil it. Thanks to all my reviewers, and I hope you enjoy it. I apologize for the roughness. I was going to do some rewriting, but I'm going on vacation and I'll be away from the computer.


	14. November Song

Chapter 14

"Count me out, Ray." Kitty said to her roommate as she marched into their room. "I really don't feel up to going out tonight."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. Something had happened, clearly, but what it was, well, a quick mindtouch would-

"And stay out of my head. It's not a very hospitable place right now." She'd flopped onto her bed and clenched her eyes shut, pressing her fingers into her temples to attempt to rub away the increasing tension.

Leaning against the doorframe, the redhead could do little but observe her friend's anger and frustration with sympathy. She'd surmised that Kitty had encountered Peter somewhere, and that it hadn't gone well. She stifled her genetic inclination to go psychokinetically reduce to doofus into so much scrap metal, as she couldn't see Peter hurting her friend deliberately. Given their history, however, even an accidental slight or perceived rejection could be absolutely devastating. It shouldn't be so- Kitty was far stronger than that. In college, she'd established herself as a mature, capable person, and to be so debilitated by one man- even one as important to her as Peter- well, that was just plain wrong. And Rachel was damned if she was going to stand for it much longer.

"Kit, I was never going to force you to go. I thought it might help- it was your idea, after all- but if you aren't up to it, I'm cool. I'll pop out and break the bad news to Kurt and Peter."

Kitty scoffed, and mumbled something under her breath about having to telepathically shout at Piotr's back as he ran away.

Rachel blinked. "I'm sorry- I missed that. What'd you say about Pete?"

"Never mind… it really doesn't matter." The young woman sighed and continued to massage her temples. "Oh, and while you are out…"

"Yeah?"

"Can you grab me a pint of the Double Fudge Brownie?"

"That bad, huh?"

Kitty laughed a bit, which Rachel took to be a hopeful sign. "Yeah. Well, that and I've just run out of excuses to avoid the White Queen's dirty little job she's been hounding me about all day."

Rachel stopped and turned back to Kitty. "I remember her asking you about something before we left today. I didn't get any sense of it when we were in each other's heads earlier so either you've repressed it completely, or…"

"It's so embarrassing, I wouldn't be surprised if I did," Shadowcat said, "God, it's such an idiotic thing."

"What is it?" C'mon Kate, you know you want to tell me!"

Still lying on her back, Kitty took a deep breath. "Our illustrious co-headmistress, the Ice Queen extraordinaire, wants to attract a higher class of student. She wants me to write a search function that will cross-reference the Cerebra database with the Forbes 500, the PSATs and honor rolls of fifty-three cities worldwide, and 'Facebook' and 'Myspace' based on friends list. I think she's trying to find rich, smart, pretty mutants to make the Institute a more elite place to be."

Rachel rolled her eyes, "Gah."

"My point," her friend said, with a hint of a smile. "I could be snarky and say it was entirely because she misses her upper crust high society life, but I guess it's more of a marketing ploy. I guess she's trying to show that for every Morlock out there, there's a Warren Worthington."

"Yeah, that or she's trying to recruit a new Hellfire Glee Club."

"Well, that too. Anyway, I guess I have some databases to hack and a query to write. We wouldn't want to miss out on the chance to recruit the GeeCee O.C."

Rachel groaned at the resurrection of Guido Carosella's ad-libbed pseudo-politically correct term for mutants. She headed for the door, grabbing her purse. "That's it, Pryde, I'm outtie. I'll catch up with Kurt and snag us that ice cream. Maybe I'll pop down to the video mart and rent us some tear-jerking swashbuckling robot comedy slasher flicks."

Marvel Girl closed the door gently behind her. She paused a moment, feather-brushing Kitty's mind to gauge her mental state. Yeah, the girl had it bad. She sighed softly, and began to walk away.

* * *

"Little brother, you know I care for you dearly, but I find your behavior to be incredibly dense, even for you." Storm's voice was gentle in her reprimand, but there was a hard edge to it that made it clear she was chastising him. "There was a time when I had almost wished you had perished than break our Kitten's heart, and now it appears you are heading along that same path. I cannot urge you enough to understand the consequences of your actions, and to choose your words and deeds carefully."

Piotr raised his eyes to the now darkening skies, as clouds formed in response to Ororo's temper. "You too? Between you and Kurt, I could not have more pressure on me right now. That is, save that which I place on myself. If you remember, I too wished I had died with Zsaji. And as the time went by and I became less certain about my feelings for that brave and beautiful alien, the more I came to regret my actions that day with Kitty. But I could not lie to her, could I? I did what I thought was best, even if I broke two hearts that day. Yes, I should have listened to Wolverine, and I certainly should have spoken with someone. It is a mistake I live with always."

He turned to look at his friend with piercing blue eyes. "And now, I have no more family outside this house. Yes, a cousin here, a mad uncle there, and God only knows where Mikhail may be if he is even alive. But all that truly remains for me are the X-men, and the dearest of all the X-men to me – by far- is Katya. Were I to hurt her again- that would finish me. So you will forgive me if I am cautious around her. I realize there is a chance here- a miraculous opportunity to undo the wrongs I have done her, to perhaps have a chance at happiness I have long thought beyond my reach. But first I must know that I am worthy of her."

"Peter…"

Piotr turned away, staring at the horizon, and spoke, softly, "There is a darkness in me, Ororo. A cancer that is eating away at my soul, filling me with an almost unquenchable thirst for violence and madness. You saw it down in the Morlock tunnels, when I killed Riptide. And head wound or no, you saw it at Illyana's memorial, against Bishop. Against Wisdom, as well. If I cannot be certain that I can control this rage, what good can I possibly be to her?"

Storm laid a hand on his shoulder, her blue eyes narrowing. "I think I understand, Peter." She turned him around and grasped both his hands in hers. "But you are not alone in this struggle. It is no different to what I experienced in Japan, or in the Arena. You have friends that understand. Ask Warren about his recovery from the machinations of Apocalypse. Ask Logan, who has fought – and triumphed – over his homicidal impulses. If Jean were here, you could ask her about her own fiery temper, the template for an entity that nearly destroyed all that is. The person you should really talk to is Scott. He was merged for a time with Apocalypse- can you even imagine having that evil in your head?" She paused, "And Scott's inability to talk about how that affected him helped to drive him away from his wife, who loved him and would have understood."

That last comment was punctuated by a sharp look. She continued, "You are right to make sure you are ready before beginning anything. But think on this – Kitty may know how she feels now, but she certainly remembers how she felt then, when she was fourteen. And I believe she will harden her heart against you should she feel you are playing her false… or leaving her dangling too long."

"_Da_, even more to think about, certainly. And less time to think it than I would hope for."

* * *

Kitty told herself that she was not going to cry over him. These were, after all, the breaks; this was life. And if Peter was going to allow himself to be paralyzed by his fear, well that was a choice he had to make for himself. Those dreams of youth she'd been silly enough to allow to awaken within her heart could finally be put to rest. She knew on an intellectual level that she could stand to be more charitable- what he'd been through was enough to permanently scar anyone, and it wasn't as if he wasn't trying to get better. But while she could be there for him as a friend, she absolutely refused to devote her entire life in a vain attempt to draw him out of this shell. She had her own life to live, even here at the Institute.

She grabbed a portable CD player from out of the closet and popped in a mix she'd made of the Flash Girls, Emma Bull's post-Cats Laughing project. She flipped through a few tracks, Another version of "Signal to Noise" seemed to threaten nerves still raw right now. "Tea and Corpses" or "A Girl Needs a Knife"- maybe later. The words of Dorothy Parker in "Threnody" kind of fit… but there was something she was looking for- not "A Meaningful Dialogue" - there, from _Maurice and I_. "November Song".

Angels and mortals fight for the right  
To have a little pleasure, and enjoy an easy flight  
Angels and mortals sometimes get their way

I'm in no hurry, baby, no hurry now  
Tell all the fellows what you think of your new girl now  
No hurry, baby, I'm just out to be alive  
Sitting down in the back seat, waiting for someone to come and

Drive me around your town, see the sights and  
Drive me around your town, the city lights and  
Drive me around your town  
But there's rain on the windshield and a fog off the ground.

As she lost herself in the music, she returned to a meditative breathing pattern. The anger she felt started to drain away, leaving only a vague sadness and sense of resignation. She couldn't hate him, even when she wanted to. To attempt to muster up such negativity was a waste of energy. And he certainly didn't hate her- she knew that much. Whatever fear he may have been expressing to Ororo, and however stiff and formal he might be during their talks, he always showed genuine appreciation for her efforts to help him, and for her as a person. She smiled a bit at how he would look at her when their session was up and say "thank you so much, Katya" with complete sincerity.

There was a lot of history between them. Broken hearts and shattered dreams. But there was a bond between them that she would not give up for anything. Still, there were many things to think on.

* * *

It was a chastened Nightcrawler that walked down the hall towards Kitty and Rachel's room. As he made his way through the corridors, the normally erudite Kurt tried to work out what he would say. It wasn't a matter of him saving face, but rather an attempt to undo any damage he may have inadvertently caused. He knew that _Kätzchen_ had it bad for Peter once again. They hadn't talked about it, but he'd known and lived with the girl since she was thirteen, from her first love through her relationship with Wisdom and more. He'd been the one she'd called when she thought she saw Peter in Chicago on the anniversary of his death. And if his actions had led to hopes being raised that there would be some sort of magical reconciliation tonight, then the responsibility for lowering those expectations also fell on him.

"My dear _frauleins_,' he rehearsed quietly, "I fear that I may have been a little hasty in my earlier invitation. It seems that I-." He frowned. What excuse could he make that would not be immediately ferreted out by the girls? He was on the same squad as Rachel, as Kitty was with Peter, so any pretext of training sessions or missions would never fly. And, indeed, he always felt uncomfortable with a bald-faced lie. So the truth - but a more palatable version, one that would not be misconstrued - was required.

"The truth is," he said to himself, "is that Peter doesn't really feel up to a social event and that I was a tad overzealous in trying to bring back that aspect of him, when I should have let him work his own way out."

"You pushed hard, when a gentle tug was the right move, huh?"

"Ach, Rachel!" he exclaimed, "Sneaking up on people is my specialty. I would hate to have to sue for copyright infringement." Years of Danger Room training had honed his reflexes to a fine edge, reducing his surprise at her sudden appearance. "But, _ja_, I have been too strong in trying to coax him out of his cocoon."

The pair paused, an awkward silence falling about them. A group of students passed them in the hall, jabbering about weekend plans and who said what to whom and why this band would totally rock.

"So," Rachel began. "What do we do now? Kitty's in there upset as all hell. Do you know what he did to her?"

"I haven't seen Kitty at all today, but I do know that Peter was tearing himself over how to make sure he never hurts her again."

"Well, the big metal idiot better realize that is exactly what he is doing," she snapped. "And if he's going to continue to move at a Blob's pace, then it falls on us to get them both where we know they're going to end up anyway."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that." Kurt's jovial lilt vanished. "I just got a pointed warning from Logan about playing Cupid. Those two are going to have to find each other on their own, I'm afraid."

* * *

Storm felt a surge of sympathy for the large man with the lost look in his eyes in front of her, but she suppressed it. Peter had been through quite a bit, but she would not allow him to wallow in it. Yes, part of her would love to have him by her side in the XSE, as his strength and nigh invulnerable metal body would be a great asset. But were she to offer and he accept, there would always be the shadow that he was running away from his troubles.

"I know you are feeling rushed, Peter. It is very understandable. Just know that I want what is best for you both- happiness. But there just isn't an unlimited amount of time to make your decision- it will be taken out of your hands should you procrastinate."

"I realize this, my friend. And I do not intend to permit this to happen." He took a deep breath, and continued, "It would be a lie to say it is tempting, to just allow this, to not risk anything. She would not blame me as much, if she felt it was the result of my imprisonment. However, it would be wrong to do so; I cannot lie to her. I worry that my feelings for her may not be returned or that any mutual feelings there may be may not be enough in this life we lead. As you mentioned, if even Scott and Jean could not last, what chance would we have? That is, if that were what we wanted."

"You aren't Scott Summers, Peter. Not by any stretch of the imagination. Or Warren Worthington or Remy Lebeau or Logan or even Kurt Wagner." She paused, reflecting on the tumultuous relationships that seemed to plague all the X-men, herself included.

"Am I so different? Johnny Storm was not so smitten with Zsaji that he forgot those that were most important to him, but I fell under her spell completely. Perhaps, as Logan suggested, I was afraid – of a future with Katya, that I would never control my jealousy, or even that I was not worthy of her and that someone like Doug Ramsey would be a better match. Perhaps it was just that she had saved my life and shared those telepathic mists with me and it made our bond stronger. Perhaps I yearned for the simpler life she lived. I do not know." He paused, painful memories plain behind his blue eyes. "No, I do not think I am so different at all. I think I am just the same as those others, if not weaker."

Storm's retort came like a slap, "Stop it, Peter. I won't hear any more of this. You are no frightened child to be cowering like this. You are a grown man, an X-man. You are supposed to be a hero. You have responsibilities- to your team, to your friends, but most importantly to yourself and Kitty. You know in your heart what your choice is, but you continue to allow it to be obscured by imagined scenarios, fear and trivialities."

"You speak as if you know my choice," Piotr protested, "as if it were somehow in plain sight and I were overlooking it. It is not so visible, I assure you. But you do remember this, do you not? If I recall, you yourself were unable to make such a decision once-"

Ororo's face registered her shock at her friend's accusation. Peter recognized her reaction and immediately began to apologize. "Forgive me, I did not mean to bring up such a painful memory…"

Her jaw set, Storm replied in a measured tone. "No, you are correct. I have been in your situation. I did hesitate, and I lost." She turned and headed back down the path. "But don't you see little brother? That is exactly why I am here, trying to prevent you from repeating my mistake."

He could only stare in silence as she walked regally towards the mansion.

* * *

Humming quietly to herself, Kitty wiped a stray tear away angrily- _No tears!_ she'd promised herself. Still, most of the tension had drained away, and she felt almost numb. She started to sing, softly, losing herself in the music.

Angels and mortals drive around in cars  
Angels and mortals, life among the stars  
Angels and mortals sometimes have to pay

I've been celebrating lately, celebrating high  
Now I own a piece of me, about as much as I can buy  
No hurry, baby, I'll tell you the reason why  
I've been saturated lately by the trickle of a happy stream and

I want to feel you some more, baby  
I want to feel you some more  
But there's a shadow on your mirror and a lock on your door.

It was too much, she knew. Too much for one person, too heavy a load to bear. Since she saw no willingness on his part to bridge the gulf between them, and it was too far a distance for her alone, she would have to just let those fantasies fade from her mind. This world was too dangerous to get lost in pipedreams. They were who they were, and that was that, and getting upset about it, well, that was baby stuff. She remembered Rachel's thoughts- she was stronger than this. She'd help save universes, faced death and worse- she'd dealt with heartbreak for most of her life. She was a Cubs fan, dammit, she could take whatever the world dished out and prevail.

Though masked by the music pumping through the earbuds, Kitty realized the door was opening. Just the faintest movement of air was distrubed by its movement, indicating it was not Rachel returning with the ice cream. No, she tended to be a little more forceful. That left-

"Hey X," she said, determined not to be surprised this time.

"Hello," the young woman replied. "I am… sorry about startling you earlier."

Kitty smiled ruefully, "I'm sorry too. Hopefully we'll know better next time, right?"

"Yes." Sniffing the air, X-23 tensed a bit, "I smell… tears. Sadness. Why?"

_Gah, just like hanging with Logan_, she thought. "It's nothing, X. Just one of those things that happen in life you just deal with and move on."

"Did someone hurt you? You smell like you've been hurt. Who was it?" The girl's muscles had tensed up, and she looked like she was about to pop her claws.

Immediately, Shadowcat hit pause on her player and leapt up, "Whoa there! It's no biggie- if anyone hurt me, it's me. I let myself get lost in a dream, and it turns out that's all it ever was. That realization was painful, but I'll be okay. That which doesn't kill us, and all that."

There was something about the girl's reaction to her comment about being the one who'd hurt herself, a flash of the eyes, that Kitty filed away for further investigation. While they were roommates now – at Wolvie's insistance – a large communication gap remained between them. And this despite her repeated attempts at retail bonding. She mused about their respective dark sides, and saw how that could easily be expanded to everyone here at Westchester. It must be linked to the X-gene, she decided.

"So, um, X," she began, "Got any thoughts on how to make a guy of steel remember he's flesh and blood just like the rest of us? Never mind, I've been trying forever and I don't have a clue. I shouldn't even bother, I know. I know! God, I should know. Why am I letting myself get worked up about this, why do I let him crawl under my skin? It's not like he's the only boyfriend I ever had. It isn't even that he was the best- I mean, he may have been, but there's something to be said for the proactive guys too, someone who'll make the first move. Just for variety's sake, y'know? Peter always seemed afraid of hurting me – right up until the day where he broke my heart. And that begs the question, doesn't it? Why am I even considering the possibility? He broke my heart- more than once! And the last time, he goes and kills himself! Without saying goodbye, too. Yeah, I wasn't on campus at the time, and I was sort of avoiding the X-men, but he could've left me a note or something, don't you think? Even if we weren't together, even if we hadn't been in ages, we were supposed to be friends. And friends don't just leave their friends hanging out to dry like that, all alone… except, yeah, I did it to my friends too, didn't I? We're none of us perfect, and I guess I'm being a tad hard on the big guy. No, I don't know if it changes anything- I'm still pissed at him, and I need to settle down from that… but I feel better for talking with you."

X-23 looked at Kitty, and said "?"

Peter waited a few moments, watching Ororo return to her loft in the old boathouse. His mind was reeling, him muscles tense, as if preparing for some imminent attack. Not that such a thing was impossible here, or even highly unlikely. But in recent weeks a nagging paranoia had settled in- he had attributed it to the lingering effects of his confinement, but he'd thought he was making progress. Thanks to Kitty.

* * *

Kitty.

_Katya._

He felt his ears burn at the thought of her. He felt his heart start to break at the thought of a life without her. And he felt his stomach clench at the thought of hurting her again. He just wished he knew how to stop what seemed to be inevitable- both roads ahead seemed to lead to the same destination, with both of them getting hurt again.

He had to go to her, talk to her. Explain his hopes and fears about their relationship, whatever it was, or would be in the future. She had listened to him so patiently as he talked through the horrors of his imprisonment, as he expressed his confusion at this strange new world he'd been reborn into, and his fears about living in it without his family. Would she not show the same patience as he tried to explain how he felt about her? Especially if she had as great a stake in the outcome as he?

He paused, thinking back to a wind swept hill. He was so certain that had been the right decision that day. He'd fallen in love with another woman- a woman he barely knew and could scarcely communicate with – who had subsequently died bringing him back from the dead. How could he pretend to be a devoted boyfriend and worthy partner when his love had been so inconstant on the Battleworld? He was so sure then- clearly it had been the right, honorable thing to do. Katya could certainly have done better than to be with such a fickle oaf as he. Douglas, for one, came to mind.

And yet, it had torn him apart to do it. And he'd seen the pain on her face. And as the days went by, the love he'd felt for Zsaji had lessened. He berated himself over that, to dishonor the beautiful alien's memory so. He felt himself a cad of the highest sort – he'd cheated on Kitty with such casualness that in retrospect it almost shocked him, and now he felt his affections for this new woman, at whose gravestone he had wanted to remain, fade away. Surely he owed Zsaji more than that? She had saved his life, had given hers to bring him back. Why had it become so difficult to remain faithful to her memory? And why did Kitty's face now haunt his thoughts again, as they had when he'd first been plucked away by the cruel Beyonder.

Looking back now, he had been certain then, and he had been wrong. About what he'd felt for Zsaji. About what he'd pretended not to feel for Kitty. About that whole conversation. And now he was facing another talk, another chance. Could he risk being wrong again?

Maybe it would be different this time. He was certain of his words last time, sure of what needed to be done. This time, he was not. He had no assurances, no certainty. What he did know was that despite the pain he had caused her, she inexplicably seemed to want him as part of her life. And despite his fears that he might somehow hurt her again, he could not picture his life without her.

Yes, all he could be certain of this time was that he had to talk to her. Or rather, he felt quite strongly that the two of them needed to talk, to have a conversation. A relationship was a two person affair, and her opinion was at least as important as his. More so, in fact. Should she wish a simple friendship, he knew he could be satisfied in that. If she decided that the rewards were not worth the risk, and that they could only be casual strangers, mere co-workers, he would be crushed, but would acquiesce. And if she wanted more – if, after everything that had happened, she still felt something more than camaraderie, something deeper than friendship – if that, then he would tell her everything. All of his hopes and fears and dreams and worries. Only then could she make an informed choice, only then could they see if the path was truly one they were prepared to brave.

He walked back towards the mansion, a renewed purpose in his stride. Yes, he would talk to her. If only he could find the words.

* * *

"So Uncle Logan says to be all Prime Directive over those two?" Rachel asked, petulantly, "He really wants to take all the fun out of things."

"I had not thought you to be so positively inclined to such a relationship," Kurt replied, "I had heard of some unpleasantness after our return from the Savage Land."

"Oh. That." She blushed, rather prettily Kurt noticed. "Well, seeing them together, on a bearskin rug, sharing a bottle of wine, well, it looked like the beginning of a soft porn vignette. I nearly gave X-23 a quick telekinetic shove out the door, lest they corrupt her. I thought they were moving way too fast, and I was wondering where that would leave me. Now it appears the two of them seem to be going backwards, and I don't think that's right either." With a frown, she added, "So seriously, fuzzy elf, what the frak is the big guy's major malfunction? He's pushing Kitty away just when his thoughts are screaming at how much he wants to be with her. You've seen it too, haven't you?"

The indigo furred mutant nodded, "_Ja_, He is… afraid. He has hurt _Kätzchen_ too often."

"Yeah, I guess I can see that. Between the Alien Bimbo, beating the crap out of her British spy boyfriend, and the whole Legacy cure debacle, he's got three strikes against him. But she seems willing to let him stay in the game, if he'll only step up to the plate." She burst out laughing, "Gah, being in that girl's head has me spewing out baseball metaphors like they're Kerry Wood fast-… never mind. Anyway, I blame this all on you, y'know."

Kurt blinked, "_Was?_ This is my fault?"

"Has to be. Well, you and the rest of the X-men who got pulled off by the Beyonder, yeah! You just let him fall in love with that healer chickie and that's where it all went wrong. That didn't happen in my time, and Petey and Kate was so cloyingly in love you would just gag. Why didn't you kick his ass for that?"

"Ah, now that is a long story…"

Crossing her arms, Rachel leaned against the wall. "Well, my evening dance card seems to have emptied, so I think we've got time."

Nightcrawler scratched the back of his head, nervously. "Well, you have to understand, we weren't actually there when it happened…"

"You let Colossus wander around a battlefield alone?"

"_Nein!_, of course not. But he had been injured critically by the Wrecker and I_Herr/I_ Professor summoned us away, leaving him in the care of Captain America's squad, knowing they had a healer… if we had moved him, he would have died. That healer, of course, was Zsaji."

"And the pig just fell in love with her because she saved his life? Kitty did that to, and more than once!" Rachel was angry, and her eyes flashed.

Kurt spoke quickly, "It isn't entirely like that… when we returned, he seemed different. Before his injury, he talked of nothing but how he missed Kitty. After- Wolverine suggested that it was a side effect of Zsaji's power."

"And he didn't know? And you didn't tell him? You just let him betray Kitty like that and it wasn't even a real emotion? I thought better of you two!"

"There was no time. By the time we realized what had happened, we were being summoned by Professor Xavier to make the decision to attack Dr. Doom, who had taken the Beyonder's power. Doom killed us all. And Zsaji gave her life to resuscitate Peter, who used the medical equipment to bring back Mr. Fantastic, who then brought us all back. At that point, the poor woman was dead… it would have done nothing to try to break the spell at that point."

He hung his head, "I suppose we thought that, with Zsaji dead, Peter would return to Earth and Kitty, saddened but alive, and that they would resume their relationship. I do not know if we counted on him feeling honor-bound to the alien's memory, or that perhaps, in giving her life for him, the side effect that made him love her had been somehow supercharged. By the time we realized what was happening, he had told Kitty, and she had left us, ending up in Japan."

Rachel wanted to scream her exasperation. "All these years – all that recrimination – those two have been torn apart over that one betrayal, and now you tell me it was all due to some sort of psychoempathic aphrodisiac? That in the end, it was just another sort of mind control shit and Peter wasn't really at fault?"

A rough voice interjected, "The kid's still responsible for his actions, Red. He's at fault, all right."

"Wha- who-? Y'know Logan, if I ever figure out how you manage to sneak up on me like that-"

"Ain't never gonna happen, kiddo," he said with a brief, snorting laugh.

The redhead turned to the shorter man. "I don't get it, if it was part of her power, then how is he at fault?"

"Even before the whole caper, Petey had doubts and fears 'bout things, let Zsaji sink her hooks into him. That ain't a proper mindset for bein' in love, not if yer talkin' marriage. If we'd told him what had happened, we give him that mulligan, then he don't man up to his issues and deal. And then when things blew up down the line, it woulda been worse. Yeah, it was a hard lesson, but it wasn't squat compared to what Punk'n went through."

"But you could've told her…"

"Maybe, maybe not. Could've been worse, knowin' the man you love dumped you over some sort of alien voodoo love zap. Anyways, it didn't matter a lick anyway, 'cause the next time I saw her, she'd been brainwashed by my old mentor, Ogun. And to get her back, I needed to help her find her inner strength, and like it or not, Peter breaking up with her was part of that- she knew she couldn't rely on him, or her parents, only herself."

"It still sucks."

Kurt spoke up, "Agreed, but it made her stronger. As for Peter, I do not believe it would have done anything had we told him but cause him to turn on us for desecrating Zsaji's memory."

Ray pushed on, "But the Professor could have removed any influence…"

"And what then? I'm sorry you don't like it, girl, but, in the end, if Pete don't hook up with her, we're all corpses and the universe is run by Victor von Doom. You want that? And whatever it may have been, the girl still gave up her life for Colossus, and she deserves our respect and honor for that." Logan's eyes were distant, "Besides, Kitty and Pete grew up jus' fine not knowing the particulars, they don't need to be getting all confused about things now."

With a nod of his head, Nightcrawler added, "It doesn't matter what the past holds. All that is truly relevant is that those two learn how to talk with one another in the present. Not as team mates, not as patient and therapist, but as two adults who care a great deal for one another."

* * *

I drew a picture on the window as we rode  
Then I wiped it dry to see the other side  
I see no more than you do  
Believe me, I've tried

To find what is missing, to find what is wrong  
To write the words to my happy-ending November song

I need to feel you some more, people  
I need to feel you some more  
But there's a face at your window  
And a knock on your door.

Kitty gently removed the earbuds and lay them next to her on the nightstand. She smiled, in spite of the gnawing unease in her stomach. Those few butterflies were counterbalanced by the sense of empowerment she felt at her decision. She arose deliberately, focusing on the words from the song – _Now I own a piece of me, about as much as I can buy. _She was master of her own destiny, as Peter was of his. And now was the time to determine if their respective paths were destined to move together for a time (_Maybe forever?_ She quashed that thought before it could take hold) or run parallel, never again to intersect.

"Wish me luck," she said to X-23, and she headed out the door.


	15. Yes, Anastasia

Cool. Calm. Collected. Kitty felt rather alliterative as she walked through the hall, intent on marching right to Peter's room. There was a bit of a spring in her step and music in her heart.

She was going to confront him. Another hard C to the list. Caring and comforting, yet controlled.

Maybe he was frightened. She was, after all, a very scary individual. She grinned in spite of herself.

She made her way through some of the students- who were milling about in anticipation of making their way to the cafeteria for a late dinner- or perhaps congregating for a run into town on a Friday night. She dodged left and right, resorting to simple brush blocks to slip by some of the larger, more oblivious kids. It still amazed her, their total lack of spatial awareness, and the dumbfounded looks on their faces- when they found their momentum used to propel them slightly off their path- amused her.

* * *

"She's going to him."

Emma shrugged, "I don't see that it matters. Give the brat a moment of fun before we tear it all away from her."

"No." The voice was flat, clinical. "If they speak now, tonight, it jeopardizes the plan. She may trust him again, and you may not be able to overcome that."

"You don't trust me."

"I know you, dear. Better than you know yourself. And you know her. Everything depends on a certain gulf between them. Now what are we going to do about this?"

"I suppose I could use my authority to make the child do her chores. Scott is off with Henry, so he won't countermand me. And I do need those results to elevate the stature of this place. Mutancy is so plebian, sometimes."

There was a pause. "It's a start. Meanwhile, let's poke around the boy's head and see if there's something there to use."

"If you wish. But he's as much a boy scout as Scott was. And I don't think I am willing to ruin everything I've accomplished here to spend the time corrupting him."

"Nothing so trite. Look there, in his genetic memory. Isn't _that_ interesting?"

Emma's eyes narrowed, "What? Let me see- really? It seems our insufferably virtuous Shining Knight has something rotten in his core. Can you bring it out?"

"It's almost free anyway, but I can nudge it to the forefront. It's been haunting his dreams as it is."

"Good. With his insecurities and lack of self-confidence, I think we can nip any intimacy- and trust- in the bud." With a twirl of her cape, she left her office and strode towards the stairs. Students parted before her almost magically, scrambling to escape the look on her face. Not even the most obsequious of the children wanted to be given a task when she was projecting this attitude. "Oh, Katherine!" she called, echoing it with her telepathy.

* * *

Peter felt it again, the darkness creeping in his brain. Stronger, this time. Was he going mad? He knew he should be mad, after his ordeal at the hands of Ord. That he wasn't was more a testament to his stubbornness and the care and comfort of his friends.

Still, with his head pounding like this, and the shadow clouding his thoughts, he was in no condition to talk to Kitty just yet.

He glanced at the card on the dresser. Scott had given it to him, but he had just tossed it aside. Leonard Samson, Psychiatrist. He did not like the idea of seeing such people, who twisted your memories and told you who you really were. Yet Rahne had spoken highly of him, and for all Kitty's patience, he knew that even she had not come close to expunging this blackness in his mind. It was a separate pain, somehow, and yet still permeated his other anxieties.

He picked up his cell phone.

He put it back down. Maybe he could relax himself through his painting.

He easily picked up the large, full-length mirror and carried it over by the easel. He'd been meaning to do a self-portrait for a while now, ever since he was freed. He needed to see what changes he'd undergone, to discover what the canvas revealed about himself. He started with the main line… it flowed in a curve, depicting more of a crouch than he expected. He continued for a few minutes, with a sort of morbid fascination as to the basic outline forming. Not what he expected at all.

There was a knock on his door. He tossed a sheet over the canvas and crossed the room.

"Peter?" A soft voice called.

It was Kitty.

* * *

Rachel had popped down to the walk-in freezer after her conversation with Kurt and Logan, snagging the pint of ice cream she'd promised her best friend. She flew- quite literally – up to the second floor, basking a little in the attention she was drawing.

She walked to their room, passing X-23, who had put on a _gi_ and was heading in the direction of the exercise room. She gave a fairly cheerful wave, and ducked inside.

"Who wants ice cr-?" She realized that Kitty wasn't there as much from the absence of her thoughts as the emptiness of the room. She did a quick cursory sweep, and found her en route to Peter's room.

"Good girl!" she smiled.

She felt the condensation forming on the Ben & Jerry's in her hand, stuck it in the minifridge, just as her x-link went off. She glanced down, and sent the thought out to Storm, _What's up, boss?_

_Cyclops suggested that we investigate the scene of your earlier fight, and I agree. Suit up and meet us in the hanger in five minutes._

She sighed audibly. _I'll be right there…_

She scribbled a note to Kitty explaining things, tossed on her costume and headed to the nearest elevator to the subbasement.

* * *

"Peter?" She asked again, a little louder. "Do you have a moment?" The butterflies had gathered in her stomach like swallows at Capistrano, but there was no stopping now. She pondered inviting him to take a walk with her on the grounds, perhaps down to the lake. To get them away from this house and all of its entanglements, get on some neutral ground. Just not, you know, _that hill_. But what if he said no? What if he gave another "Oh no, Katya, I would not trouble you so." _Don't be so damned cynical, Pryde!_ She scolded herself.

"_Da_," came his voice through the door. There was an odd quality to it, even muffled as it was by the wood. "Just one moment."

Her heart skipped a beat as the door swung slowly inward. It skipped another at the sight of this man she'd loved – yes, she admitted it now – for so long, standing there in sleeveless undershirt and paint-splattered sweatpants. His bare feet, she noted absently, were in serious need of a pedicure. Her eyes trained upwards, finally meeting his, where she was taken aback by the haunted look she encountered there.

"Can I," he stammered, uncharacteristically, "can I help you, Katya?" He was blinking rapidly, as if the light was hurting his eyes. He looked so different from the man she'd espied just a short time ago in the memorial garden. And he looked afraid.

Of her?

A line from a song played through her head – "We'll see how brave you are. We'll see how fast you'll be running." Where the hell did that come from?

Her heart sank a bit. She pressed on, "I was wondering, since we're not going to go out tonight after all, if maybe you'd like to take a walk, get some air…"

_Katherine. _

She had ignored the first call, and pondered ignoring the second. And then realized that Emma was probably listening in as she pondered it, which made it all a bit pointless.

_Quite. Now, I believe I have been more than patient as you have gallivanted about today, and I do expect a reasonable level of compliance from my staff._

She thought back, _And this has to be done tonight?_

_You can play with your cuddle toy later, Kitten. _ The normally friendly nickname was used with a tangible sarcastic stroke . _From the looks of his mind, I doubt you'd find much entertainment there tonight._

_You leave him alone!_

_Temper, temper, my dear. I just want what's best for everyone concerned. _ Emma had a light touch, but it still felt foul to Kitty. _Obviously he was busy when you interrupted, and you do have your own homework to do. For me._

"Katya?" Peter looked at her… she seemed distracted. And irritated. Perhaps her patience with him had run out, as Ororo and Kurt had warned.

"Fine," she said aloud. "Whatever." She rubbed her temples and choked back the urge to retch. "Listen, Peter, I had hoped we could talk tonight, but I see that's probably not going to happen. I have this thing I have to do. I do want to talk – and soon, ok?"

His own heart dipped. "As you wish." He was too late. All of today, all the soul searching he'd undergone, and he was too late.

* * *

"As you wish?" Kitty muttered to herself. "What the hell does that mean?" Was it resignation? Remembering the look in those eyes- how the blue had seemed tinged with some unknown, indescribably malevolent shade, she was sure he wasn't making a _Princess Bride_ reference.

She was seething as she walked back to her room. Emma was right in that he did not look like a man who was up for company. At least, not her company. Fear gripped her as she wondered if this had been their one shot; for all she knew, their next mission might be their last. She'd accepted that- her will had been written ages ago, even updated a time or two.

But he'd come back for her, hadn't he? Damn it, he had, he'd returned from the dead, returned for her to find. That couldn't be a coincidence, could it?

She got back to her room. God, she needed to talk to Rachel.

"Hello?" she spoke as she phased through the door. The lights were off – X-23 was gone, out with friends perhaps. Or, more likely, off training somewhere. Did the girl even have friends aside from Logan?

She flipped the switch, and immediately saw a scribbled note on her bed.

Had to run – duty calls – hope things went well with Pete! B&J's is in the fridge, just in case– Love, Me

_Oh Rachel, things didn't go at all with Pete! They may have gotten worse!_

She cursed out Emma, and threw on her pajamas, while her computer booted up. She got out a spoon and the ice cream and sat down to build her query.

* * *

Every time he slept, it was the same dream, the same nightmare. He was a boy, falling down into a deep chasm, begging for help. Peter tossed under the pressure of this recurring nocturnal assault on his sanity, sweat breaking out on his brow. In the dream, he gave into his rage, pounding at the rock with all his might… there was a sense that now it was the room- his cell at Benetech, where he found himself alone- every day – in the dark, pushing himself to his utmost, using all of his strength as Colossus in a desperate attempt to break free of this hell…

…And then he was falling. He fell down one story to the ground, landing in front of the mansion.

* * *

Kitty was radiant in her gown- everyone had said so. The sun shown brightly down on her as she gazed out at the forest of chairs, all filled with loved ones. Her worries that she would be shown up by her bridesmaids had faded, for while Ororo was as regal as ever, Rachel as stunning and Illyana as gorgeous, today was her day, and for once, all eyes were on her. Except for that teenaged second cousin from Riverton who was totally checking out Illyana's bodice.

One by one, the groomsmen had walked up the aisle to escort their respective bridesmaids. Logan looked odd balanced with Storm, but Doug and 'Yana were clearly sharing a joke as they walked together. Finally Kurt, dashing as always, led Rachel the remaining distance, where Rabbi Weinstein waited under the _chuppah_ with her future husband, who was looking resplendent in his tuxedo.

"Shall we, dear?" She was ever so glad that her father had been able to make it back from Genosha for the wedding day- she knew how difficult it had been to make arrangements. He was looking rather debonair himself – you almost didn't notice the decomposition in his face, and his own tux managed to camouflage the fact that his lower ribcage had been completely blasted away.

She smiled at him, and took his proffered arm. She gazed warmly upon the congregation, all her friends who had come to this, the happiest day of her life. Scott and Jean sat with the twins, Rachel and Christopher, next to Professor Xavier. There was Larry Bodine – oh, it was so nice he could come. Pete Wisdom looked grumpy in the sunlight, but he looked kinda cute next to his date, Sage. She was a bit peeved about that Zsaji bitch attending, but it would be good to rub it in. Brian was clearly trying to explain some aspect of the ceremony to Meggan, and the rest of Excalibur were seated nearby. Feron had even found his dress habit, apparently. Jamie Madrox had taken up two rows all by himself, but Rahne was scolding him for that. Her mother was in the front, teary-eyed.

Moving gracefully to the strains of Felix Mendelssohn's _Wedding March. _she walked forward towards her new life with Peter. All the months of meticulous planning was coming to fruition, when, per the program she'd spent long hours slaving over, the villains attacked. It was, after all, a superhero wedding, and there were traditions to uphold.

Magneto was floating above, laughing maniacally. He was flanked by some Brood flyers, and Juggernaut was charging in from the west. There was Deathbird, and Ogun, and, wow, was Nimrod always that pink? They all fired their respective energy weapons or punches or whatever at the mansion, which obligingly blew up.

With a start, Kitty jerked her head off her keyboard, disengaging the screen saver. That sound wasn't part of her dream – it was real. Was the mansion under attack? She hated fighting in her jammies, but she poked her head through the wall and looked around. A flash of light bouncing off metal directed her attention over to her left, where she saw him crouched on the ground.

Instantly, she sprang forward, phasing at a sprint in a direct line to the crouched form. "Peter! What happened?" she called as she ran.

Peter was down on one knee, one hand holding his head. "I thought… I thought I was back there, Katya." His voice was pained, even as he reverted from his armored form. He accepted her embrace of support and held on tight.

"It's all right now, Peter. You were dreaming." She thought to herself that it seemed to be the night for it, but then she hadn't done any fundamental structural alterations to her room from hers.

"Some dream," Logan said, standing there in nothing by his jockey shorts. He was looking at the large, circular hole in the wall of the house. Scott and Emma, also in their nightclothes, stood by.

Kitty heard them talking, but was more focused on the man in her arms. She may not have been an empath, but his anguish was palpable.

Suddenly he tensed even more. He stammered out, "Emma… she's…"

Realization and vocalization were simultaneous. "Get out of his head!" she screamed. How dare she?

Emma was nonchalant. "Just trying to help."

Kitty glared at her nemesis. "Don't."

* * *

Sunlight streamed through the window, lighting up the room. Kitty responded by squirming her way further under her covers. Normally an early riser, she was just not prepared to face this day. She'd managed to get Peter to a spare room, as his was a bit too well ventilated, what with that huge hole he'd made. But soon after, he'd shooed her out, indicating that he was better off alone. That blow to the gut she hadn't needed, especially coming on the heels of the fierce way he'd held onto her outside.

She'd made it back to her room, exhausted and shaken. It was just a terrible ending for a roller coaster of a day. She'd gone to her computer, where her results had finally come up. She slapped them into a file and e-mailed them to Miss Frost, not even bothering to include a sarcastic comment. She had been too tired at this point.

The sunlight persisted in its unyielding and unreasoning goal of waking her up. She wriggled around to create a little porthole to survey the world outside. X-23's bed was empty, and had been made with almost military precision. Rachel's, on the other hand, was slightly disheveled, but had not been slept in. Apparently Storm's team had not returned from whatever mission they'd gone on. Kitty was half-tempted to try to see if she could raise her over their telepathic link, but if the bad guys had a mutant scanner, that simple act might be enough to expose the team, and she wasn't going to let her own silly personal issues endanger her friends. She dove back under the covers.

She snaked a hand out to flip on her clock radio- it was set to WNYC, one of the NPR stations available in Westchester. Yeah, she was a nerd too. She knew it was late in the morning, but instead of Weekend Edition or Studio 360, there was an emergency news flash indicating seismic tremors were being reported in the city.

"Let the Avengers deal with it…" she started to mumble, before her x-link on the side of her bed buzzed. It was blinking too, she was sure, but she hadn't extracted herself from the comforter enough to see it.

_All members of my squad please report to the hangar in five minutes._ Scott's "voice" beamed into her head, courtesy of Emma. Louder than it needed to, of course. She hesitated for a moment, wishing she had time for a shower, as she detested the feeling of heading into battle unwashed. Then she sank into the floor, straight down, still in her pajamas. She reached the subbasement and ran to the locker room to change into the yellow and black outfit so reminiscent of her first costume. Pulling on her boots, she sprinted to the hangar where the rest of the team was waiting.

* * *

Peter hadn't slept at all. How could he? The spare bedroom was smaller than his, and right now, he was feeling very, very confined. He had wanted nothing more than to have Katya stay with him, to hold him and comfort him all night as she had out on the lawn. But his nightmare was still reverberating within him, and he was concerned that it may start taking hold of his waking life. So he had begged her pardon, feigning a tiredness he did not feel and that he needed to try to gather his thoughts before trying to talk them out.

After she had left, he had wandered the halls a bit, catching that young girl from the Danger Room – Hailstorm - in a rec room with a laptop, viewing some of those Japanese cartoons that Kitty tried to get him to watch from time to time. He'd suggested that perhaps she should be in bed – it was four in the morning after all – but didn't make any further attempt. It was the weekend, and the girl was young, full of vitality and her whole life ahead of her; he found he could not begrudge her a little fun. He wished that Kitty had been able to come to the school as it was now, had not been forced to grow up so quickly.

Mostly he racked his brain, trying to understand what was happening to him.

He ended up in the gym, where he put himself through a draining workout, lifting weights, running on the treadmill, going toe to toe with the heavy bag, all trying to push himself to the limits of endurance, praying for a dreamless sleep. Finally, exhausted, he took a cold shower and went to the room to lie there for the rest of the night.

He'd only closed his eyes for a moment when he heard the buzz of the commlink and heard Cyclops's telepathic summons.

He was up and in the nearest lift in a flash. He ran to the locker room and threw on his new costume. It would be good to get out there and do something, instead of being alone with his ghosts. It would be good to get out there and hit something. He wasn't sure he liked that thought.

* * *

Kitty burst into the hangar at full speed, leaping off the monorail car. "What's the sitch?" she asked of Cyclops when she reached him. She brushed a stray lock of chestnut brown hair from her eyes as she noticed a second car carrying Peter and Logan arrive.

"It's super-hero time," Scott began, to the sight of Logan's rolling eyes. "There's a multi-story creature that just dug it's way up in Manhattan, and we're going to go send it back."

"Ain't this the Fantastic Four's thing?"

He almost smiled behind his ruby quartz lenses, "Well, it's good that we've got you around, Wolverine. You used to be a member, right? " He turned to the entire squad, "So mount up. We're on the clock."

Peter walked up to his team leader. "May I ask a favor?"

"Pete, I know you had a rough night, but I really need you out there on this."

"It's not that," the big Russian said, "I was wondering if there was a way I could go, but not in the plane. After last night especially, I am feeling rather… claustrophobic."

Cyclops looked at him closely. "Let me talk to Hank. I think we can swing something."

A minute later, the Blackbird came screaming into the sky, with Colossus, in armored form, riding on top.

* * *

Epilogue

**Several months later...**

"Y'know, I still can't believe that Scott told Hank to let you surf on the jet…" Kitty said as she snuggled a little closer. "Beast was all, 'Do you understand what that will do to the aerodynamics?' and Scott said that he didn't care, that you needed some space. And then Hank said that it was easy for you to say it, because your armored form would survive the upcoming crash."

She made a little sigh of contentment. She knew they were late for a picnic with Rachel and Kurt, but these last several weeks since their return from the Breakworld had given her a new appreciation for sleeping in, or at least staying in bed. "You don't seem to need so much space now."

Peter cradled her in his arms, "_Nyet_, not so much. This amount seems just right," he said as he pulled her into a deep, sensual kiss.

"Works for me, too." Kitty smiled.

Finis

* * *

In case you were wondering, all of this takes place between issues 6 and 7 of _Astonishing X-Men_ by Joss Whedon, as well as in the midlde of _Uncanny X-Men #460_ by Chris Claremont. Marvel owns all of these characters, except a couple of students that were mine. I'm not trying to make anything off them.

The scene with Peter's dream and it's after effects is taken largely from _Colossus: Bloodline_ Issue #1 by David Hine and Jorge Lucas. I've taken some liberties with the story – there's no timeframe given, other than we know that Peter goes to Russia post-_Dangerous_. The will thing I lifted from X-Men-First Class. I've borrowed liberally through the entire story from Joss Whedon's run on _Astonishing X-Men_, and really have been trying to fill in the blanks between those few wonderful moments he's given this pair. The very end is AU.

Well, it's been a labor of love, sometimes more labor than anything, but I really appreciate everyone who stuck with me through it all, especially my reviewers. I hope you liked it.


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